Criticism - is it them or you?

[TonyG]

I am harder on myself than anyone else can ever be, I think that is the reason why I accept criticism, In my job there is a lot sledging from co workers when I make a mistake and of course I return it when the situation is reversed, I think the tone of the criticism decides my reaction, If it is clear and not personal I'm ok with it, If it is rude or abusive that's a different reaction, at work I grab a witness and go to a meeting room. on the street it can result in them having injuries,

 

[StarChild]

It's something raised in a book on Dead Link Removed.

Hi @anthony, could you recommend one or two of the good books as you mentioned above. Maybe even a workbook? - And English is fine with me. I found quite a lot books about CBT. But I really don't know which is a good / helpful one. Thank you very much in advance.

 

[anthony]

The depression book link you quoted is the number one recommendation. Whilst it is depression, it covers anxiety, and that book is a workbook.

There is also another good workbook Dead Link Removed which is more specific to anxiety and panic attacks.

Both are the major angles of PTSD, thus if you cover them both and work through their points, most will overlap, but you will literally master the majority of the issues in relation to your PTSD.

These are the exact skills I learnt and mastered over the years, which leads to my control over my PTSD symptoms and self-management. Learn to master the brain games you play with yourself, you remove a good majority of PTSD symptoms with that alone. It just takes 2 - 3 years for you to master them through practice and exposure. Some of the most symptomatic years of my life, yet longevity results as outlined in CBT books, speak for themselves for anyone who stuck with it and mastered the principles in self application.

Everything residual after that you deal with one issue at a time, but things are much easier and quicker to deal with when you remove 60% of the issues to begin with. Its why I also went after my worst trauma first. Sure... bad symptoms, but I accepted that and removed the worst issue first, which whilst hard, knocked away most other problems as a result. So instead of spending years playing with trauma, starting at the bottom and working my way up, which really the worst would just be counterproductive to everything I would have been doing the entire time, as it would have still been present and eating away at me... I started at the worst and then the rest just fell away. Six months of pain for years of gain.

 

[StarChild]

It's something raised in a book on Dead Link Removed

Hi again @anthony, now I'm confused... When I click on that link, it shows a book that's called: "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy". Is this really the book you mean?..

 

[anthony]

Yes. That is a leading CBT depression book. One of the single best in the world for its subject and knowledge.

 

[Friday]

I am harder on myself than anyone else can ever be, I think that is the reason why I accept criticism

Ha! That's it!!! :D

Sorry man, I have been trying to work out for months how I can have shit self esteem, and still not usually be affected by criticism & know that :

What other people say has no impact on what you feel. Another person cannot be responsible for making you feel upset or otherwise. No matter how vicious, heartless or cruel comments may be, they have no power to disturb you or create you discomfort.

^^^^ is absolutely & completely true.

It's like; Pfft. Get in line. :P

I mean, I know exactly when, where, & how that happened (2 events) & my thoughts and feelings became completely my own in the first bit (they always had been, but I knew it from that point onward: that I have to allow others to have influence over me); and the second bit taught me to look at who I allowed (discrimination)... But the self esteem piece has been bugging me for months.

Mystery solved. Love it when that happens.

 

[Teasel]

Think I needed to read this today. Sometimes I can handle this no problem. More often though I am stuck in all sorts of fear and other negative emotions n beliefs. Often feel quite terrified of people, sure ill be attacked any minute andfearing I deserve it.
So I can say that I could have plenty to work through here :p

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What's your take on this subject? Are you vulnerable to criticism, or not? If so, why, if not, why not?

Yep..to certian kinds anyway. The kinds i get at work on how to do a better job, no probelm...the kind that I perceive someone is saying "you're bad", :you're horrible"; or "you did wrong" seems to be the only trigger ive been able to identify.

Why?

need to feel loved and approved of,

And because in my mind, it proves EVERYTHING I was told inside the cult. Im the monster that i thought i was...

CBT is great, I have the site JL gave me bookmarked BUT I have to get through the DBT workbook first which is part or inside of CBT.

In DBT, Im having trouble finding an imagined "safe place" and also i cant seem to distract my thoughts...they move too fast or self soothe as its already too hightened. My therapist says it takes practice.

Also to write down my thoughts are to face them. Something else im having trouble with.

But conversing with the MOD on the other site is seeming to help, a lot. He's trying to teach me to take what i get. Basically allow myself to think or feel whatever and notice its there so i can challenge it. Not good at it but its still helping.

Also its a place where i can write down my thoughts and not feel "alone" with them and then he'll say "try ro say it this way".

Anyway, these are a few of my issues.

 

[RussH]

Many times it is both. The person offers up a mild criticism, not intending it to mean anything other than a comment, but because we are hyper-sensitive about being criticized our mind blows it our of proportion.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Many times it is both. The person offers up a mild criticism, not intending it to mean anything other than a comment, but because we are hyper-sensitive about being criticized our mind blows it our of proportion.

Well that would still be on you, the one being criticized, blowing it out of proportion.

I do feel that its on me, but I also feel that criticisim can be constructive and can also be destructive, no matter the intention. To me, words matter on how I take that criticism or what emotion comes out for me if any (still on me either way) but just another take on it all.

 

[RussH]

Well that would still be on you

I don't blame myself for it because I recognize it as a part of my trauma, and PTSD. I guess I don't think it is as important to blame someone, the criticized or the critic, but rather how to find a solution to the underlying problem, our PTSD

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I don't blame myself for it because I recognize it as a part of my trauma, and PTSD. I guess I don't think it is as important to blame someone, the criticized or the critic, but rather how to find a solution to the underlying problem, our PTSD

Ok, i can see what you're saying.

I also have BPD so I have a roller coster of emotions too that play a part too. I think at times it causes an emotion that I havent been able to identify yet or control yet and it sometimes tends to charge that emotion.