Cutting And Si, But Don't Want To Die

[hina_hanta]

Hello!

Anyway, here's what's up:

I've been having a lot of trouble with depression in the past month. I have a hard time getting along with my mother, and things have been stressful for us both. Sometimes we take our stress out on each other. On top of relationship problems with Mom, I am dealing with being a full time college student, pressure to do right in other areas, bad thoughts, severe anxiety, missing the love of my life terribly, and the like.

Anyway, about a month ago, after I've completely had it with my Mom making me feel like a bad kid and having felt terrible about myself for a long time, I decided to cut myself using a small button pin. It helped a little. I've injured myself in the past but I've never cut. I have SI but I do not want to die. The cutting is a way for me to release the pressure.

I still do it. I did it last night because I was feeling overwhelmed.

I should probably also mention that, when I started cutting, I hadn't seen my therapist in 2-3 months because of school. However, I started seeing her again afterwards. I talked to my mom and therapist about the cutting. My therapist is having me work on these DBT diary cards, which really help. I still have the SI, however, I REALLY don't want to die. I have a lot to live for. I just want to escape.

This past month has been hard, but I'm hanging in there. I'm using my talents in the arts to cope. I'm still seeing my therapist every week. I just wanted to get this off my chest.

 

[TimeToHeal]

I totally understand the cutting, or self-injury. I have done it on and off for years. Sometimes not for years at a time but it seems to come back up.....in times of great distress or overwhelming emotions.

I don't know that I have any real advice for you, just wanted to let you know I understand and you are not alone.