Narcissistic abuse & CPTSD

[2105KK]

Hi everyone, I have been in therapy with my psychologist for just over 18mths having had a narcissistic therapist previous to her for three years before. The relationship with my previous therapist has left deep emotional scares, trust issues etc. I wanted to know if anyone can relate to me as I feel that I must be the narcissist & because I reacted angrily towards her at the end that I am bad. I have narcissistic family members also which doesn’t help either. Also, when ever I feel angry, jealous or talk about my family members I go into panic mode & am convinced it is me & that I don’t want to be like that or ever hurt anyone. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Thanks

 

[deno]

What you’re describing is so common among people who’ve been in relationships with narcissists, especially if you’ve had narcissistic parents and a therapist who misused their role. That kind of double exposure can seriously damage your internal compass for a while. Feeling anger, jealousy, or even just talking about your family isn’t narcissism; that’s being human. What makes you different from someone with narcissistic traits is exactly what you said: “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” That alone tells me you are not the narcissist. Narcissists rarely question themselves like this. They don’t panic about how they affect others. You’re doing the exact opposite: you’re being cautious, self-aware, and sensitive...maybe too much so since what you’ve lived through.

Anger is not abuse. Jealousy is not character failure. Reacting to someone who harmed you does not mean you’re just like them.

You’re learning how to trust again, and part of that means learning to trust yourself. It takes time. But the fact that you’re in therapy now and asking these questions means you’re on the right path.

 

[PamelaS]

Hi everyone, I have been in therapy with my psychologist for just over 18mths having had a narcissistic therapist previous to her for three years before. The relationship with my previous therapist has left deep emotional scares, trust issues etc. I wanted to know if anyone can relate to me as I feel that I must be the narcissist & because I reacted angrily towards her at the end that I am bad. I have narcissistic family members also which doesn’t help either. Also, when ever I feel angry, jealous or talk about my family members I go into panic mode & am convinced it is me & that I don’t want to be like that or ever hurt anyone. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Thanks

Welcome and thanks for sharing. I can relate to what you shared. You are on the right track searching for truth. Condemning yourself is a symptom of what you have been through. But that doesn’t mean it’s valid. I feel exactly the same way that you do about not ever wanting to hurt anyone. I think that comes from compassion from what we’ve been through and love for others to not want to contribute to their pain. Keep moving forward in your healing and try to work with your new therapist to break those habits of self condemnation. Condemnation is never productive. Examining and recognizing behaviors that harm ourselves or others is appropriate and can bring change and a better situation. But condemnation keeps us bound and unable to move forward. Wishing you well as you seek to move forward in your healing.

 

[2105KK]

Thank you Deno & PamelaS for replying to me as it has helped to settle my mind knowing that others understand. It feels like a very lonely experience with CPTSD & I’m just learning that there is a whole community out there which I’m so grateful for.