Coping With My Fiancé Who Has Ptsd

[Poetic gestures]

Ok so I'm absolutely new to this!! I've been with my boyfriend for over a year! At first it was great, I actually didn't even know he had PTSD. He is an ex navy combat veteran, so he's been in several wars!! I've never really dealt with anyone with PTSD. Sometimes he can be the most sweetest person , most caring and loving. Other times he can become distant and cold!! I really love him so much . I want to one day marry him!! It's just do hard to deal with his often mood swings. It's so often over the period that we've been together he's said things to hurt my feelings, told me several times he wanted to break up, and then after he's hurt my feelings do much he apologizes. I'm not sure how much more I can take!! I know I don't want to lose him ! How of I deal with this?

 

[Muconug]

I don't get it when people say I love him, I want to marry him, but I don't know how much of him I can take.

I don't mean to be unsympathetic, but you do have a choice of whether you want to be with him or not. It's no good looking at what could be or what might be or what is sometimes, that's looking at a dream of what you want him to be, look at him as he is and if that isn't suited to you, then walk away. If you've only been together a year (you don't mention kids) then there is nothing but your own choice to keep you there.

When somebody is distant and cold, then they are just in their own space. If you perhaps look to changing your perspective on that, and perhaps doing things for yourself.

If he is being nasty completely out of the blue, and it isn't during a disagreement/argument/conversation about negatives etc, then he's mistreating you and you need to make it clear that you won't be spoken to like that. If he continues - leave.

If it is during disagreements, arguments, conversations about negatives, then that is something that it would probably help to talk to him about, or ask advice here about how to approach it. People with PTSD have a lower capacity to cope with everyday stresses, so have to learn how to talk about things in a much more controlled way. People have different strategies, but obviously a partner needs to know what those needs are. If neither of you have strategies for those kinds of talks, then it would help to be able to talk and get some.

 

[Poetic gestures]

Thank you very much for your advice !! Your not being unsympathetic , your being real and I really do appreciate your honesty !