You are not definitely not alone. I love this thread because I NEEDED to read all of this. Self-love and self-worth is the hardest hurdle. I'm in my early 40s and much of my romantic life has been spent in either very toxic situationships where I'm allowing myself to be treated poorly or very long stretches of staying alone. I grew up watching my mom get constantly cheated on and never leaving. For me this is the hardest piece of the healing puzzle but it all goes back to the beginning. We are aware that we attract and choose this because of our traumas and early childhood development or more actually-lack thereof, yet, so much of this feels like it's operating on a subconscious level and as if it's impossible to make a change on because who we are attracted to also feels out of our control, (at least this is how I feel). We deserve love and to be treated with kindness and respect but when we are raised to hate ourselves-then this novel concept that people who come from loving/heathy backgrounds so innately feel entitled to-we find ourselves desperately struggling to internalize. We have to feel it to believe it, knowing it isn't enough. I recently got a scholarship to practice TM meditation from the David Lynch Foundation, not advocating anything to anyone, just saying that I feel that it is helping me get control of my thoughts and weirdly just be ok with myself since I'm sitting with myself in such a deep way. I've never felt comfortable in my own skin. I'm praying for all of us struggling with the deep-seated hellish trauma response that's robbed us of truly being able to enjoy life. I know we didn't come here just to suffer.