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Deleted member 33880
Hi all. I have had PTSd since I was six months old, a baby trapped under scalding water and extensively burned. I didn't know I was growing up with PTSD as all I knew of how to be was what I knew. I thought how I felt was the norm for everyone. Except it wasn't.
I had a family who were neglectful emotionally . They 'trained' me to be good and not make a fuss. So I became the good, bright, kind little girl who tried to mend the family dynamics.
My dad was physically and emotionally abusive and sometimes obliquely sexually abusive. My mother also had undiagnosed PTSD and Developmental Trauma so things were a mess at home. We were all pretty bright so that masked the damage to the outside world.
I was sexually abused aged 8 by another child on our street. For about six months.
I became anorexic in my twenties. Struggled with that for some decades. I was sexually assaulted and multiple raped aged 26. That one feels mainly healed. It is the developmental traumas that are harder to heal.
I then was sexually abused by a therapist when I was 32.
Aged 47 I had a breakdown caused by two years of horrendous bullying by my boss who was a nasty man in private and incredibly charismatic in public. Eventually he viciously verbally went for me several times in front of colleagues and I broke. I tried not to but I did. I just broke open and spent several weeks crying. I tried to carry on with my work but I was a mess. I struggled on but then got some counselling with a woman who dumped me via email when things got tough. I then found a psychologist. I have been working with him since 2010. IN about 2012 I had to give up work because I was in such a state. He is retiring early next year so I am scrabbling around trying to find other therapy methods that might speed up the healing so I don't have to go through the trauma of abandonment by him. I was diagnosed with CFT/ME last year but they think I have had it since the rape traumas in 1987. It explains why I feel life is so hard and even the smallest thing can take so much awful struggle to do.
I am now pretty well read and experienced on all aspects of Attachment Disorder in Adults and I have trained my psychologist very well over the past five years or so. He is a bit of a slow learner, it has to be said.
I am wanting to get my life much more back on track by summer 2017. Please cheer me on.
I had a family who were neglectful emotionally . They 'trained' me to be good and not make a fuss. So I became the good, bright, kind little girl who tried to mend the family dynamics.
My dad was physically and emotionally abusive and sometimes obliquely sexually abusive. My mother also had undiagnosed PTSD and Developmental Trauma so things were a mess at home. We were all pretty bright so that masked the damage to the outside world.
I was sexually abused aged 8 by another child on our street. For about six months.
I became anorexic in my twenties. Struggled with that for some decades. I was sexually assaulted and multiple raped aged 26. That one feels mainly healed. It is the developmental traumas that are harder to heal.
I then was sexually abused by a therapist when I was 32.
Aged 47 I had a breakdown caused by two years of horrendous bullying by my boss who was a nasty man in private and incredibly charismatic in public. Eventually he viciously verbally went for me several times in front of colleagues and I broke. I tried not to but I did. I just broke open and spent several weeks crying. I tried to carry on with my work but I was a mess. I struggled on but then got some counselling with a woman who dumped me via email when things got tough. I then found a psychologist. I have been working with him since 2010. IN about 2012 I had to give up work because I was in such a state. He is retiring early next year so I am scrabbling around trying to find other therapy methods that might speed up the healing so I don't have to go through the trauma of abandonment by him. I was diagnosed with CFT/ME last year but they think I have had it since the rape traumas in 1987. It explains why I feel life is so hard and even the smallest thing can take so much awful struggle to do.
I am now pretty well read and experienced on all aspects of Attachment Disorder in Adults and I have trained my psychologist very well over the past five years or so. He is a bit of a slow learner, it has to be said.
I am wanting to get my life much more back on track by summer 2017. Please cheer me on.
