Dealing With Panic Attacks As A Cook

[Rosalia]

I work as a cook at a university, and it's an incredibly stressful job to begin with. It's hard enough for my coworkers to get through the day as sane, healthy people, but I'm a scatterbrained klutz with a low tolerance for stressful situations. My chef told me once that every time he sees the first aid kit he thinks of me, because I'm always there, dressing a burn or a cut or a smashed hand. It doesn't help that my sous chef is disorganized and easily stressed in her own way, which causes me to become even more stressed.

Today was a bad day. I came in and one of the other cooks had used up most of the only thing I had had a chance to prepped for the day, and when I pointed it out to him, he practically shoved the leftovers into my chest and yelled at me to take it back. From then on my brain just shut down and I just couldn't hold it together. Eventually my chef sent me home because I was unable to function. I'm tired of running into the walk-in to hide my panic attacks. The kitchen is kind of a misogynistic, cutthroat place, and there's no room for abuse victims working through trauma.

I can't afford to lose this job, and my therapist says that I care too much. Maybe he's right? I dunno. I'm just so tired of feeling so weak.

 

[healthbuilder]

Hello Rosalia,
First take care of your health. Leave the job and take rest for few days. As you are suffering from stress, better to adopt an habit of doing exercises regularly, it protects you from symptoms makes you to lead a healthy life.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You're not weak. Working in a kitchen is stressful. I have a friend who was at the top of her culinary class but couldn't make this her career because it took a toll on her health.

 

[madmax]

I was a maitre de, sous chef and after college was recruited by the Marriott corp to help open the Atlanta Marriott Marquis.
I had no Ptsd etc..just crazy enough to excel...however it would have NEVER ever worked with PTSD type symptoms.

Change is not toxic failing to recognize toxic "is".

Madmax

 

[Hashi]

A lot of sympathy for you. I was doing a job where I was constantly under attack, and the toll on me given I have PTSD was unbelievable. I left it, and am facing financial difficulties now. I know there's no easy solution, only the least bad one. I think it's a case of working out the least bad option for you.

It seems to me your possible options, if they apply to you, are:
- Stay and have increasing trouble
- Stay and ramp up your coping skills so you can manage enough
- Stay but look very hard for a different job (something that you could do but not the same level of pressure)
- Sick leave
- Leave the job

I have no idea what of the above is feasible in your situation, but if your options are really limited, I'd suggest maybe focussing on number 2 for now - work on coping skills all you can (grounding, distress tolerance, regulating emotions, mindfulness to help concentration etc). It's probably damage limitation more than anything else, but limiting the damage could maybe help a little.

Caring less can really help. I cared too much in my stressful job, and now I wish I hadn't so much. It went against my work ethic and personal sense of self esteem not to care, but with hindsight I had more pressing priorities than those, like surviving it and keeping my job.

I'm sorry you have to deal with PTSD in this situation, and that you have to deal with this situation when you have PTSD.

 

[Mika<3]

Hi Rosalia, I'm a cook as well. I worked as commis chef so I know exactly what you are talking about. But unlike you I coudlnt cope and I ended up leaving my job and now I am unemployed. The kitchen is a harsh place to be, its one of the hardest trades there is stress wise, and as a fast paced male dominated world, they leave little room for sympathy. I think your therapist is right, in that you care too much, but if thats just the kind of person you are, its not exactly going to change over night. But your therapist has also obviously never worked in a busy kitchen!

Perhaps you could start looking for a job in a slower paced environment, jobs like a cafe chef, or a cook in a care home or nursery/kindergarten are much more relaxed and easier, the teams are smaller and there is more time for being flexible with each other. The last thing you need is to be dealing with a work environment like that, there are other jobs in this trade that are a lot easier to handle - and the team you are working with makes a world of a difference.

 

[Rosalia]

Thanks, Mika<3! And I agree. It's hard enough when the people around me don't understand what's wrong with me, but in a kitchen, there's straight-up animosity. And I can't completely blame them. Who wants to work with someone who can't handle their job? Perhaps I would be better suited in a smaller cafeteria with a less stressful environment.

A commis chef, however, is a MUCH more difficult position than just a regular cook. I can only imagine trying to hold myself together through that. I really hope that you find a job that isn't that stressful!