Dates- Birthdays Etc

[Lucycat]

I have recently felt stressed by the date showing on the calender.

For example this month was both my sister's Birthday and her Deathday - she died just a few days before her 26th Birthday many years ago. I struggled with those days, but accept that I am allowed to be sad.

But Now April is fast approaching and is again laden with 'special dates'. Friday is my Father's birthday. It is wierd to ignore it although I now have no relationship with him. I will feel sad for what we have lost although it was all his fault. Then it is mother's day on Sunday. I still have a mother and have just arranged to send her flowers, but it is a half hearted gesture done out of duty.

Then during the week it is my nephew's birthday followed by my grandsons birthday. Neither a big deal but for both I must remember to buy and send a card as Rory will never remember - and what presents should we get ?- that we can post. My head is just not focussed at all.

And then a week later it is my Mother's birthday so another duty - bound gesture and gift via the internet. I will feel obliged to phone her again. Discuss trivia. Feel guilty for the situation my father has put her in. I don't phone her very often now and she almost never calls me.

I wish I did not worry about all this. I know logically that a date is just another day - but why do I let it have such a profound effect on my mood?

 

[Nyx]

I usually ignore my father's birthday when it comes. But the again, it's easy for me, because I am forgetful :)

But I can understand why it would affect your mood. The thought that it is his birthday leads you to think about him, then what he did, etc. Just the same with your sister, your mother..

I think what you can do about this is to discuss it in therapy and work on your feelings. The fact that these feelings are altering your mood so much is a clear sign of unresolved issues. Once you work on them, maybe they won't affect you as much...

Hang in there and try to take care of you in these stressful time, k? :hug:

 

[Lucycat]

Thanks Nyx,
Unfortunately I did not handle it as well as I might. I went to the pub and I had a pepsi and then for some strange reason the barmaid started singing Happy Birthday.

So I had a Brandy. The first alcohol for about 10 weeks. And then I had another, and another......

I woke up with a headache this morning, and yet again feel pretty stupid!

Still that's it over for another year!!
Best Wishes
Lucy x

 

[Nyx]

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are dealing with a lot at the same time if you count only the PTSD. Unfortunately, it's not "only that". I'm sure you are doing the best you can and I'm even more sure you'll beat this. Because you are determined and strong. Because you can. And because you want to.

Maybe it will make you feel better if you look back at what you have achieved lately and give yourself the deserved pat on the back for it. Slip-ups happen. But changes we build ourselves are stronger than moments of weakness. We all have moments of weakness, it's part of what makes us human. Let it slide and get on with the good work you're doing on yourself!

Take care.