Crying Spells And Ptsd

[SeeMe_NotMyPTSD82]

I have been struggling with crying spells A LOT lately. I am trying to hold it back because I am a single mother of a 3 year old and he does not need to see his mother crying.

You really have no idea how much of a battle it is to hold it back. Just yesterday I was trying to fight one off and he came to me with his little alphabet fish and pointed out a letter to me. I opened my mouth to identify the letter for him and I couldn't even speak. Not even to say a simple letter because I wanted to cry so bad. He just stood there and stared at me because I pointed it to him with tears pouring out of my eyes. I was trying to smile but my kid isn't dumb. He knew something was wrong. I quickly shifted his attention to the dvd that was on so I could grab a tissue and clean my face up while he wasn't looking.

I have been dealing with the symptoms every day, triggers are all over the place, and the best part is: I have no one to talk to about this. I am seriously trying to keep it in but it feels like when you put too much clothing into a suitcase. No matter how you try to close it, everything that's stuffed in there is forcing it's way out. I don't want my son to see me cry or the other symptoms I battle with. But if I have my mother watch my son so I can go off and be sad for a while, even though she is a therapist and knows damn well about what PTSD is, she never hesitates to tell me I'm not normal and it makes me feel bad. I have no time to FEEL. Either I am with my son and have to concentrate on him without letting him see the symptoms, or I am logged in to college (schooling online) and need to concentrate on my homework, or I am out looking for a job and need to act like little Ms. Merry-Sunshine.

I wish I could have just 5 friggin minutes to just sit and exist for a minute so I can get this out. I don't have a counselor because I am in a small town and everyone out here is hyper-religious. I don't need to hear about God and satan. I just need to talk to a professional about what I'm going through. My friends don't get it, my father passed away, my mother is emotionally unavailable, I don't have family aside from my mother and my son...so I feel like I'm going to explode. These crying spells are seriously getting to me now.

So, what can I do? Just suck it up I guess. Just typing this out made me feel better. On to the grocery store now. I need to get distracted before the sadness turns into anxiety...again.

 

[gtpgurl]

I totaly understand. I am a new mom to a 10 month old. I also struggle with intense crying spells. I know she is still young but she can tell when I'm upset and she starts crying if she sees me crying and it absolutely breaks my heart.

I don't know how to deal with it other than doing my best to hold it together till I can get in the shower or she's asleep.

I'm so so sorry to hear you have no one to talk to. There are plenty of good listeners on here though. Maybe you should try journaling? I have always heard its is really cathartic. I have done it a couple times but I'm not a very good writer and I have no patience for it. (took me 15 min so far just to get this right).

I'm sorry I don't have better advise but know that you are not alone on here.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I am a dad of six and more importantly my youngest is only 8 months old ( I last saw him the day he was born). I cant see them but my thoughts and hugs are with you both. Small consolations but time really is a healer with PTSD. I can only speak from my own experiences with it.

Again Massive :hug: to you both.

Laurie

 

[soulsearcher]

I understand how you feel. I am a single mother of 3 teenage girls. I often lock myself in the bathroom so they don't see me cry. I have woke them several times from reliving my past in my dreams and start screaming and crying. All I can tell them is that I had a nightmare. From my experience I would suggest finding a therapist to talk to. It helps to talk about what is triggering you and find coping skills to help. I know this Journey is really rough but remember if you find you can't do it for yourself then do it for your child. Hang in there!!

 

[SeeMe_NotMyPTSD82]

Thank you everyone! Just being able to vent and know that at least people on this website understand helps tremendously. SoulSearcher, I may have to steal your idea about going in the bathroom to cry. I need to get this out!! Thank you so much everyone. Best of luck to you all!! <3 <3 <3

 

[Deleted member 24866]

I hear you too. I have a toddler, a 12 year old, and 14 year old.. can't even get to my school (at least mine is flexible-but will have to pay extra for more time and things are tight)

My mom is my truest support- daddy can't yet have unsupervised visits due to fresh recovery from alcoholism so we have to baby sit him to. Dead end job and I won't physically be able to do it forever. My therapist and this site have helped a lot..and slowly, and the best that I can, trying to communicate honestly with those around me. Like for instance confronting my mom about her anger issues.. and her not accepting any negative emotion from me. I'm stuck here for now.. she knows it, we are making progress. But without an outlet such as - a non-biased therapist, and this site.. I'd be pretty lost. Time for friends..? yeh right.. time for self..? everyone needs this, not just us with PTSD.

My older kids have seen though I have done my best to hide it. I tell them I have to take medicine and I will talk to them as they get older to understand. They are happy and well adjusted- thank God! When they are little you can just say.. mommy's sad right now. They feel good to give you a hug and know it makes you feel better. (yet clearly save this for necessity, I still try to hide it from them) Try to schedule that down time and your mom is an idiot.. sorry. You need it.. get a Good therapist. If the kids ask be honest and say.. someone hurt me, when your older I will explain. Truth is life is not all roses.. nor is it all hell.

Hang in there. Keep coming back.. :)

 

[SeeMe_NotMyPTSD82]

Thank you NLotfalla for the feedback but before you posted, I received a warning about this post. I contacted someone to ask about what I can do to fix it and no one has contacted me back yet. I hope they don't kick me off the site! This is all I have.

 

[SeeMe_NotMyPTSD82]

Ok, they said it was for grammar and everything is ok now. That gave me quite a scare!! lol Thank you though. One would think by having a mother who's a therapist that it would help but it doesn't. Not one bit. I see her counseling other people, conducting research to get answers for how to help them and when I try to talk to her about what I'm feeling, she just says I have nothing to be stressed about and I need to get over the past. I don't understand because what is in my past that gave me the PTSD is not exactly something I can just get over. It's trauma!! I wish I could talk to her. You have no idea how bad. I think she still sees me as a teenager or something. I try to ask her to take my symptoms seriously and she just tells me to get over it. This is a public forum and I really don't want to discuss what happened, but it happened to me twice and it isn't anything a 12 year old or a 21 year old should have ever gone through. My father's death hit me pretty hard too. I never got a chance to get counseling when it happened because I was in a bad relationship. Now, I'm just in a small town with people who are too religious. I believe in God, but I don't need someone to lecture me about sin. I need counseling!!

 

[Deleted member 24866]

I agree, that's not nice MyPTSD. Sorry, love this sight, but its almost like bullying someone already messed up. Some people can't read or write at all for Pete's sake. I know I suck at grammar and punctuation. I never had a knack for it. If you want to help everyone maybe you should relax a bit. Just my opinion, I will do my best not to tick you off but I know what you are talking about. You have no one, no where.. You find this sight and hope, and get a warning you may not be good enough to stay. :p (Not saying you SeeMe_NotMyPTSD82 -talking from my experience.)

Thankfully, I am still here. One day at a time.
Take care dear, sorry to hear about the struggles.

 

[cherryblossom]

Please keep this thread on topic.

its almost like bullying someone already messed up. Some people can't read or write at all for Pete's sake.

Members agree to all the forum rules (including grammar rules) when they sign up to the forum. If you read those rules, and know you can't follow them, or simply don't want to, then don't join the forum. It's not bullying to ask someone to abide by the rules that they have already agreed to. It's not the fault of administrators or moderators if you didn't bother to read or take the time to understand the forum rules. In my opinion, members need to take responsibility for their own mistakes, and stop blaming the moderators who take the time to correct their mistakes and notify the member of that mistake. With regards to 'basic grammar', a member has to make a lot of errors over a short period of time to accumulate enough 'points' to cause themselves to be banned.

Any notifications received are just that - notifications of the facts. They are not bullying or threatening. If you have any questions regarding forum rules, or any notifications received, please raise those questions at the help desk.

Please keep this thread on topic - "Crying Spells And Ptsd". Thanks.

 

[SeeMe_NotMyPTSD82]

I just read the last 2 posts. I am sorry for the upset the forum that I created may have caused. But I do thank everyone for taking time to read and respond. It does help tremendously to know that (1) people get it and (2) I'm not alone. Just being able to vent takes so much weight off my back!! You have no idea. I mean, I will still have the symptoms to deal with on a daily basis, but now having somewhere to turn is like a breath of fresh air. =) Wishing everyone the best of luck!