Woah! Just few minutes ago I got an e-mail message from my one aunt (the only woman in the family who says she's never been abused and doesn't know what all the others' fuss is about). She invited me for spending Christmas at her house "in order to carry on our family's traditions". And then something new happened: I felt that I did not want to, that I got mad at her for contacting me although I had never given her my new name (after an official name change (first and last)) nor my new contact details and although she treated me like shit the last few years, when I had started to leave the family more and more clearly. Anyway, I knew I didn't want this and a figurative voice said: Maybe you should think this over first for fairness. And I said: no. So, within like a minute I wrote back to her saying that I do not think that I want to carry on any family traditions and that I would wish them a good time.
She made comments about my name change (I call this "fishing"; she never really asks, she just hints and expects you to react), I did not respond.
The good thing about this that feels so new is: I felt all those emotions come up that split second when I had read her message. And the so fast reaction by me, writing back saying no, had those emotions cease in a healthy way. I made my point. I knew what my point was, i.e. what I really wanted, and I acted. I'm amazed at how easy it can be.
Tomorrow I should receive my part of the proceeds of the "house of beautiful family traditions" (sarcasm). Then I can finally buy furniture and unpack! So far, I've been living with a matress, one arm chair, a fridge and a washing machine. :)
I can not express how grateful I am that I do not have to stay in touch with who has remained from my biological family. You can indeed have your own life, without abuse.
