CPTSD And Body Dysmorphic?

[James B.]

Thank you so much, Jennie. Your post is helping me identify some things.

Used to have little dreams upon awakening. In a state of partial sleep. I'd dream that it (being born into this body) had all been a (bad) dream. I'd begin to get elated and excited about the day, facing the world. Then, when fully awake, and realizing it was real, crash into my thoughts, pull the covers over and not want to get out of bed. Not wanting to face the reality of having to be in this body. And have to face the world looking the way I do.

 

[StressyJen]

Used to have little dreams upon awakening. In a state of partial sleep. I'd dream that it (being born into this body) had all been a (bad) dream. I'd begin to get elated and excited about the day, facing the world. Then, when fully awake, and realizing it was real, crash into my thoughts, pull the covers over and not want to get out of bed. Not wanting to face the reality of having to be in this body. And have to face the world looking the way I do.

DITTO! Also like you, with age, this is improving and used to be much worse. If everything else is good in my life I can *sometimes* re-direct my thoughts to something very happy. I have no problems falling asleep, but I do wake often 1-2 hours before I'd like and usually with some negative memory or general bad emotion. Been talking to my T about this and trying to come up with some new things to try :)

 

[h2o]

This thread is really helping me identify a lot of things I have felt for a very long time. I am revisiting a lot of things I experienced in my childhood. I was bullied at school for my "sticky out ears". This was one of the things my abusive ex would pick up on my insecurity and he used to call me disgusting names.

He would say things like "no other man would ever want you because you are so ugly", and "why don't you wear your hair up in a ponytail and look feminine - you look like a transvestite". I believed him for the longest time (and still do to a degree with nearly 10 years of his conditioning under my belt).

Our beautiful daughter inherited my ears but my ex would say things such as "why did you put a pair of ears like that on our daughter you dumb c**t? - "you can't do anything right you dumb b***h". She recently had her ears pinned because I wanted to spare her the suffering I went through. It makes me sad just to write that. She was always beautiful to me but kids can be so unkind and I could not bear to think she would go through the same things I did.

I also have "issues" with other parts of my body and no matter what anybody says to try and reassure me, it is the feelings from within which are creating them today rather than any external influence these days. Hopefully I will come to some acceptance about this whole BPD thing eventually:)

 

[James B.]

Body dysmorphic.

The rejection from my family, and to an extent from society, due to the fact I am an adult of short stature (4' 11") plus the stress of my traumas, which included being hated by siblings, created some pretty bad body dysmorphic.

 

[Lionheart]

Wow I can really relate to this thread and the original post. My abuse perps picked a coupla physical traits of mine and used it to justify their abuse of me and I fell for it, .......hook, line, and sinker. :confused:

Because I incorrectly believed that it was my fault (due to these physical character traits) I began to try and change the way God made me..........being a human with flaws and imperfections, it set me up to hate my body and to suffer the effects of B.D. :eek:

I am better now and although I need to lose a little weight, I feel fine about my body now. :)...but man, it was not that way for the longest time!!!

 

[Sterre]

Body dysmorphic.

The rejection from my family, and to an extent from society, due to the fact I am an adult of short stature (4' 11") plus the stress of my traumas, which included being hated by siblings, created some pretty bad body dysmorphic.

Dear James,

This is the second or third time that you mention your actual height, I feel like you are emancipating yourself from the shame or bad bodyimage very bravely and consistently.
You should be proud of yourself!:tup:

I had to do some calculating on how much centimeters, 4"11 is, and it is if I calculated it rightly somewhere between 150 centimeters?
I myself am 1.67 centimeters and for four years I had a relationship with someone who was 10 centimeters shorter than me. I never really noticed it, he was build well and everything was in proportion. Yeah he was shorter than avarage men, but he was almost equal in height with a lot of woman.My younger sister is 1.55 in centimeters and her husband is 1.60 centimeters.

Maybe you live in a land of gaints, I dont know, but here in Holland people of our age are not very tall. And thats equally devided between men and woman.
The younger generation however is growing really tall these days.

I am sorry if by mentioning it, I make it worse for you, that certanly is not my intention.I hope you can get rid of this dismorphed body image you carry around, from what I have seen in your video about the detoxing you look really handsome.

Someday you are giong to be the proud men that you are, no matter the height you carry!

(((hugs)))