Digz
MyPTSD Pro
Sometimes I find the amount of triggers I have in day to day life overwhelming and hard to deal with because my mind is so highly dissociative that knowing why I'm triggered can sometimes be impossible.
This week, I can tell by my physical symptoms and emotional state that I have been triggered, but I don't yet know by what or why. I very frequently find I experience emotional flashbacks like this from triggers and they can go on for a long time. Sometimes after some time feeling bad, I will get the other part of the flashback and will understand what has triggered it. But also a lot of the time I just never actually know what triggered my emotional flashback. My mind is very adept at hiding so much from me, even 15 years down the track in this progress, working out how long I've been feeling this bad before I even realised can be difficult.
Take today, for example. I realise now I have been feeling this bad most of the day and I must have been triggered at some point, but when I try to track backwards it's so difficult to pinpoint.
This is why, sometimes for me, even though I know it is good to get exposure to triggers, it is sometimes too much for me and has to be put on the backburner and avoided until I've made my way through other things first. In some ways I have to prioritise the triggers I know of to deal with them, because I have to be able to function in life as well, be an employee and a wife and a mother.
It's so frustrating sometimes. Yet, I'm also grateful that my dissociative brain has protected me and continues to protect me so I don't have to deal with over a decade's worth of torture at once, because I would not be capable of functioning at all if that was the case.
Anybody else get a lot of emotional flashbacks and/or have trouble knowing what has triggered them?
This week, I can tell by my physical symptoms and emotional state that I have been triggered, but I don't yet know by what or why. I very frequently find I experience emotional flashbacks like this from triggers and they can go on for a long time. Sometimes after some time feeling bad, I will get the other part of the flashback and will understand what has triggered it. But also a lot of the time I just never actually know what triggered my emotional flashback. My mind is very adept at hiding so much from me, even 15 years down the track in this progress, working out how long I've been feeling this bad before I even realised can be difficult.
Take today, for example. I realise now I have been feeling this bad most of the day and I must have been triggered at some point, but when I try to track backwards it's so difficult to pinpoint.
This is why, sometimes for me, even though I know it is good to get exposure to triggers, it is sometimes too much for me and has to be put on the backburner and avoided until I've made my way through other things first. In some ways I have to prioritise the triggers I know of to deal with them, because I have to be able to function in life as well, be an employee and a wife and a mother.
It's so frustrating sometimes. Yet, I'm also grateful that my dissociative brain has protected me and continues to protect me so I don't have to deal with over a decade's worth of torture at once, because I would not be capable of functioning at all if that was the case.
Anybody else get a lot of emotional flashbacks and/or have trouble knowing what has triggered them?