Undiagnosed Could It Be My Case?

[Carlos Menem]

Hello. I'm twenty years old and I'm from Argentina, username is my real name.

When I was thirteen years old I was a troubled kid. I performed pretty bad during my first two high school years. My parents were neglectful, for example once I began growing up facial hair they didn't taught me how to shave and I grew up a big moustache that I didn't want to have yet I still showed up to school with it for over one year and avoided looking at myself in the mirror. I was teased for it however it was a small part of my bullying, almost always I felt distressed and since I had no supervision would often stay late at night looking at porn on my computer while gulping lots of caffeinated drinks. I'd get very little or no sleep before going to school early in the morning, and as a result I had an impaired cognitive function almost every school day which translated to social awkwardness and poor academic work.

Since I'd ditch P.E. classes a lot during primary and performed no physical activity whatsoever I started lagging behind my peers in physicality and was very thin (I weighed less than 88 lbs). This made me the target of jocks, and generally perceived as lazy and therefore resented by some teachers, I mean the ones who didn't feel pity for me.

One night I didn't get any sleep I showed up to school in no conditions to do intellectual tasks and I was assigned to read my homework out loud in front of the class. I agreed to it and that was my biggest mistake. I couldn't understand my own hand writing and I got really nervous, to the point where I didn't regulate my voice tone properly and was almost shouting as well as having an inconsistent rhythm. It was Biology class so I was enunciating some really odd words, and the teacher didn't care for me so she didn't make me stop.
Since I wasn't drunk or stoned I was aware of my surroundings and I heard a classmate said "He's so lost!" to which my teacher didn't react yet I did. I also grabbed my tablemate for help but didn't get a response. And when I did stop all she did was sigh and then had another classmate read the same assignment. The class just went on as if everything was normal and everyone just walked right past me when it was time for recess.

I felt really scared and tense and humilliated and I had my mom pick me up afterwards. Ever since that happened to me not a day goes by when I don't think about it, and it's been six years already. I think about it almost minute by minute, and I began therapy with the hopes of making the memories linger less on my mind but I'm not sure if it's possible. Could I have PTSD?

 

[sun seeker]

Welcome to the forum.

While what you are telling us sounds distressing and I think and hope therapy will help you, unless there is more that you haven't told us it doesn't sound like you have PTSD. That requires what is called a Criterion A trauma, which is basically one so severe that you feel your life is at stake - that or a few other things, but it has to be really severe. I can't find the exact wording at the moment, hope someone else will jump in with a link.

That's not a judgement or saying that what happened to you was not traumatic. It's just that it takes very severe trauma to cause the changes in the brain characteristic of PTSD. Which is actually good news for you, because it will be easier to heal.

The only symptom you are describing are intrusive thoughts. They are indeed one of the symptoms of PTSD, but they can be symptoms of other conditions as well, so again, unless there is more to the trauma and more symptoms, it sounds like you are suffering from some other condition. I hope you are able to get help with this, it sounds really debilitating to have all those intrusive thoughts every day for so long.

 

[Friday]

It doesn't sound like it, from the examples you listed.

Even if you have Criterion A trauma in your life (quoted below) that doesn't mean you'll go on to develop PTSD, but there does have to be Criterion A trauma for PTSD to even be possible. Do you have CritA trauma in your history?

A. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:

1. Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s),
2. Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others,
3. Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. In cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent and accidental.
4. Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse).

Note: Criterion A4 does not apply to exposure to electronic media, television, movies, or pictures, unless the exposure is work related.

If not, it doesn't mean that you couldn't have another disorder. There are several dozen possible disorders relating to anxiety & trauma, or that share symptoms with PTSD, that are not PTSD itself. PTSD just happens to be more well known than most of them... So if there's any kind of trauma, life threatening or not, people tend to jump straight to what they've heard about.

 

[sun seeker]

There you go, I knew someone would have the exact wording. Thanks @FridayJones.

 

[Carlos Menem]

unless there is more to the trauma and more symptoms

I didn't really specify a lot about the aftermath as the post was becoming too long in my opinion. It happened to me on a Friday and I had some time to regain composure during the weekend, I also went to sleep inmediately after the incident which is why I think I remember little of what I read, although I have a reaction whenever the words I do remember unexpectedly pop up, be it on paper or hearing them. I could no longer enjoy some things I used to, which is why I think there's my life before and after that incident. Two jocks who used to bully me stopped immediately after that, and I switched schools two months after it happened to me. Afterwards I tried to avoid Biology and my old school mates like plague although I suppose the latter is common for people who change of school 'cause of bullying. I'm glad to have joined this forum and I don't think I meet Crit A.

 

[sun seeker]

Hmm... just how bad was the bullying? So far I agree, it doesn't look like you have a Criterion A trauma, but bullying can be pretty serious.

 

[Carlos Menem]

The incident was sandwiched with bad occurences, and at the new school I was really distrusting of other people and would get easily startled, then again that might be common. At the old school I'd get paper thrown at me, I was called three other different names than my own, I was beaten in the back in a couple of ocassions, I got pictures of me uploaded to Facebook before I made one account for myself and saw people made negative comments on them. There was one time where I walked past two students who disliked me, and before I crossed the street I had one appear behind me and he made as if he was pushing me to the cars to the morbid laughter of his fellow companionship. Not to say I didn't do anything to be so disliked, but it was a rather disproportionate
retribution.

 

[intothelight]

@Federico Milesi Welcome!

When something in life is so troubling that it disrupts your daily life for an extended period of time, if possible, it is good to seek the services of a mental health professional. Know what is wrong is the first step in finding a way(s) to make it better.