Oh boy....where to start?
In Dec 2014 I got divorced. It wasn't ugly, we just grew apart and decided to split. We have a now 9 year old who spends half of her time with me.
Soon after my divorce I met a cute, younger guy on a dating site. He was very polite and didn't do all the crap most guys seem to do on dating sites. Of all things, we bonded while chatting about our love of cats. He had 3 and I had 3 and we are both crazy cat people!
We finally met in person on new years eve 2015. I invited him over for a PJ party and some drinks.
I like younger men and he likes cougars, so we instantly connected! Remember, I had juuuust gotten divorced and made it clear I was not looking for a husband, in fact I wanted to date around and enjoy my new freedom. After a couple of dates he said he was catching feelings, and to make a long story short, I dated a few other people, but really liked him. He wanted to be exclusive and I finally decided I did too. The dating multiple men was not my thing.
Things were great. We didn't fight. We seemed to work well together and fell madly in love. After 10 months of dating, we decided to live together. I own my home and he rented a crappy apt, so he moved in with me (don't forget my daughter is here half the time)
There was an adjustment period for all of us, but my daughter just loves him and he adores her. After 4 months living together, he asked me to come home with him to meet his family. I went. He was a completely different person. I was miserable the last 3 days. When we got home, he spent 2 weeks on the couch complaining of stomach pain. He had it in the past too. From there he lost a ton of weight and has complained about chronic stomach pain ever since.
Additionally he has become angry. He is in group anger mgmt at the VA and has had 3 invasive tests to see what the stomach problem is. They are finding nothing.
He has become increasingly hostile, verbally and at this point, emotionally abusive.
I try to have a thick skin, but I am a HSP and his words and actions cut me very deeply. I know he has issues. When I was his age I had similar issues due to my childhood. I'm 44 now and I've done the work to get myself stable. I take medication daily for ADHD, bipolar and anxiety. I understand the struggle with mental health issues.
I so badly want to help him, but he gets defensive if I try to give him "I've been there and these are things that worked for me" advice.
He tells me he's not a child (although he and my 9 yo display alot of the same behaviors!!), calls me names when I say something he doesn't like.
I think the worst thing he does is criticize my parenting skills. He has no children of his own mind you. His biggest problem is with her eating. She's picky and a she's 9. We switched to eating organic when I met him because he educated me about GMO'S and how crappy our food is. He constantly - i mean daily, bitches about her not getting proper nutrition...blah blah blah. It's stupid. My daughter is perfectly healthy.
So here is my latest drama. Last night, my daughter had a volleyball game. Prior to the game, he came home in a foul mood (I think) and upon walking in the door, he immediately said he forgot to get hay for the guinea pigs and he was going to get it now. I said it was no big deal, they have hay pellets and all the other (organic) veggies we feed them.
He immediately became angry and accused me of trying to tell him what to do. I walked out to his car to ask him if everything was ok and he started yelling at me in the garage about trying to stop him. I tried to explain that was not the case, but he drove off pissed.
Half hour goes by and we need to leave for the game. As we walk out, he pulls in. I asked if he was coming and he said yes and got in the car. We picked up my mom and went to the game. My ex-mother in law was there too. He sat in the stands playing on his phone (I was coaching). After the game the girls get a snack bag..this happens every game. My ex mother in law gave my kiddo some cookies in a baggie too. The next thing I know, he is saying can we please not let her eat this crap before a healthy meal. Both grandma's made a comment like ohhh let her eat them...then very loudly he said "she doesnt give a f*ck about her daughters nutrition " in front of my mom, my ex mother in law and a bunch of little kids. I was pissed. I still am. I think it's time for him to move out. The disrespect in front of all of those people really hit me hard. I don't know what to do.
I do love him. He a good person, I know this. We have great chemistry in bed, but he he never wants to have sex anymore.
Idk....any words of wisdom?
In Dec 2014 I got divorced. It wasn't ugly, we just grew apart and decided to split. We have a now 9 year old who spends half of her time with me.
Soon after my divorce I met a cute, younger guy on a dating site. He was very polite and didn't do all the crap most guys seem to do on dating sites. Of all things, we bonded while chatting about our love of cats. He had 3 and I had 3 and we are both crazy cat people!
We finally met in person on new years eve 2015. I invited him over for a PJ party and some drinks.
I like younger men and he likes cougars, so we instantly connected! Remember, I had juuuust gotten divorced and made it clear I was not looking for a husband, in fact I wanted to date around and enjoy my new freedom. After a couple of dates he said he was catching feelings, and to make a long story short, I dated a few other people, but really liked him. He wanted to be exclusive and I finally decided I did too. The dating multiple men was not my thing.
Things were great. We didn't fight. We seemed to work well together and fell madly in love. After 10 months of dating, we decided to live together. I own my home and he rented a crappy apt, so he moved in with me (don't forget my daughter is here half the time)
There was an adjustment period for all of us, but my daughter just loves him and he adores her. After 4 months living together, he asked me to come home with him to meet his family. I went. He was a completely different person. I was miserable the last 3 days. When we got home, he spent 2 weeks on the couch complaining of stomach pain. He had it in the past too. From there he lost a ton of weight and has complained about chronic stomach pain ever since.
Additionally he has become angry. He is in group anger mgmt at the VA and has had 3 invasive tests to see what the stomach problem is. They are finding nothing.
He has become increasingly hostile, verbally and at this point, emotionally abusive.
I try to have a thick skin, but I am a HSP and his words and actions cut me very deeply. I know he has issues. When I was his age I had similar issues due to my childhood. I'm 44 now and I've done the work to get myself stable. I take medication daily for ADHD, bipolar and anxiety. I understand the struggle with mental health issues.
I so badly want to help him, but he gets defensive if I try to give him "I've been there and these are things that worked for me" advice.
He tells me he's not a child (although he and my 9 yo display alot of the same behaviors!!), calls me names when I say something he doesn't like.
I think the worst thing he does is criticize my parenting skills. He has no children of his own mind you. His biggest problem is with her eating. She's picky and a she's 9. We switched to eating organic when I met him because he educated me about GMO'S and how crappy our food is. He constantly - i mean daily, bitches about her not getting proper nutrition...blah blah blah. It's stupid. My daughter is perfectly healthy.
So here is my latest drama. Last night, my daughter had a volleyball game. Prior to the game, he came home in a foul mood (I think) and upon walking in the door, he immediately said he forgot to get hay for the guinea pigs and he was going to get it now. I said it was no big deal, they have hay pellets and all the other (organic) veggies we feed them.
He immediately became angry and accused me of trying to tell him what to do. I walked out to his car to ask him if everything was ok and he started yelling at me in the garage about trying to stop him. I tried to explain that was not the case, but he drove off pissed.
Half hour goes by and we need to leave for the game. As we walk out, he pulls in. I asked if he was coming and he said yes and got in the car. We picked up my mom and went to the game. My ex-mother in law was there too. He sat in the stands playing on his phone (I was coaching). After the game the girls get a snack bag..this happens every game. My ex mother in law gave my kiddo some cookies in a baggie too. The next thing I know, he is saying can we please not let her eat this crap before a healthy meal. Both grandma's made a comment like ohhh let her eat them...then very loudly he said "she doesnt give a f*ck about her daughters nutrition " in front of my mom, my ex mother in law and a bunch of little kids. I was pissed. I still am. I think it's time for him to move out. The disrespect in front of all of those people really hit me hard. I don't know what to do.
I do love him. He a good person, I know this. We have great chemistry in bed, but he he never wants to have sex anymore.
Idk....any words of wisdom?
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