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Date rape?

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by withbravewings2018, Jul 7, 2018.

    I recently went to a conference on legal aid for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault for work. After the conference, I started remembering something that happened to me a couple years ago during college.

    I went on a couple dates with this guy senior year of college. He seemed nice and we had mutual friends, so I felt like I could trust him.

    On the second date I agreed to have sex with him. It felt pretty awkward from the beginning, and after we had made out and tried to have sex, we stopped for a moment. Everything just felt sort of off and I didn’t want to keep going. I told him I wanted to be done and asked him to leave. He got angry and told me he wanted to take care of his erection first. I felt afraid when he didn’t immediately say “okay” or leave, so I did what he told me. I didn’t say yes…I think I eventually said something like, "right," but I performed oral sex with him (choking and crying the whole time). When he started to have sex with me again and asked me he didn't ask my permission, and later when he asked if I wanted to do it in a different position, I told him no. He seemed upset again but finally left.

    I recently confronted him on Facebook…I didn’t call what he did rape, but I told him how wrong it felt to me. He said he remembered it differently and didn’t remember feeling angry but was disappointed when things didn’t seem to be going well and wanting to prove that he could be better. He also said he was sexually inexperienced and might have misread the cues. He said he didn’t mean to hurt me and is sorry that he did.

    I guess I’m glad he apologized…and at the same time now I feel like maybe I’m crazy. I don’t think I’m remembering incorrectly…but I still don't know if what happened could be considered rape. I believe that he was inexperienced and wasn’t communicating well, but I also believe that he let his hormones take over and acted like a lot of guys would, he acted like he was entitled to my body. I had not been with many guys but I had told other guys "no" before and had no problem telling this guy to stop up until he seemed angry and made it seem like I wasn't allowed to say no.

    I keep having flashbacks and feeling traumatized...I realize it doesn't have to be rape to be traumatic but part of me feels like I need to be able to label what happened to me.

    Thoughts?
     
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  2. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

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  3. Skywatcher

    Skywatcher Active Member

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    Therapy might help you sort this out. I’m sorry that you went through this bad experience.
     
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