Dealing With Feeling Like I'm Being Targeted....

[Tribulations]

I got your message Saffy, my partner and I are going to look through the links together. It's not just letting them run around, you can also hear screaming and really loud bangs when she does discipline the child. One day the little girl was calling out to our apartment from their porch, and the mother caught wind. She got mad, got the little girl, slammed the sliding glass door and then the screams started. So she is beating those kids when she is not making them do her household work or when she's not watching them as they run around in the parking area/street.

Which isn't good for me either, the bangs and the screams are just not good. I will call when we move, I don't want to put myself in a more hostile situation that can provoke me to snap. I have gotten a better handle on that but it doesn't mean I still can't break. I know that would put myself in danger as well as others and I can't risk that. It really sucks to feel my hands are tied when there are children getting hurt, it's not a good feeling.

I just hope that when the ball gets rolling more that it takes off. So this can be as swift as possible.

 

[saffy]

HI Trib

You can do it anonymously as suggested by therapybankrupt. It could be anyone in the building that way. I cannot believe that there is nobody else in there who feels the same way as you. She has other neighbours.



I hope the PM gives you the advice you needed to go forward.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[safenow]

Trib, you can do that annonymously. They don't need to know it came from you. If you feel they are being abused on top of the neglect, please don't wait.

 

[Tribulations]

As stated in a previous post, DCF has been brought up in previous conversations with these people. So my fear is that if they even think we had something to do with it, then we will get the wrath regardless if it's reported anonymously or not. I feel terrible but I also have to keep my safety and the safety of others in mind too. It feels like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Hence feeling weak and my hands are tied.

Some good news, we talked to a credit consultant and know what needs to taken care of now. 4 things, all will probably be wiped off, 2 of them for sure will because they've been paid. If we can manage to sort that out prior to the month ending, on March 1st it should show (thought it took 30 days but apparently not). Which would definitely provide more options to get out of here and get those kids help.

My girlfriend would be the one to call, and the screams don't happen when she isn't here. She gets out late on her new schedule. Maybe a few times but she said if they leave the kid or kids locked out of the apartment again for hours with no adult she'll have no choice but to call. The sad thing is the father didn't even know that happened.

I hopw you all don't think less of me for waiting on this. I really do want to help those children I really do, but I have to ensure the safety of everyone also. I know it probably doesn't make sense. I guess the best way I can put it is this. They're already looking for any reason to start a fight, get us in trouble, or evicted. The land lady said if I get into another conflict like that regardless if I started it or not we were out. They have already started to provoke us, and have already tried being hostile. It is very frustrating when you feel trapped and you can't fight back without consequence.

The situation is very complicated, I wish it weren't, cest la vie.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Always call CPS. The worst that can happen is it turns out to be nothing. They'd rather you call than not, trust me. I will say however people sometimes look in my window wondering if the banging is me, when it's actually my kid retaliating to being in time out lol. But if you hear the mom doing it and the shouting, then it's time to make that call. Emotional abuse is now considered abuse from what I understand, and shouting or violent behavior like hitting walls and slamming things does fall into that category.

Also about your rental history. Call a locator service. If you send me a PM about your city, I can find you one if you aren't sure where to look. But google definitely will be able to help you. If not, go into any other apartment office and ask if they have a locator they work with. Most will have business cards or flyers for prospective clients. Locators usually work for free(they get a commission from the apartment building/landlord) and will look for you according to your individual situation. They're used to working with people who have bad credit or evictions on their record, so they know where to look. Some even deal in house rentals. They're a great resource, I've used them myself and worked closely with them in my job. All you have to do is look at the places they find and decide which one you want. They also tend to have good deals on move ins as an incentive from different apartments. Hope this helps!

 

[Tribulations]

Also an added note, they try to do all this crap when my girlfriend is at work. It will start as soon as she leaves, stops when she comes home for lunch, starts when she leaves, and so on. Yet they still give her dirty looks, when she sees them. I'm sick, frustrated, feel useless and like a coward. Sorry for the whining, I wish I could be more proactive about this whole thing.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Personally I think you're being perfectly proactive. This would frustrate the hell out of someone who didn't have PTSD to deal with. You're doing what you can in a near hopeless situation. Don't be so hard on yourself, you're allowed to be frustrated. This is your home, your sanctuary! You're allowed to be upset.

 

[Tribulations]

Thank you Loveneverfails, I will google it.

 

[Tribulations]

Thank you again, I just I dont know.... It just wrenches my stomach knowing what those kids are going through, as I've experienced it myself. I remember when the school called protective services on my mother and when I got taken away. The home they put me in was worse than my mother, got more trauma there too. The home was so bad the home got shut down and the parents arrested. The children including myself went back to parents or to different homes or shelters. So my faith in protective services isn't that great, but I can only hope they have gotten better over the years with the families they pick. I hope that when we call these kids get taken to a good home and are able to stay together.

We are going to make the call no doubt, thank you for understanding how difficult this situation is. It's a lot of work trying to work on myself, while going through this, and trying to keep my ducks in a row so nothing gets lost.

 

[saffy]

Hi Trib

I hope you are ok today.

I think that as long as you do call CPS then something will be done and you have done something, even if you call after you have vacated from the property. So don't worry to much that you are not doing anything. Do the neighbours realise you are there?

If they only do it away from your partners ears and eyes then her confronting them obviously shook a nerve in them. They certainly are the type to throw dirty looks and this is a reflection of the type of people they are. They should really learn to grow up.

I am glad to hear that progress is being made and hopefully you will both be out of there and somewhere nice.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Tribulations]

Hi Saffy, today isn't going well at all unfortunately. Our electric got shut off, bills are piling up, the only car we have (mine) needs to be re registered in the state we are now and my insurance needs to be transferred. My partner losing her job after Christmas really screwed us. It is all explained in another thread I created in regards to ssi.

I have been having to give myself words of reassurance a lot today. Reassurance that I have hope, and belong on this earth. That even though I make things hard that it will be worth it, because anything worth having isn't easy. I had suicidal ideation earlier, but I keep a lot inside, even on here. I'm learning and pushing myself to communicate here as it seems to be the lesser evil in comparison to going out.

This situation, the new situation and past situations are piling up on me. I have to keep fighting the thoughts of "I'm a burden and if I didn't exist, everyone would be happier. ", yeah it's been a rough one. There are so many thingd to tackle and we were on the ball but the unemployment situation with my girlfriend and her previous job really screwed that up.

I have to keep telling myself there is still hope. *sigh* There is so much more to write about but I will log that in my journal on my phone. Thank you again for caring it means a lot.

 

[saffy]

Hi Trib

Sorry to hear you feel so low today.

I know it is hard to believe at the moment but things will get better for you. It all seems to be snowballing at the moment with one thing coming up after another, eh.

I found it helped me a lot off loading and/or just taking part in conversations and threads on here. If I did not feel like disclosing things about myself I felt that was fine too. :)

I try also to spend some of my time on self improvement. I have low self esteem and confidence and can also feel I am just not worth anything.

I used to really believe that, but am slowly recognising that these thoughts are not being fair on me. That I should give myself a break at being so mean to myself and started telling myself that I must be worth something to myself as well as others. And that those thoughts are worse when I am at my lowest.

I guess I had to really look at myself rationally and write down all my good qualities. Ones that I beleived deep down was true no matter what other people have said in the past, or tried to make me think about myself or the thoughts that come when I am feeling my lowest.

I feel that they are positive affirmations that I could tell myself daily. And that if you tell yourself something often enough then you start to believe it. (see that goes for positive things as well as negative ;) )

I wrote down who I was and made them all positive. Every time I felt really down I would try to tell the negative thoughts to go away and replace them with my list of positive ones.

Your qualities as a person are evident to me. You are obviously kind, considerate and caring for a start. I bet there is a whole lot more to you too.

Sometimes getting your partner to write down your good qualities helps too. It is nice to hear nice things about yourself.

BUT, it is so important that you learn to accept the compliments, even those you tell yourself :)

If any negative thoughts come in that tells you different you tell those thoughts they are wrong and that your compliments are correct and valid, because you are all those things.

I am sorry to hear about your partners employment, things are certainly sent to challenge us, eh.

Also, I found that writing my good qualities on pieces of paper and putting them in different places around the house cheered me up and reminded me of the good things about me. Like little post it notes on the mirror, or in a cupboard you go into, or on the toilet wall. Things like that.

Well for one thing, I definitely do not think you are a burden and like the fact that you exist. :)

best wishes
Saffy :)