Crying

[Ronin1]

Yesterday was one of those days were I just wanted to disappear completely.

My daughter is almost three month old, and she started her life loosing a lot of weight because she didn't want to eat. When we got that under control she began crying. A LOT... She was one of the famous colic babies.

She still has some days where she wont sleep, and were she cries all day..
Somehow, her crying just takes me apart, very slowly, taking on piece apart at the time.

Yesterday was one of those days. I was sad all day, I had some giant nightmares were my girlfriend couldn't get to me, and I was crying like a little girl.
My girlfriend called my mother to pick her and my daughter up, so I could get some hours for my self. I hate that she has to do that, even though we both know that it helps.

Well, my girlfriend got some sleep, and my mother took care of our daughter, and made a nice dinner for them, so they had a nice afternoon and evening.

Me on the other hand, went to Iaido class. It's great because you have to focus on the movements, and therefore forget about the daily battles for a while.

I really hate those days. And I hate the fact that I cannot find room in m head and keep cool when my daughter cries. I just want to be the perfect father.

 

[Anglesachse]

The Perfect Father! yeah I tried that, I try and do my best these days, but then my son is 13, so I can sit and talk to him, not about the details but a heads up so he knows where I am with my head, it helps.

I found that the days when the misses used to go and leave me it would probably not have made a difference if she had stayed. My wife knows now that what ever she does it is more than likely going to be the wrong thing, But it doesn`t help that we don`t know what we want ourselves.

I started Qi Gong for exactly the same reason that you go to iaido, I even have a space at home in my garden where I can be alone for it.

I think the fact that you know the problem and talk about it is a going to help you. Have you ever spoken to your wife? Mine knows a lot, still no nitty gritty details but more than the basics, and she now understands why I am like I am, it also helps here to navigate my day without hitting to many landmines so to speak.

Hope todays a better day for you J brother. and give you kid a cuddle for toughing you out

 

[zombiemoo]

Hi Johnny,
I have a 5 year old girl and my son is 3. About 6 months into the pregnancy with my son I started to notice something was wrong with my head and by the time he was born I didn't feel a thing. No excitement, no joy no love nothing. I had withdrawn completely and I had to fake my emotions for my wife and family. I couldn't stand his crying and I could never calm him, as you said it was like I was being taken apart. All I could think about was disappearing. I got along like that for over a year before it all came to a head. I can relate to what you are going through and you are a lot smarter then me because I told no one how I was feeling, I never spoke up and my kids and wife are terrified of me because of that. It sounds like you have the support and understanding from your family and what I am finding out is you need to use that.
About a month ago my psychologist told me stop trying to be normal Ed because your not. Stop thinking you should be able to handle everything because you can't. Stop beating yourself down because you can't be a good dad and husband. You need to say when you need a break and help. And it has helped me a lot. I'll will grab my swag for a night, just me the bush and the stars and BREATHE! When I come back I'm good and I can be there for my family and they appreciate that. I found out late and I have done a lot of damage,
in my opinion and as Angelsachse said your on the right track, you have found something that brings you back and you are communicating.

Take it easy mate and I hope tomorrow is better for you.

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

You guys are making lots of the right moves, the best of which is admiting you have a problem. Ignoring it is a trap, and the biggest mistake you can make.

Spending time with my kids as they grew was a huge help for me. As I watched them I began to see things as they saw them. A warrior will never find that view on his own because warrior's eyes look past the beauty that a child can still see. My kids taught me how to laugh again.

Including my wife by letting her know I was working hard on a problem that effected both of us was my way of explaining that I still cared. She will never truly understand anymore than anyone else who hasn't seen combat. But, she's learned to look past the dragon, and see the rest of me.

This was the hardest thing for me to understand. I have to put myself first because I can't be right for them unless I'm right for me. That's not being selfish, it's being a realist. The reality is I can't provide for them and be a part of healthy relationship until I put the dragon to sleep.

SD

 

[Sludge]

My kids always drove me nuts. More so now that they are technically adults. To this day a screeching babe sets me on edge. When mine were bawling, I often ended up bawling with them as a result. Irony? yeah, they would stop sobbing and smile as Dad did the waterworks routine. Then again, I'm pretty sure my kids are each one half of the prophesied anti-christ. Just look at what I pay in car insurance as proof...