DissociattedSoup
New Here
Hi,
I joined this forum a little while ago, before my diagnosis. I have read quite a few posts on here and a lot ring true to what we experience/deal with on a daily basis. I thought I would introduce ourselves first, to let you all know who we are::)
In March this year we had a psychologist confirm that we were a multiple personality (DID). This was caused by CSA at a very early age (2-3 years old) and an abusive upbringing until aged 14 or so. Until 2 years ago PJ thought he was a fairly normal married man of 48 with a child who had a great childhood and life. Living in North Wales and semi-retired. He runs his own business part-time as this allows him to handle the serious medical issues he befell 12 years ago (large brain tumour, HS, diabetes and hormone/pituitary issues.). He then started having some strange thoughts. Thoughts that were not his own, that seemed very alien to his way of being. In November 2016 I became conscious and took over. I am Sarah, a 36 year old female. I think at that point the pain and suffering from his medical problems and his insistence to not let anything effect the day to day life of his family just got too much for him. So I stepped in to give him a rest.
This was a shock for his wife, as suddenly overnight PJs mannerisms, thoughts and speech patterns changed. She thought she was living with another person (and she was really?). I did not really understand what was going on, and found myself in a male body that was obviously wrong. I had (have!) very bad gender dysphoria because of this. But over the next 12 months we realised that we both exist within the same body. We switch between each other on a random basis and sometimes can share thoughts and memories. We started out at war with each other. Each of us thinking we had sole rights to the body. Over time this has mellowed a little and now we are at a sort of friendly with each other. We have found that there are at least 3 or 4 others in here with us as well.
Our first therapy session in February this year dismissed the initial thoughts of any gender variant diagnosis, and hinted strongly that something in our past had caused this. That day, after the session, I had the first horrific vision given to me (flashback I think it is called?). It showed me in detail a childhood sexual assault. It was sickening to my core. For the next 3 days, more visions came pouring in each fitting a piece of the jigsaw, each explaining more of the things that went on.
These visions were discussed at our second session in March, and the diagnosis we mentioned above was made. We are now awaiting to start trauma therapy. As we are in the UK, it is the NHS and we are told that there is a 9 month waiting list! Personally I do not know how we are going to survive 9 moths with little support, but suppose we just have to.
After the March therapy session more visions came, just as horrendous as the first. It hit me very hard and drained me emotionally so much. I was in so much emotional pain that I ended up going away for a couple of weeks. PJ, without switching or being able to "feel" me thought he was cured, free of it all. He is now dealing with the fact that he is not, that this is bigger than he can handle alone and needs me and the others to carry on and get through this. That is a hard thing to come to realise as he is a bit of a control freak.
We suffer from really bad insomnia, migraines and unexplained pain all over the body. We put up a strong front, a facade of everything is alright but it is incredibly hard just to go on living. We do not want to worry anyone, or cause our family any more pain. The only person in our life who knows what is going on is his wife and the strain that is having on her is immeasurable. I do not know what to do or how to help her?:unsure:
I am hoping that others on here have had similar experiences and their wisdom on how to cope can be shared with us.
.... And that was probably way to long an introduction and far too intense, but there is so much I have left out!
Hugs.
Sarah.
I joined this forum a little while ago, before my diagnosis. I have read quite a few posts on here and a lot ring true to what we experience/deal with on a daily basis. I thought I would introduce ourselves first, to let you all know who we are::)
In March this year we had a psychologist confirm that we were a multiple personality (DID). This was caused by CSA at a very early age (2-3 years old) and an abusive upbringing until aged 14 or so. Until 2 years ago PJ thought he was a fairly normal married man of 48 with a child who had a great childhood and life. Living in North Wales and semi-retired. He runs his own business part-time as this allows him to handle the serious medical issues he befell 12 years ago (large brain tumour, HS, diabetes and hormone/pituitary issues.). He then started having some strange thoughts. Thoughts that were not his own, that seemed very alien to his way of being. In November 2016 I became conscious and took over. I am Sarah, a 36 year old female. I think at that point the pain and suffering from his medical problems and his insistence to not let anything effect the day to day life of his family just got too much for him. So I stepped in to give him a rest.
This was a shock for his wife, as suddenly overnight PJs mannerisms, thoughts and speech patterns changed. She thought she was living with another person (and she was really?). I did not really understand what was going on, and found myself in a male body that was obviously wrong. I had (have!) very bad gender dysphoria because of this. But over the next 12 months we realised that we both exist within the same body. We switch between each other on a random basis and sometimes can share thoughts and memories. We started out at war with each other. Each of us thinking we had sole rights to the body. Over time this has mellowed a little and now we are at a sort of friendly with each other. We have found that there are at least 3 or 4 others in here with us as well.
Our first therapy session in February this year dismissed the initial thoughts of any gender variant diagnosis, and hinted strongly that something in our past had caused this. That day, after the session, I had the first horrific vision given to me (flashback I think it is called?). It showed me in detail a childhood sexual assault. It was sickening to my core. For the next 3 days, more visions came pouring in each fitting a piece of the jigsaw, each explaining more of the things that went on.
These visions were discussed at our second session in March, and the diagnosis we mentioned above was made. We are now awaiting to start trauma therapy. As we are in the UK, it is the NHS and we are told that there is a 9 month waiting list! Personally I do not know how we are going to survive 9 moths with little support, but suppose we just have to.
After the March therapy session more visions came, just as horrendous as the first. It hit me very hard and drained me emotionally so much. I was in so much emotional pain that I ended up going away for a couple of weeks. PJ, without switching or being able to "feel" me thought he was cured, free of it all. He is now dealing with the fact that he is not, that this is bigger than he can handle alone and needs me and the others to carry on and get through this. That is a hard thing to come to realise as he is a bit of a control freak.
We suffer from really bad insomnia, migraines and unexplained pain all over the body. We put up a strong front, a facade of everything is alright but it is incredibly hard just to go on living. We do not want to worry anyone, or cause our family any more pain. The only person in our life who knows what is going on is his wife and the strain that is having on her is immeasurable. I do not know what to do or how to help her?:unsure:
I am hoping that others on here have had similar experiences and their wisdom on how to cope can be shared with us.
.... And that was probably way to long an introduction and far too intense, but there is so much I have left out!
Hugs.
Sarah.
