Constantly Out Of It

[Definitely..maybe]

I'm pretty sure this is just disassociation but lately it has been constant and severe. I feel so fuzzy on memories and events and it's becoming miserable.

I'm not truly 'present' for anything and it's just making me feel like there's no point to me anymore. (Not in a scary way I wouldn't act on anything). I just feel so down and depressed and good for nothing because I don't even feel like myself or even know who myself is- I feel like there's no consistency with myself or my moods. I try to do my best when I'm around anyone I just can't even describe how bad it feels in my head to feel so messed up and like I can't be fixed. It's a very claustrophobic feeling.

How do I get out of this? Thanks for listening guys.

 

[Chava]

I can relate to not feeling like I have a constant "self" that is easy to locate. I get fuzzy sometimes and depersonalize under a load of stress. Doing things I enjoy, especially things I've enjoyed for a long time, seems to help with that continuity problem. And I don't attach meaning to it. Like my paintings suck, but I enjoy painting. So it pulls me out of some depression but also connects me to myself...like I feel like I am right here, making this painting. Anything enjoyable, sensory, absorbing...are you into any arts or crafts or projects? To get out of this, I think is a question for therapy. But to manage, finding things that you enjoy doing or feel like they connect you to yourself, and committing to doing them in some form, even if you are depressed. My other ideas...snuggling with pets because they reinforce that I am "here", connecting with nature, going for walks, easy yoga, exercise, music, journaling or art journaling...anything to express my "self" and feel a little more connected.

 

[Underdog]

I agree that asking your therapist would be a good idea to learn the tools that would be appropriate for you. Last time I was in this scenario, my therapist gave me two tools. They only worked for about a minute or so, but she said that was how they were supposed to work, by momentarily snapping me out of it and by doing it enough eventually coming out of it all together. When I was experiencing this, I couldn't even do anything I loved or liked such as cooking, gardening, etc... I wasn't there and surely not me, and kinda wonder if that isn't where you are at. I was completely disabled.

Again, consult your therapist for what is appropriate for you and your personal situation. As a point of reference for discussion with your therapist, these are the two tools I was given during my last episode. I wouldn't use them though until you has discussed them with your therapist to be sure they are recommended. I'm only listing them to give you an idea of what might be suggested.

1.) Touch the right side of my body somewhere with my left hand, then follow by touching the left side in the exact same place with my right hand. Repeat it touching different places until I come back, even if just for a brief moment.

2.) observe what is around me and name one thing, then continue to describe it. Once described, find another thing to name and describe. Repeat until I have returned if only momentarily.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

Thank you both for your understanding and advice! I definitely plan to talk to my doctor about it this week:) thank you so much again!

 

[contaminated]

I've been that way for the past month. I know exactly what you're saying.
What usually helps me is watching television, or focusing on a book. Even arts and crafts stuff helps a lot.
I think your t will know what would be best, some things are triggering and can have even a nastier effect on you and make the dissociation worse.

 

[Definitely..maybe]

@contaminated thank you so much for understanding! I'm sorry you're struggling with the effects as well though, it's awful.

I've definitely noticed myself just wanting to watch television or get totally busy with silly things. I just end up being mad at myself for 'wasting' time. I don't know the answer! Hopefully my doctor can help! And I really hope things get easier for you as well.:hug: