Curiosity

[lilred924]

After dealing with some health issues which I'm definitly still dealing with and not understanding it came to me that the events that have happened in my life in the past few months - I just don't think I've come to grips with. About six weeks ago my mother had a Subdural hematoma and had a full craniotomy. I have been strong throughout and she is doing much better and healing well. She had a siezure about a week after getting out of the hospital so what we thought was all healing of course took us for a huge jolt when that happened. This is common for brain surgery - post traumatic. Everyday I call her and make sure she takes her medicine (especially her anti-siezure) and I worry about her constantly because she lives in somewhat of a stressful environment. Of course all the while she is now healthy enough to live daily, run to the store, almost normally accept being so tired I hold onto it everyday. The what if's and the stress involved. I have yet to break down. I have always been the strength per say and now I'm not sure how to move forward from it. My hands and legs started to get numb and at times I feel my heartbeat is off. I ache all over sometimes and my TMJ is ridiculous. I've had so many medical checks to figure out why I'm waking up with things numb and why it's hard to swollow and all has come back good and at this point I have nowhere else to go in my mind but to realize I just haven't delt with this yet. I don't dress nice right now and I find it extremely hard to put myself together to go to work now. I've always been very social and all I really want to do is stay in the house. Which of course when I do I just search the internet over and over again about what could be wrong with my health. I don't talk to many people so it occured to me to look for a forum online. Does anyone else experience any of these due to stress? I just want to feel better. I want to be myself again, dress nice and not be afraid to go to sleep because of strange fear about my health. It's totally irrational I'm sure and I'm only 32 and don't want to live feeling this way.

 

[Deleted member 487]

I don't know what to say. I'll pray for you though.