Dealing With Denial

[Coffee Cup Kid]

Hi guys 22yo ctrauma sufferer. I dealt with regular 'small' traumas and a few bigger ones as a kid and teen which I didn't deal with until last year and so they kinda built up and so on. It got to the point where I had a self harm problem and strong suicidal thoughts. Thankfully I no longer self harm or experience suicidal thoughts.

The thing I struggle with is denial. As I sit in a session I can just about afford shaking after recounting something, trying to unfreeze myself, or not being safe enough to leave the building afterwards I ask myself

Is this real?
What is happening to me?
Did it all actually happen?
Was it as bad as I think?
Am I bringing it on myself?
How do I know it really happened?

 

[hodge]

Welcome.

Those are all very normal questions when you're first diagnosed, Coffee Cup Kid.

I was in denial for about four years before I sought treatment and was shocked to find out I had PTSD. Then I had denial about that. How could I have this? How could it have come after so many years? (I am quite a bit older than you.)

These are all things to talk to your therapist about. I hope you like yours and feel comfortable with him or her. I've come a long way, thanks to therapy.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @Coffee Cup Kid (me too, btw, :coffee: :) ). I know it's 'real' but I find it hard to believe it 'matters'. I too experience the fear, shaking & immobility. :(

It's a big step to recognize all those things, (&, I think, very 'normal'). If anything, really wise & great for your young age. :tup: (Though you probably don't feel that 'young'.)

Welcome to you. :coffee: :)

 

[Panda Bear]

Indeed, very typical.

I KNOW my trauma was real and was bad and yet I still question it to this day. In fact yesterday in session I asked T a half dozen times "that was wrong, right?"

We need to hear it and hear it often!

 

[ghotiff]

I know it's 'real' but I find it hard to believe it 'matters'

Yes, this !