Dealing with anger

[Deleted member 37474]

@anthony, I skimmed this extremely long thread, but plan to refer back to the cbt points when needed because they make rational sense, especially because I am not angry right now. Pretty sure I would have to ground and stop potential s.h. If I get into some sort of flashback anger before I could analyze it. Just out of curiosity, are you passionate about this because anger was a major piece of your ptsd or trauma? Is it something that you had to work on? My last T told me that I did "good work" when I became extremely angry at my rapist in my trauma journal. But, to get to that point of writing a sort of sarcastic fight back to what he did, I spent an entire week of extreme anger, some self harm and disassociation. Not healthy. Not sure if your tools would have helped or not?

 

[anthony]

Is it something that you had to work on?

Anger was something I had to work on, yes. Combat veteran. Anger was trained into me, then unleashed as required. PTSD breaks down that control mechanism. It took quite a lot of trial and error to really understand anger and the roots to it. It all starts with our own thinking, and ends with our own conclusion of our own thoughts.

 

[whiteraven]

Anger was something I had to work on, yes. Combat veteran. Anger was trained into me, then unleashed as req...

I'm just now seeing and reading through this thread, and I wanted to comment that it took me a very long time to understand this notion that it is our interpretation and response to others that causes our anger (and other issues, in many cases). We react with a thought (and an interpretation) which creates a feeling, and often we hang onto and build on that feeling until it is even worse than it was at the beginning. I've seen this in myself. It's what makes small annoyances grow into huge rages.

I don't do that so much anymore (*caveat below), because I've learned that I have the ability to control how I react and respond to whatever comes my way. I have reasons, I guess, to be absolutely enraged, given what has happened to me, but I truly don't find it useful anymore. In fact, I feel a much deeper sense of settled peace in terms of my past.

*In times of intense depression, when it seems that no one is on my side, I still occasionally slip. I don't think - in fact, I know - my anger is not useful. But sometimes it feels like it's all I have.

 

[anthony]

But sometimes it feels like it's all I have.

Yup. Still the odd slip here too, but the majority of my days in a year, I keep it in check, balanced and deal with the thoughts myself. Now I'm in a more controlled environment, not at a daily job with others all around me, pressures and such. I would snap then, quite quickly, and someone would likely be in hospital, if not myself too... but that is part and parcel of me controlling my PTSD on a day to day basis. :ninja::coffee::cautious:

 

[whiteraven]

Yup. Still the odd slip here too, but the majority of my days in a year, I keep it in check, balanced and d...

That is my primary issue right now. I'm in a hugely toxic work environment, 9 hours a day, which I hate on top of it for other reasons. I think I would do 500% better if I were in a work/daily situation that I felt I had more control over. I'm working on that. Sure isn't easy, though.

 

[anthony]

Anyone working with PTSD... huge kudos and well done IMHO.

 

[LuckiLee]

Hi there.

I'm glad this thread is still active. My combat veteran has recently (about 6 weeks ago) seen the movie "the secret" Anyone else see it ir read the book? It's very much along the lines of positive thoughts equal positive reactions.

He watched it a couple of times and was very interested in the concept. He has been practicing it since. And it's working! I admit I was a skeptic but his anger and even depression has been minimal. It's crazy!! ;) He has to retrain his brain to think the complete opposite of what he HAD to think all those years in combat. He's trying! (& I'd like to think I'm helping) :)

I'm so proud of him and you guys for all your.... Awesomeness!! ✌

 

[New Blue]

How do we really deal with anger? Traditionally we have dealt with anger in one of two ways, being to turn a...

So true! Two friends of mine - they worked together, doing experiential therapy groups for several years - are always talking about people making choices about how they live their lives. Their groups focused on the participants seeking to remember such a choice made between birth and about 6 years old. Once they remember the choice they made and reflect on how it has impacted their behavior since, they can choose to let go of that original choice and make another, healthier one - or stick with the old one.

Either way, the participant decides - no therapist, no family member, no authority figure (abusive or otherwise), no friend, no romantic partner. No one. Just the participant him- or herself. While my friends' hope, as the facilitators of these groups, was to guide people towards a healthier choice, I don't think discarding the old choice was absolutely mandatory. (I can't say for sure, since I wasn't there for any of the groups.)

We make choices. Perhaps not well-informed choices, but we are the ones to make them, nonetheless. No one decides for us. Thank you, anthony, for reiterating this in your post. It's something that many people in the world could benefit from knowing, IMHO.

 

[New Blue]

Does that sound like stupidity to you? Anger, like all your emotions, are created by you, and you alone, all based on your cognitions (thoughts). Your feelings result from the meaning you assign to an event, not from the event itself.

Somehow things got mixed up. This is the excerpt I intended to quote.

 

[Gamereign555]

Allrighty then! That makes for a terrible human being… I really should stop doing those things…!!