Sweatpants, the issue with the protection order has a long and ugly and involved history, as all toxic family histories are. I honestly don't know how to do this in less than 100 pages and still give a complete picture, but let me try. Preempting the possibility that it might be too long for one post, I've decided to do it in chapters :rolleyes:
My mother, who never liked girls very much, had a miscarriage before I was two - she lost twin boys, and must have been devastated. Apparently she was quite ill, and during that time, my 11 yo sister (Louise) and 13 yo brother (Ray) (who were like siamese twins, and still are) became my primary care givers. Somehow I never found my way back to my mother. Louise, is a sick f*ck, has always been, will always be. Ray has always been her lapdog and henchman. He is as spineless as she is harsh. They are both equally cruel. At the time of my birth Louise and Ray already showed clear signs of having lived in a highly dysfunctional family (I had two more siblings - who were very withdrawn).
Skip my childhood. At one point (about 15 years ago) I ended all contact with Louise. When my father was dying, in 2007, he asked me if I could help Louise, who was struggling financially, socially, oh hell, in all areas. Now this is so typical of enmeshed families: I made an emotional decision based on the fact that my father was dying - ignoring our history and his violence, and opting for sentimentality. Louise and I made peace. Mistake 1.
A friend of mine, Karen, and I bought property, to renovate and resell, in the city where Louise lived. Louise was appointed project manager of the upgrade. Big mistake. What the hell was I thinking? But these matters are never cut and dried. I see now how Karen as my 'primary care giver' still had an emotional hold over me, how I still wanted her approval, how I wanted to 'help', how I wanted to play happy families.
During that time my daughter, who was 7 months, had respiratory problems. The pediatrician said the thought it was allergy based. My daughter and I visited Louise to take care of legal business regarding the property, and my daughter's health improved drastically. Back in my hometown the pediatrician said it confirmed his theory about her respiratory problems, and I decided to take the plunge and move across country for two reasons: 1) my daughter's health, and 2) to be involved in the upgrade of the property - especially as I was putting ALL my money into a project to help my sister. I was still in my hometown and it was difficult to arrange accommodation from so many miles away. At that point Louise could not pay her rent, and I suggested that we share a house for a period of three months until I could find a suitable place and she was financially in a better place (she was given a salary while doing the upgrade and would receive a percentage of the profits). Sharing a house for 3 months? What the hell was I thinking???? Big mistake.
to be continued
