Cry Or Scream In A Flashback?

[Justmehere]

After 12 hours of fighting round after round of ridiculously intense panic yesterday (4am to 4pm), I asked my therapist to call me. She did. I broke down on the phone. She reassured me that yes, we will talk through handling the landlord and that taking a break from it, while continuing to work on grounding, coping skills, etc, was a good course to take.

I told her how I had nightmares of a life threatening crime at the old place I used to live at and woke up at 4am terrified I would have to move.

This therapist does a version of somatic experiencing work and there is a type of process that can be done where it's like letting yourself have a controlled flashback on purpose. It's drawn out over a little longer time than it would normally happen, and isn't as intense. It's almost like a flashback in slow motion. It's hard to describe.

She had described it to me in the past and said it might be something we try someday. I have always thought I would be too ashamed to ever purposefully let myself feel so much with her.

Yesterday, I risked it. She walked me through it on the phone and it was ok. Oddly, I feel so so so much better.

Your posts about flashbacks helped me have the courage to risk it with her - thank you so so so much!

 

[Rainydaiz]

I have only had one flashback and it was so weird because I wasn't expecting it and I have no memory of trauma, just a suspicion that something bad happened to me (I do have a memory of the doctor being inappropriate with me when I was little and I think it is around that.). My therapist triggered me with a word the doctor had used and I started screaming in terror, then really sobbing hard shouting oh god oh god. Since I had never had this happen before it was a bit of a shock. I didn't have a visual memory just an incredible feeling of terror; like I wasn't really present. So yes I scream and shout but luckily no one was in the building apart from me and my t. I did panic it might happen again somewhere less appropriate but it hasn't done. I'm wondering if I'll ever have another one; I'd like to be able to work out what might have happened. It was so surreal. I was in shock afterwards, could've gone to sleep. I would've guessed everyone shouted out during flashbacks given my experience.