"I can't give or receive real love because love isn't real or wanting love makes me owe someone back."
This is just one perception of reality and it was the reality of my childhood. I know love is out there and if I continue to live up to my own personal values I'll find people I can love in a healthy way.
Core belief: cutting is my only/best means of self comfort.
Counter: cutting may be one of my fastest means of self comfort, because it was my only means of comfort during the Abuse Years. But I am not back in the Abuse Years. And I have other means of self comfort that I can use now, that don't involve SH.
They are slower. But slow is ok. Slow still gets us there.
Chamomile apple cinnamon tea; the kind we drank when we left him.
Fresh water from the tap; it doesn't have salt dissolved in it, but our body is happy for that.
A plate of healthy and nourishing food; some fruit, too, because we are allowed to eat fruit now that we have left.
Wearing clothes that comfort us.
Hot water bottle.
Talking to Tweeter
Sitting in the sunlight if it is there.
I'm doing these again, with more confidence. I did some of these back when and struggled a whole lot to counter them, and I think time has given me a different perception and an ability to see them differently.
Cognitive Distortion: I'm crazy and mean.
Counter: I'm not crazy and mean, these are just words used to hurt me if I choose to believe them. Actually, these words just reflect how the abusers and co-dependents acted themselves.
Cognitive Distortion: I have to tell every detail of every event, be transparent, so I am an authentic person.
Counter: Authentic and transparent are not synonymous, one can be authentic without being totally transparent.
Cognitive Distortion: I will always meet abusive people, there's an invisible sign (says abuse me)that I wear around my neck that attracts them-so I should stay home and not bother because I'll be safer.
Counter: It is not my destiny/fate or written in stone that everyone I seem to like will be dysfunctional. I can scrutinize people's basic moral character more carefully, listen for incongruities, and say no politely. I can choose not pursue relationships that start going astray or ones that don't feel right because I deserve quality relationships.
Cognitive Distortion: As long as I stay home to alleviate stress over of meeting new people I'll feel safer.
Counter: Staying home when there is no real threat, staying home because of fear of repeating a negative relationship cycle, gives away my power to my abusers-who want me to be fearful. Not doing that.
Cognitive Distortion: I am a bad mother and have been called mean, crazy, and mental by my own daughter.
Counter: I tried hard to be a good mother, and although I'm not perfect....I can't control what another grown woman does..... my daughter just echos the words and actions of the abusers because she's a co-dependent, and she can't feel the hurt she's doing, so she herself is sick. It is her responsibility to figure it out and take action to get better, not mine.