Sufferer Damaged

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[safenow]

Hi BB.

How you doing today?

 

[BB1300]

Hi everyone, I was told last night by my wife that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to do couples therapy or not. I offered up all the information I have from books the therapist has given me to stuff on the net that I have found. I’m finally getting help for what I thought was natural things for a dad to think when his kids are done this way but she can’t seem to put enough distance between us right now like I have the plague or I’m contagious. I hurt pretty deep to know that for all these years I said there is nothing wrong with me this is how I’m should feel after something like this has taken place and this is my punishment for letting my kids down. I’m working on me and doing good at it so far. One day at a time

 

[safenow]

(((( BB1300 )))), if you'll allow me to hug you.

 

[WillyKat]

Hi everyone, I was told last night by my wife that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to do couples therapy or not.

It's possible that she is not ready to face her own issues or issues about her dad. And clearly, you are...

 

[shell]

I imagine she would be carrying a load of guilt about her father's abuse, perhap if she faced her own issues she would be able to understand your reaction. Perhaps she is feeling like you have been blaming her, because you have become distant.

No matter what happens, it is better to deal with the emotions and let them out, than to become numb and stuff them down. I have found listening to music enables me to feel what I have been holding back, it can be very helpful, avoidance is what causes us problems.

Maybe it is not the right time for couples therapy, perhaps individual therapy for each of you would be more helpful and then couples therapy if both parties are willing.

I am sorry that you are going through this, there is a lot of helpful information and support available on this forum, may be it would be useful for your wife as well.

 

[safenow]

BB, I agree with Shell. I do hope you can find some peace in all this and get the help you need. I do hope she can get the help she needs as well. Individual therapy sounds like the right thing to do just now. Hang in there. Keep talking.

 

[ms spock]

I just told my dad about what had happened to my children just the other day. I hadn't told him in fear that he would something to the in-law.

Hello BB1300 and Welcome to the Forum!

I hope you reported your father in the law and child services so he can't do this to other children.

Best wishes.

 

[ms spock]

I'm wondering if it isn't possible that your wife is reacting to the situation in a very unhealthy way. I hate to bring this up, because it sounds like you have enough on your plate, but is it possible that others in the family were abused? Often, these things don't happen one time but are part of a larger pattern.

I wondered that as well. It is likely that you will find out that your father-in-law is has sexually abused other children in the family. Your children will be highly unlikely to be the first children that he has sexually abused.

 

[Jlso111187]

Its not your fault. My mom and dad blame themselves for me being raped by my uncle even though they didnt find out til 4 years after it happened the last time but I dont blame them. I know that they would have stopped it if they knew. Its a heavy burden to carry around. I am sure your children know you would have stopped it and protected them if you had any idea what was going on, and I am sure later in life they will be able to tell you that. But until then hold them close and let them know just how much you love them and will be there for them though thick and thin. It will help in their healing process alot.

 

[ms spock]

I'm very new to this and this is all uncharted lands that I'm in. Is this normal for a song to to hit you so hard that it can cripple you? She didn't mean anything by it and said she didn't realize until just after she sent me the text.

Yes it is.