Other cPTSD and Autism

[silverlinings1069]

I don't even know where to begin. How do I even begin to deal? I began ART therapy last year in April. It has been extremely successful. So much so, my "mask" is evaporating and the real Stacie is coming out to play. OMG....I had no idea I was using so much energy to hide my true self. I am exhausted. But I like the person that is emerging. Okay enough of that. I am talking to my therapists about it now but where should I begin? How do I even begin to cope with this new reality - in the real world? I am very grateful to have figured this out so I can get the assistance I need but I am overwhelmed. I have had so many new revelations about myself the last week and half, my brain wants to explode. Feels like I'm drowning a bit. Any sort of life raft would be wonderful. Doesn't need to be pretty, anything will suffice at this point lol. Thank you for your assistance yet again.

 

[Teasel]

I'm on public transport just now so can't reply in much depth, but congrats on figuring out you're autistic, makes such a difference knowing doesn't it. I found out age 50!

The first resources that come to mind are
Books
Women and girls with autism by Sarah Hendrickx
Unmasking Autism by Devon Price

The YouTube channels
Yo Samdy Sam
Amethyst Schraber

And of great value to me have been Facebook groups for autistic women.

Shall post back later

Ooh, what is ART therapy?

 

[silverlinings1069]

Thank you for responding! YES!!!! It is huge for me. I'm 48 and OMG if I had only known. I will check these out. And I look forward to more. Thank you thank you thank you!

 

[arfie]

my "mask" is evaporating and the real Stacie is coming out to play. OMG....I had no idea I was using so much energy to hide my true self. I am exhausted. But I like the person that is emerging.

when i reached this miracle somewhere in the '90's, the therapist i was working with started pressuring me to be tested for autism. she quite solidly believed the "retarded" dx i started kindergarten with in 1959 was a misdiagnosis. well duh. . . i have since tested with a 165 IQ. i don't much trust the IQ system, but i can agree passing the test was adequate proof that, whatever my early developmental delays, i am most certainly NOT retarded, though i often wish i was. life was far simpler when i was, "the retard."

but i digress. . .

i decided that jumping the hoops for the official dx was pointless. in the 90's, the treatment for autism wasn't far different than the treatment i was already receiving. all we would be doing is changing the name for ^it^. that heroic therapist that helped me achieve the miracle of liking the person who was emerging couldn't argue the point.

I have had so many new revelations about myself the last week and half, my brain wants to explode. Feels like I'm drowning a bit. Any sort of life raft would be wonderful.

when i was in this stage of recovery, i decided to trust the crew members of the life raft which had carried me to the miracle of liking myself. glad i did.

but that is me and every case is unique.
steadying support while you choose the life raft which is most comfortable for you. i have this funny feeling you will. just a hunch. . .

 

[Rose White]

How do I even begin to cope with this new reality - in the real world?

Mindful breathing, art, talking, walks around town and nature, making a list of things you want to do and doing them. Congratulations, it’s a big step and took bravery to get there!

 

[silverlinings1069]

steadying support while you choose the life raft which is most comfortable for you. i have this funny feeling you will. just a hunch. . .

Thank you. That means a lot.

 

[Teasel]

I began ART therapy last year in April. It has been extremely sucsuccessful

Ok to ask what is Art therapy?

So much so, my "mask" is evaporating and the real Stacie is coming out to play. OMG....I had no idea I was using so much energy to hide my true self. I am exhausted. But I like the person that is emerging.

To begin with, when hearing people talk about Unmasking, I just really didn't know what that might look like at all. And 2 years on I think maybe I'm just beginning to understand and to be able to do it a bit too. It feels so great! Love that you like the person who is emerging

Sounds like you are changing and changing really fast? How long have you known?

Okay enough of that. I am talking to my therapists about it now but where should I begin? How do I even begin to cope with this new reality - in the real world? I am very grateful to have figured this out so I can get the assistance I need but I am overwhelmed.

II know I kind of deep dove into learning all about autism for quite some time. Books, podcasts, YouTube, documentaries, and some newspaper articles were what set me on the journey to realising I am autistic - Articles about how many more women are getting late diagnosed now, having been missed so much in comparison to boys. A couple autobiographies I enjoyed too, were by Sara Gibb, and Fern Brady. Amazing to read their stories, so similar to kine in some ways, and not having seen stories about people like me anywhere in my 59 years on the planet. Amazing.

I have had so many new revelations about myself the last week and half, my brain wants to explode. Feels like I'm drowning a bit.

I can relate to this too, it is overwhelming isn't it? Kind of it changes everything, and how you view everything, and all your memories. For me, it felt like reprocessing everything I had come to know up until that point.

Really quite disorientating! That definitely started to calm down after a while though, wasn't as intense or so thoroughly overwhelming.

i still find myself reprocessing memories etc, but at a much slower more manageable pace. Hope it helps to know it will get better, you'll be at the peak of that just now, it will get better.

It is huge for me. I'm 48 and OMG if I had only known.

I know! I kind of decided to see it Glass half full, thinking of all the past generations who never got to know, feel lucky that I was someone who does get to know :)

See if you can find any groups for late diagnosed women - so helpful if you can :)

 

[Weemie]

I'm going to assume you're female (based on your name) and I expect that's probably some of the reason why no one told you that you were autistic. A lot of neurodivergent women do not get diagnosed until very late in life because women's mental health tends to be dismissed by the medical community unless symptoms are extremely pronounced. A typical autistic woman is thus more likely to "fly under the radar" and be blamed and shamed based on her personality/character rather than it clicking that there's a disorder in play.

I was fortunate as a child to have severe ADHD symptoms, and got a diagnosis at age 7 (I am a transgender man, so as a child people assumed I was a little girl). I am talking: running into traffic because I saw something interesting on the other side of the road. Turning the key into the mail box, someone says hi to me, then I walk away from the mail box with the key still stuck in, box still open, mail hanging out.

(This happened to me today. I literally locked myself out of my own apartment because I walked out the front doors without taking the key and closing the mail box.) Working memory of a goldfish. The definition of stereotypical "omg! a squirrel!" bullshit. For me it's true. Any little thing happens and I'm like wuh?! Huh?!! So I snagged a diagnosis because it was just so nuts. My mom spent my entire childhood like actually scared for my safety at times as I'd just run off at random.

Unless you're running into traffic, doctors are just less likely to take symptoms of neurodivergence seriously when it comes to being a female patient. And that's why we have so many women coming out now getting diagnosed as autistic at age 50+.

 

[silverlinings1069]

To begin with, when hearing people talk about Unmasking, I just really didn't know what that might look like at all.

I am hearing impaired. Congenital. Both ears. Life has been interesting to say the least. Was finally diagnosed at 35.

How long have you known?

I have always felt it. But I have known since last week. After my final ART session last Tuesday, my brain just put it all together. I needed to work through my trauma to see what was really there. Yesterday, the final pieces fell into place about by childhood. It has always been there. But my trauma began at birth and I was forced to mask for survival. I have never been myself, but I have been bits of myself over the years. Now I can be all of me all of the time if I want. It is the most amazing feeling. I don't have to dumb myself down to make people (my ex-husband) feel better. Or comfortable. Freeing.

I can relate to this too, it is overwhelming isn't it? Kind of it changes everything, and how you view everything, and all your memories. For me, it felt like reprocessing everything I had come to know up until that point.

So overwhelming. I feel like the last week my brain rewrote my entire history. When looking at my life from the point of an autistic girl, the vast difference of my story is hard to comprehend. But it ALL makes sense. My obsessions throughout my life, how hard it was to make friends, being teased for being so smart - especially at math. Math was nothing for me in school. I loved it. Could do it in my head (and do for fun sometimes). But the boys were not so impressed I could do it better than them . And the men were even more threatened by my brain. Still not sure why. But it makes sense now. And small talk (ugh), don't get me started. Can we please have an intelligent conversation? Please?

I know! I kind of decided to see it Glass half full, thinking of all the past generations who never got to know, feel lucky that I was someone who does get to know :)

I'm neutral/positive about it now. But I do wonder what could have been at times. I am so grateful to get this far on my own. My family stopped talking to me about 10 years ago (best thing really) and my ex-husband filed for divorce 2 1/2 years ago (second best thing but still waiting to be divorced). If those events had not happened, I would not be here. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be me, the real me, for the rest of my life. No mask, no shame, no regret. And that I can attract the correct people for me. I have already met some people like me and my mind cannot comprehend there are people like me. It is like I was living in a foreign country without knowing the language and having no interpreter. I was lost. I understood nothing in the world I was in. I finally got a flight home, to a home that I didn't know even existed but one in which I understood. I am so excited for the future now. I am excited to meet more people like me. To have the conversations I have always longed for. To make the connections that help me thrive. And I hope to help as many girls as I can.

The world is finally my oyster, too.

 

[Teasel]

I am hearing impaired. Congenital. Both ears. Life has been interesting to say the least.

Ah OK, me too, though mostly only one ear and I can still hear fairly well. Had you heard about autistics and auditory processing issues too? Eg for me, on top of being partially deaf, I have issues processing auditory information. Eg often conversations are too quick for me to process and find the relevant response. I often process conversations later, when I am in my own.

I have never been myself, but I have been bits of myself over the years. Now I can be all of me all of the time if I want. It is the most amazing feeling. I don't have to dumb myself down to make people (my ex-husband) feel better. Or comfortable. Freeing.

It's just good innit Happy for you!

So overwhelming. I feel like the last week my brain rewrote my entire history. When looking at my life from the point of an autistic girl, the vast difference of my story is hard to comprehend. But it ALL makes sense. My obsessions throughout my life, how hard it was to make friends, being teased for being so smart

Yes, it feels almost miraculous to find a bit of information that explains a whole life of confusion, also very good stuff!

And small talk (ugh), don't get me started. Can we please have an intelligent conversation? Please?

Lol. Auditory processing problems make intelligent conversation often comically difficult for me. But I have a big tendency too, to talk openly about what's going on for me, much more quickly than NT's seem to think appropriate. I'm thinking particularly of anything that could be perceived as personal, or negative, or having to do with mental health. To me it seems normal but hey. I have found often other ND's are like that too.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to be me, the real me, for the rest of my life. No mask, no shame, no regret. And that I can attract the correct people for me. I have already met some people like me and my mind cannot comprehend there are people like me. It is like I was living in a foreign country without knowing the language and having no interpreter. I was lost. I understood nothing in the world I was in. I finally got a flight home, to a home that I didn't know even existed but one in which I understood. I am so excited for the future now. I am excited to meet more people like me. To have the conversations I have always longed for. To make the connections that help me thrive. And I hope to help as many girls as I can.

Honestly makes me so happy reading this, and I believe you will help many girls too.Totally relate to feeling like I was the only one that didn't get the handbook. And meeting others like me has been amazing. I went to an autistic conference, run by autistics, that was good too. I don't know where you are in the world, but I know of one in US and in UK both.

A couple topics you might find interesting are the autistic communication hypothesis, and the double empathy problem. Think in your other thread you mention knowing fairly quickly if you will be able to talk to someone or not, click with them kinda.

The following 2 vids are autistic people, at Aucademy, (An organisation which is Autistic academics at the university of Kent, but they have all kinds of autistics as guests too) the videos are long and might not be your cup of tea, but I found them in the early days of knowing about myself, and watching them felt like surrounding myself with positive role models of people just like me. Might not be so interesting to follow subtitles if you can't hear them. But I'm sure both topics are written about all over the Internet, not just in these videos.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

www.youtube.com

Aucademy - the autistic communication hypothesis

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

www.youtube.com

Aucademy - the double empathy problem

 

[Nessa7]

Devon Price also posts essays on Substack. I would still recommend Unmasking Autism, which is my favorite book I've read about autism so far. Another YouTuber I like is I'm Autistic, Now What? I'm not that interested in her reaction content, but I've found some of her other videos very helpful, like the dyspraxia and stimming ones.

It has been about a month since I found out that I have autism. I'm a woman in my 30s. I've been really stressed for about a week, and I've been surprised by how much knowing that I'm autistic has been helpful. I haven't been as hard on myself about sensory issues and stimming, which helps me deal with anxiety.

 

[silverlinings1069]

Devon Price also posts essays on Substack. I would still recommend Unmasking Autism, which is my favorite book I've read about autism so far. Another YouTuber I like is I'm Autistic, Now What? I'm not that interested in her reaction content, but I've found some of her other videos very helpful, like the dyspraxia and stimming ones.

It has been about a month since I found out that I have autism. I'm a woman in my 30s. I've been really stressed for about a week, and I've been surprised by how much knowing that I'm autistic has been helpful. I haven't been as hard on myself about sensory issues and stimming, which helps me deal with anxiety.

I have begun Unmasking Autism and really like it so far. I will check your other recommendations out as well.

I tried to get tested for it about a year ago but I was diagnosed with Cptsd, ADHD, etc. I have worked through most of of the trauma and this week I finally had someone screen me and state I am autistic. I empathize with what you are going through. But I concur that knowing has helped so much. It has even helped me deal with my trauma in a different way. I just found Wrong Planet. I site for those that are autistic. Not as helpful as this site but it is there. Thank you for posting.