LunaticOnTheFritz
Not Active
When I was little all I wanted was to be daddy's little girl but daddy didn't want the same thing. So I became a mama's girl. He would get jealous because I always called the house to talk to her and never him.
I tried to call the house to talk to him but it was always awkward. In between abuse cycles the parents always said they loved me but it didn't last long before I was being told I was crazy or a stupid little bitch.
Or they would downplay and dismiss issues I had. They were very non-supportive. However, my kid brother had a much different experience. He was the baby and their pride and joy. I was just a pain in the ass. We both had Tourette Syndrome but mine was worse and harder for them to deal with.
Dad never took the time to get to know me. And at age 56 after mom passed he suddenly decides he wants a relationship with me. He can't understand why we aren't closer so he asked me why. I was reluctant to answer because I didn't wanna hurt him the way he's hurt me.
But I finally told him some of what I was feeling. Not all of it. Of course then our troubles became my fault. It created "a dark cloud over our relationship" he said. *Rolls Eyes* We have argued off and on via FB and email. He says extremely hurtful things to make me feel bad and tries to blame me for everything.
It got so bad that at one point we didn't talk for a week. I was hoping he'd just dip out and move on but he has to have someone to talk to. I get 3 word emails and he won't acknowledge or respond to anything now that I reply back.
This week he's been just sending news articles rather than talk to me. He's mad cuz I don't call him or visit. I have no car and I don't call because he makes me feel like shit. I wanna just tell him to go to hell after all these years and cut the cord but he's my father. I know I shouldn't feel obligated to let him continue to hurt me.
So I'm just at a place where I don't really know what to do. I don't like the idea of hurting someone the way they've hurt me. Sad thing is, I don't think he even realizes. If I point it out he's just gonna get pissed anyway and tell me he doesn't wanna hear it.
Then he just acts like it never happened and continues to email me whatever just so I know he's still alive and to check on me. I'm tired of ignoring all this BS and putting up with it. It's not doing my mental health any good for sure.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I tried to call the house to talk to him but it was always awkward. In between abuse cycles the parents always said they loved me but it didn't last long before I was being told I was crazy or a stupid little bitch.
Or they would downplay and dismiss issues I had. They were very non-supportive. However, my kid brother had a much different experience. He was the baby and their pride and joy. I was just a pain in the ass. We both had Tourette Syndrome but mine was worse and harder for them to deal with.
Dad never took the time to get to know me. And at age 56 after mom passed he suddenly decides he wants a relationship with me. He can't understand why we aren't closer so he asked me why. I was reluctant to answer because I didn't wanna hurt him the way he's hurt me.
But I finally told him some of what I was feeling. Not all of it. Of course then our troubles became my fault. It created "a dark cloud over our relationship" he said. *Rolls Eyes* We have argued off and on via FB and email. He says extremely hurtful things to make me feel bad and tries to blame me for everything.
It got so bad that at one point we didn't talk for a week. I was hoping he'd just dip out and move on but he has to have someone to talk to. I get 3 word emails and he won't acknowledge or respond to anything now that I reply back.
This week he's been just sending news articles rather than talk to me. He's mad cuz I don't call him or visit. I have no car and I don't call because he makes me feel like shit. I wanna just tell him to go to hell after all these years and cut the cord but he's my father. I know I shouldn't feel obligated to let him continue to hurt me.
So I'm just at a place where I don't really know what to do. I don't like the idea of hurting someone the way they've hurt me. Sad thing is, I don't think he even realizes. If I point it out he's just gonna get pissed anyway and tell me he doesn't wanna hear it.
Then he just acts like it never happened and continues to email me whatever just so I know he's still alive and to check on me. I'm tired of ignoring all this BS and putting up with it. It's not doing my mental health any good for sure.
Thanks for letting me vent.
