Crusoe's Emdr Diary - Warning: May Trigger

[krystina]

Wow, I had to suck, lick and kiss his f***** di** and then sometimes stuff would come out and sometimes it wouldn't. I don't know if this constitutes as oral sex. I totally agree with you though it was disgusting.

 

[Crusoe]

Yes it does hun - definitely classed as that :hug:

 

[krystina]

He would sit at the end of the bed and then make me do it.
At least we survived the experience. It was disgusting and I actually just told my counselor today about those memories. Happy to get that out.

 

[Crusoe]

An outburst!!!

OK I don't normally "do" anger. Well I do but no one ever sees it, I keep it hidden deep inside. I suppose sometimes hubby gets to see a little from time to time but that would be it. Today it came out in public which is very unusual for me and seeing as I was asked to note down anything that has changed since starting EMDR I thought that I would add it to my diary.

I walked into the staff room today at break and went to sit down. To get to a seat I had to walk between two coffee tables which are quite close together. Someone had left a laptop bag in the little alleyway between the two tables and I tripped over it. My response was to shout "Who has left a stupid laptop bag in a such a stupid position" and then I kicked it. I intended to kick it under the coffee table but as it was empty it was a lot lighter than I was expecting it to be and it got kicked under the table and out the other side towards my boss eeeeek. Everyone was speechless and shocked at my response and I don't think anyone dared admit to it being their bag. To be honest people are always leaving their bags in stupid positions so that people can't even get to the seats!!!

It's not the first time I have tripped over bags and I'm getting quite pissed off about it. Normally I would say something but I wouldn't show any anger though. I must admit I can be quite clumsy though but with being pregnant I'm getting clumsier and clumsier because it is harder to see your feet and it effects your sense of balance. I still maintain that it was a blumin stupid place to leave a bag and that it was an accident waiting to happen but I am ashamed at showing my anger and at kicking the bag. A number of staff agree with me that people leaving their bags etc in stupid places is a big problem and I don't think that they were just saying that because they were scared of upsetting me. One woman who I get on with quite well made a joke out of it and that made me feel a bit better but still. Hmmm. It's just not me. If it happens again I will be sending an email to all staff to make a point because I would really prefer not to end up in hospital with a broken neck before giving birth.

 

[Nyx]

I think writing an e-mail is a good idea, but try to write it when you are calm and relaxed. If people don;t feel you are shouting at them through the e-mail you have chances of being listened to. Though e-mail are hard to interpret and usually people give it meaning according to how they feel at the moment. Maybe trying speaking to them during another break, telling them why you lost your temper and why it would be important for them not to leave their bags in the wrong places? All with a smile on your face - I bet you have a wonderful and addictive smile.

 

[cherryblossom]

I wouldn't worry about your outburst. I think it's a totally natural reaction. Getting cross and angry, is all part of human nature. We can't all be sweetness and light all of the time ;) Health and safety in the workplace is everyones responsibility, I bet people think twice where they put their bags from now on, and if not, then a nice little email is a great idea!

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Crusoe,
Just wondered if you have had any more EMDR sessions?

My last session was in October, but last week I had a bad dream that sent me on a crazy downward spiral. My T. has suggested we do EMDR targetted specifically at that one dream. Not sure if it will be this week or leave it until after Christmas. I guess I am feeling disappointed that he thinks I need more EMDR.

 

[Crusoe]

No. They have either been cancelled to me being ill :vomit:or due to her having meetings / conferences etc away but they will be continuing soon. Turned up last week and she wasn't there and I assumed that she had forgotten about me but it's actually more likely that she had a meeting last week and I forgot that she had told me. Typical me. :banghead:Hopefully that will mean that we will be on this Tuesday but after that there will be nothing until after Christmas.

 

[Lucycat]

Sorry that you were unwell but love the vomiting smilie!!

 

[cherryblossom]

I hope your EMDR goes ok tomorrow, Crusoe.

 

[Crusoe]

Thanks hun. Got through lots of stuff today.

 

[Lucycat]

Well done Crusoe. Bet that feels better to have done another session, and know it is behind you.