Sexual Assault Court Case Will It Help Her See Her Behavior?

[Kintsugi]

Please don't question the literacy of this forum. Read your own posts; they are pretty garbled and riddled with grammatical construction or spelling errors and seemingly meandering topics. All of the people who have respond to you are sufferers, I think, and we have taken much time to understand you and respond.

If you continue to put down your respondents, they very well will stop attempting to help you. I see that it seems you aren't receiving what you came here looking for, but these members are clearly trying to offer you their very best advice by reading, evaluating, and responding. I advise you stop insulting our reading comprehension skills just because you aren't getting the feedback you are fishing for.

 

[Sideways]

a normal person does not feel fear of harm by none threatening, email.

It sounds like you're trying to say that the harassment claims are bogus, and evidence that she's unwell, because a "normal" person wouldn't feel harassed by your attempts to contact her.

But the point is not whether her response is normal. At this point, the fact that her, and her family, might benefit from more support- that seems pretty irrelevant.

The fact is that whoever is on the receiving end of your emails, your attempts to contact them - they feel harrassed. Your behaviour (yours, not anyone else's) has made someone feel awful enough that they've gone to court to get you to leave them alone.

Whatever help you're offering? They don't want it.
Your behaviour?
Is not okay.
Forcing someone to change their behaviour, going about that in a way that they find harassment (whether reasonable or not), is NOT help. It's harassment.

It's abuse.

And you need to stop.

 

[Jopp]

Please don't question the literacy of this forum. Read your own posts; they are pretty garbled and...

This is something serious not only to me but also others. I very much appreciate real honest responses. I have to make this decision and it is not an easy one to know what is best, and I wish it only effected me, but it doesn't.


Here is the spot I'm in...Say nothing do nothing and walk away. Which every time in the past she has gotten hurt again and becomes more scared of life, negative, and dead inside. Between when we are out of each other's lives and back in each other's lives) so very reasonable to expect same will happen or I can try my best to educate
Myself through research, speaking to experts in the field and others that have been through similar things as her, and going over the years and years of messages between me and her where she tells about what she has been through, how she feels about everything, and what she really wants. And then
Pray and Use that information to try something different then has been done in years past that hopefully will have a more positive outcome on her then more hurt (physically and mentally).....

It sucks and with her family frowning down on her every time she does get the courage to face it, it makes making the right choice all the more important.....insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results....
I don't see how anyone with even only half a conscious would expect anyone to choose the first option......

She is stronger than everyone involved but doesn't see it cuz they don't support her. It's her that should be looking down on those that don't support her not the looking down on her

 

[Jopp]

It sounds like you're trying to say that the harassment claims are bogus, and evidence that she'...

Not according to the law. I didn't write it. I have no interest in agueing. And she herself said when I questioned her the other day in court she did not fear me. Or think I would ever hurt her. There is alot more to the situation then I wrote as I only wrote about what I needed advice on, I did not expect people to fill in the rest with their assumptions. And I'm sorry but I feel writing everything could be identified by people that don't have her interests in mind

 

[The Albatross]

"I don't see how anyone with even only half a conscious would expect anyone to choose the first option..." - Yeah well that mentality is what got you where you are in the first damn place. Perhaps, as all respondents have told you exactly that, you might want to shop another forum and try, try again til you get the answer you want.

Pffffffttttt. Done with you and you have absolutely no clue about how intelligent many people actually are here. Your ability to communicate, frankly is either lacking or your brain is so scrambled over this "White Knight"/Rescuer schema you've got going on that you can't make sense. Enmeshed codependent behavior straight up and from here on in, I'm not wastin' my time.

Edited out a snide comment so as not to get whacked with the ban stick (again).

Off this thread.

 

[Sideways]

Frankly I find what you're describing pretty terrifying. To be on the receiving end of your idea of help? To go all the way to court to get someone to leave me alone, only to have them appeal? In order to force me to change?

That's not help.

But it is pretty horrifying.

You're responsible for your behaviour. And now, by court order, you're responsible for leaving her alone. For 5 years.

You may well argue that the court decision isn't supported by law. But the fact remains- she doesn't want your help. That's her right, as a human. No matter what she's been through, she has the right to decide who, when, and even if she wants help.

There is NO trauma therapy that involves forcing people to change.

Leave her alone.

 

[Jopp]

Frankly I find what you're describing pretty terrifying. To be on the receiving end of your ide...

3 questions: first there was no contact from either of us for almost 2 weeks when the charges were filed. See part of what I did not write had to do with her father. Being that he is a minister and how he handled her abuse and other situations was not biblical so for his actions, he was facing some possible disciplinary action. The the charges came from him telling her to as well as someone telling her that I had alleged that he abused her. Which thankfully keeping all the records is easy to prove to her as well. I do not know who told her that at this point she just told me that someone said I allege that. So before you pass judgement on me please understand you need to have all the information. And I can say this because I used to pass judgment on her and I was wrong for doing that because I didn't know what she was dealing with I didn't have all the information. Second he said do what she wants which I guess which part of her do I listen to? Because there is before switch call it where she thinks me for not giving up on her and tells me the things that you know helped and things that didn't when she was pulling away. And then there's what we're dealing with right now, well she's actually starting to relax a little bit, transitioning again so more so a couple months ago when everything was really going down where she is just gone and doesn't want to talk or anything that kind of stuff. So which one do I listen to? And there has been maybe a half-dozen times or so that she is got the courage to not call her dad or something occurred where he wasn't able to talk to her or have that influence on her where she does whatever he says and we ended up talking in person and within 30 to 40 minutes tops I think is the longest she was calm down instead of going months or even a couple times years where she's in the anxiety fearful mode, and the calmness lasts its not just like a day or two. One thing she said to me was after talking one time she realized when she runs fear and anxiety gets worse because then she's thinking about all the stuff she doesn't know and what could happen and it really gets out there with it how bad things could get. But when she's faced with it and talks about it, reasoning is allowed and helps eliminate that and she gets to see what actually happens because she's present and facing it so that fear of how bad things could get is not allowed to happen

 

[Sideways]

Wow. Just...wow.

If you really have insight into how frightening your behaviour sounds? God help her.

 

[Neverthesame]

What the hell are you on about?

You are making less sense every time you type something new.

But you're right, I was very wrong about you. I thought you were only a little misguided, with a smart mouth that got you in a bit of trouble.
It's becoming quite clear to me that the young woman you spoke of is probably right where she should be.
That is to say, "away from you".

You really want to help her? Do absolutely nothing further. Make no attempt to communicate with her or anyone who associates with her. Let it go.

While I could take a jab at your literacy, I'd rather not wind up the next object of your "compassion".
Should I need a refresher, there are several adult education classes I can enroll in, should I feel so inclined.

Thank you for your... Input. I will have no further communication with you from this point forward.
Good day.

 

[scout86]

You said you have a lawyer. If you have a good lawyer, the smart thing to do would be to listen to them.

The law applies the same to everyone. (Or it should) The question of whether or not you've violated the law revolves totally around your behavior and the law. There is nothing that says a behavior is against the law except when you're attempting to 'rescue' someone with a troubled past.

An appeal generally revolves around whether or not the original judge conducted the trial correctly and interpreted the law correctly. It has nothing to do with her past. No reason, at all, to bring it up. It won't help your case. It's more likely to hurt your case because it might make you sound like some kind of crusading wack job. Your best bet is to listen to your lawyer.

You sounds like a person who believes in the power of prayer. If that's the case, I'd suggest that the best way you can help her is to pray for her, from a safe distance.

 

[joeylittle]

Ok reading is not a strong point with a few here. No stalking charge.

My apologies. I mistyped. Harassment charge. OK?

The question was to help me decide to go at appeal with only what was needed to show to over turn or go with all info.

Given everything you've written - I think what you want to do is try and come forward with all the stuff you think you know - is that right?

If so, what would be your fear in doing so? Are you afraid that something will go wrong? I get that you are worried about breaking trust and speaking about her secrets in public - but besides the morality of whether that's justified or not justified....lets say you did it. What's the worst-case scenario, and what's the best case scenario?

possibly get real advice that is backed by experience and by those that suffer or support.

Are you asking for advice on how a sufferer might feel if their abuse story was aired in open court? I just want to be clear, make sure I'm understanding you correctly.

 

[Jopp]

My apologies. I mistyped. Harassment charge. OK?
Given everything you've written - I think what...

Yes and also some of the things she has done to try to numb, cope with, the issues caused by the abuse. (I call themA symptom) I'll use myself as an example to not anger anyone. My father was very abuse physically and emotionally. My house without my entire childhood was chaos, insults, and tension that literally made me afraid to be noticed. It could go from calm and quiet to oh :&#* dad's mad again hide in the blink of an eye. Because of this abuse I got into alot of fights and would literally destroy anyone that started to get too close to me. The abuse left me angry and unable to trust as well as other turmoil and emotions. I wasn't bad or even honestly wanting to fight or hurt people that got too close it's just what I did to express and protect myself from being hurt again. I feel now that those behaviors were symptoms of the abuse I went through. People that haven't been through and recieved the right help to heal think I was bad or messed and before years of counseling, really leaning about god and his word, and self thinking or reflecting I believed I was stupid and bad. I now see and understand that I wasn't bad, messed up, or stupid the behavior (fighting and hurting people) was bad behavior but it was a symptom I was exhibiting caused by the virus of abuse, and I wasn't the problem, my dads abuse and the abuse I'm guessing he has gone through but hasn't shared or healed from was.

Does that make sense? And I appreciate very much your effort to understand. It is much easier and helpful and more productive to have explain then to have to defend.