Core Beliefs & Counters

[Jade-]

Thanks @Friday. Logically I know it's not wrong but it's just so hard to stop that sickening feeling afterwards sometimes.It's not during sex that I struggle with,it's afterwards.

 

[frogthroat]

"I can't give or receive real love because love isn't real or wanting love makes me owe someone back."

This is just one perception of reality and it was the reality of my childhood. I know love is out there and if I continue to live up to my own personal values I'll find people I can love in a healthy way.

 

[Teasel]

So there's a big scrambled mess I might try & pick apart bit by bit.

No-one likes me / cares.

Counter - best I can think of at the mo is that this could change as I increase the self care & self liking.

 

[Teasel]

Core belief
I'm a bad person.

Counter
Bulf***ingshit. That's what the bastards wanted you to believe so they could control you.

 

[Cypress]

Core beliefs: The abusers chose me because they recognized that my inner being was inherently corrupted and polluted.

Counter: I was chosen because I was small and vulnerable and there is nothing wrong with either.

 

[Teasel]

Core belief, there is something intrinsically so awful about me that I can never be accepted by others.

Counter, actually no, that's c-PTSD.

 

[bellbird]

Core belief: cutting is my only/best means of self comfort.

Counter: cutting may be one of my fastest means of self comfort, because it was my only means of comfort during the Abuse Years.
But I am not back in the Abuse Years. And I have other means of self comfort that I can use now, that don't involve SH.

They are slower. But slow is ok. Slow still gets us there.

Chamomile apple cinnamon tea; the kind we drank when we left him.
Fresh water from the tap; it doesn't have salt dissolved in it, but our body is happy for that.
A plate of healthy and nourishing food; some fruit, too, because we are allowed to eat fruit now that we have left.

Deep breathing.
Wearing clothes that comfort us.
Hot water bottle.
Talking to Tweeter
Sitting in the sunlight if it is there.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I'm doing these again, with more confidence. I did some of these back when and struggled a whole lot to counter them, and I think time has given me a different perception and an ability to see them differently.

Cognitive Distortion: I'm crazy and mean.
Counter: I'm not crazy and mean, these are just words used to hurt me if I choose to believe them. Actually, these words just reflect how the abusers and co-dependents acted themselves.

Cognitive Distortion: I have to tell every detail of every event, be transparent, so I am an authentic person.
Counter: Authentic and transparent are not synonymous, one can be authentic without being totally transparent.

Cognitive Distortion: I will always meet abusive people, there's an invisible sign (says abuse me)that I wear around my neck that attracts them-so I should stay home and not bother because I'll be safer.
Counter: It is not my destiny/fate or written in stone that everyone I seem to like will be dysfunctional. I can scrutinize people's basic moral character more carefully, listen for incongruities, and say no politely. I can choose not pursue relationships that start going astray or ones that don't feel right because I deserve quality relationships.

Cognitive Distortion: As long as I stay home to alleviate stress over of meeting new people I'll feel safer.
Counter: Staying home when there is no real threat, staying home because of fear of repeating a negative relationship cycle, gives away my power to my abusers-who want me to be fearful. Not doing that.

Cognitive Distortion: I am a bad mother and have been called mean, crazy, and mental by my own daughter.
Counter: I tried hard to be a good mother, and although I'm not perfect....I can't control what another grown woman does..... my daughter just echos the words and actions of the abusers because she's a co-dependent, and she can't feel the hurt she's doing, so she herself is sick. It is her responsibility to figure it out and take action to get better, not mine.

 

[HealingMama]

Core belief: I have to be perfect so nothing unexpected happens. If surprises happen that means I screwed up and I'm a bad person.

Counter: Surprises aren't inherently bad and I'm not inherently bad if I didn't succeed in preventing them.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Core belief: I have to be perfect so nothing unexpected happens. If surprises happen that means I screwed up and I'm a bad person.

Counter: Surprises aren't inherently bad and I'm not inherently bad if I didn't succeed in preventing them.

Yeah I have one similar:

Core Belief: I have to be perfect so they will love me.
Counter: Perfection is a fear-based behavior and no one's love is worth that!

 

[HealingMama]

Core belief: If things are good, brace yourself because the ish is about to hit the fan. Go ahead and sabotage the good times because that's easier than the rug getting yanked out from under you.

Counter: It is okay to accept positive times and enjoy them while they are here. I can handle bad times better than before, and don't need to make the good go bad.

 

[Rani G2]

Core belief: If I loose my power during a conflict, I‘m weak and unstable, I always should feel as if I‘m better, smarter, cooler than the other

Counter: Humans survive longer and live healthier lives, if they/If I can offer mutual support, show understanding and be helpful... it has nothing to Do with being weak.