So I have mentioned in my other posts that my dad's abuse towards me was of a psychological nature. He did not want a daughter and wanted a son and raised me as a son (including all the stero typical ways that son is are supposed to be raised)
One of the very detrimental things he used to do was not recognize when I was in pain. He would even threaten to make it "really hurt" if I complained I was in pain for any reason. He wouldn't allow my mother to give me pain medication and would make fun of me if I said I hurt.
Well I found out recently my father has been in physical pain all his life. He has never done anything about it, just "sucked it up like a man".
One of the things that he as dealt with all his life is neuropathy in this right hand. Apparently both my dad and I have a genetic condition that makes us especially prone to nerve damage in our hands because the main nerve in our wrists does not go through the carpel tunnel. He damaged his when he was in a motorcycle accident. All my life he would constantly rub his hand on things. His chair, carpet on the floor etc. It used to drive me crazy because it was a constant thing but I never said anything about it.
Well two years ago I fell, through a hole in the floor in a building that was under construction. I damaged the nerve in my right hand. One day I noticed I was rubbing my right hand on the couch just like my father used to do. It actually did make it feel better, but I resolved right then and their I was not going to be like him for the rest of my life and just "suck up" the pain.
My dad noticed I was rubbing my hand (he knew about the fall) and at first tried to give me the "you are such a trooper line" I looked him square in the face and said "You may have chosen to live with the pain but I have not I will find a way to make it go away." He looked at me really startled.
Well two years later I have, using natural methods, reduced the pain in my right side by over 90%. My dad has watched me go from constant chronic pain to almost virtually pain free.
However, on certain days it still flares up and bothers me. A few days ago the pain had flared up because of the cold weather and standing on the cold concrete in my ware house filling orders for my business. I came inside. He was there because he was with my mother and she needed to pick something up in the office. He saw me limping. I hobbled over and sat down next to him in the office. Then he did something that I never expected him to do in a million years.
He smiled at me took my hand and just held my hand. "I am sorry you are in pain honey" He said. That may sound so simple but really that small acknowledgment and that small loving gesture is not something my dad has ever given to me. I almost burst into tears.
I just held his hand as long as he let me. Feeling like the whole world has changed. I just had to share with all of you. In that moment I was not angry at him any more, for that moment I felt what it was like to be loved by a parent and it felt great!!
One of the very detrimental things he used to do was not recognize when I was in pain. He would even threaten to make it "really hurt" if I complained I was in pain for any reason. He wouldn't allow my mother to give me pain medication and would make fun of me if I said I hurt.
Well I found out recently my father has been in physical pain all his life. He has never done anything about it, just "sucked it up like a man".
One of the things that he as dealt with all his life is neuropathy in this right hand. Apparently both my dad and I have a genetic condition that makes us especially prone to nerve damage in our hands because the main nerve in our wrists does not go through the carpel tunnel. He damaged his when he was in a motorcycle accident. All my life he would constantly rub his hand on things. His chair, carpet on the floor etc. It used to drive me crazy because it was a constant thing but I never said anything about it.
Well two years ago I fell, through a hole in the floor in a building that was under construction. I damaged the nerve in my right hand. One day I noticed I was rubbing my right hand on the couch just like my father used to do. It actually did make it feel better, but I resolved right then and their I was not going to be like him for the rest of my life and just "suck up" the pain.
My dad noticed I was rubbing my hand (he knew about the fall) and at first tried to give me the "you are such a trooper line" I looked him square in the face and said "You may have chosen to live with the pain but I have not I will find a way to make it go away." He looked at me really startled.
Well two years later I have, using natural methods, reduced the pain in my right side by over 90%. My dad has watched me go from constant chronic pain to almost virtually pain free.
However, on certain days it still flares up and bothers me. A few days ago the pain had flared up because of the cold weather and standing on the cold concrete in my ware house filling orders for my business. I came inside. He was there because he was with my mother and she needed to pick something up in the office. He saw me limping. I hobbled over and sat down next to him in the office. Then he did something that I never expected him to do in a million years.
He smiled at me took my hand and just held my hand. "I am sorry you are in pain honey" He said. That may sound so simple but really that small acknowledgment and that small loving gesture is not something my dad has ever given to me. I almost burst into tears.
I just held his hand as long as he let me. Feeling like the whole world has changed. I just had to share with all of you. In that moment I was not angry at him any more, for that moment I felt what it was like to be loved by a parent and it felt great!!
