Could Breaking Up Be A Form Of Avoidance?

[Lihiv]

His condition isn't likely to change in the future.

 

[Zozefa]

Especially because he isn't getting treatment but even with treatment, things usually get worse before they get better.

Breakups are hard in the best of circumstances. They are rarely resolved by the party that doesn't want to break up blaming an untreated mental health condition that the other person isn't willing to get treatment for anyhow.

 

[Apuf]

So unless he's willing to seek treatment there's essentially no hope? (Asker again)

 

[Apuf]

How do other people with PTSD who are in relationships cope?

 

[Ika]

Some can. Some can't. Some steer clear of relationships for awhile and some may want to be close, but find it confusingly terrifying because during trauma, closeness and vulnerability was very dangerous and PTSD is a state where the brain and body are still at least a little stuck in the flight/flight/freeze/fawn trauma response needed to survive. Some with PTSD can tolerate closeness to some degree and do so through trigger management skills, many grounding tools, self care, boundary setting, and building new relationship skills.

 

[Uheko]

It doesn't really matter if he is willing to seek treatment or not - staying with someone on the basis that you hope they will change from who they are now is a path to relationship failure and resentment.

If you can't accept him as he is now, without treatment, then it will never work. You will always be trying to change him and he will always be resisting.

 

[Apuf]

I don't want HIM to change- I love exactly who HE is, even with his PTSD. I've known him long before it, and I know who he really is inside.

But there's no denying he engages in certain destructive behaviors that would result in the demise of ANY relationship, not just ours, and to simply roll over and accept those behaviours would be to tolerate abuse.

 

[Rolav]

Yes. Exactly.

Abuse is absolutely not ok.

You can't change him and you can't change his behavior. Only he can do that and he is clear he he no interest in doing that.

Even if he did, it would not be healthy for him for you to stay. That would be enabling him to continue in victimizing you.

You would be doing him a disservice to stay with him with the hope that absuive behavior would end by staying with him.

It is actually more helpful for his recovery for you to draw a line and say abuse isn't acceptable and I will not allow it into my life.

It's also important for your health as well.

 

[Odasi]

Ironically, I feel his condition is the reason for the immense stress in the relationship.

I think he sees it differently. I mean he's always stuck with his condition. Relationships add too much stress. Get rid of the relationship and stress goes way down.

 

[Izipa]

How do other people with PTSD who are in relationships cope?

Strong boundaries, patience, prioritizing self-care, this forum....among a million other things.