Dealing With People Who Don't Have Ptsd

[Cat Herder]

There are some people who like to poke and prod, to make you relapse. They may or may not know you have it, they just do it to get some kind of twisted satisfaction.

This is the worst part of it. I don't want to be around people anymore. I don't even want to be online because people do it online too.

I could get better but people don't allow me.

How can I get past this? What can I do?

This has been going on all my life, people treating me inhumanely. At every transition in my life, I thought things would get better with the next, but it hasn't. I am 30 years old now, and I feel now things will never change. I want to die.

 

[safenow]

Hi Cat Herder,
Welcome to the PTSD forum. You will not find that happening here. Here, we all understand because we have gone through the same things. Just last year, while I was in the hospital, the staff deliberately triggered me many times, just to see what I'd do. I reported them when I was released.

How can I get past this? What can I do?

You have already taken a step to get past it. You came here and posted. You are among people who care, and will listen when you speak (write). I hope you will look around and see what has been said by others. I do hope you have a therapist, if not I recommend it. If you do, and feel it isn't helping, that means you have the wrong therapist.

Take some good cleansing breathes, and relax. Make yourself at home. There is good information to found here, and some wonderful, supportive people.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I understand. I used to pick people who would trigger me, now I try to avoid them. It can seem overwhelming when it seems that everyone is mean or wants to torment you. There are good people in the world. Lots of them. There are good people on this forum.

Are you seeing a therapist? I have found mine to be very beneficial in helping me sort out my feelings about others.

 

[Hashi]

This is the worst part of it. I don't want to be around people anymore.

I think it's healthy that you don't want to be around people like this any more. Not everyone is like this. These are people to stay away from.

Like monster says, there are lots of good people. It's very difficult to change the situation we've always been in, though. I can only agree with the others, that therapy is good way to work through this. It is possible. Your world might be like this at the moment, and that's horrible, but it's not the whole world.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with Hashi. There are more good people in the world than the bad. The trick is crossing paths with them and connecting. Our childhood survival is now working against us and it makes the continuing victimization of us ongoing.

We have to learn how not to survive by the old ways that have not served us and this is a process and we need help in changing these patterns.

You are not alone and please do not give up. Hugs.

 

[Spiderallis]

I'm sorry that you've dealt with so many people being cruel and yucky. There's some really nice, kind people in the world too, sometimes they're harder to spot, but I promise they're around. There's a lot of those kind and caring folks around here, and I've never heard a harsh word on the forums... the moderation crew does an awesome job of making sure everyone is respected and respectful.

It's okay to take some time to yourself. It helped me. I took a break between leaving an unhealthy scene and finding a new social circle. I do hope you don't shy away from the forums Cat Herder, I'd be glad to see you posting around here. You picked out an awesome user name- I love it!

 

[Cat Herder]

I was away for a while. I've gotten crap on forums and in real life.

As for forums, online anthropology ones. Stay away from them. Someone recently made a YouTube video revealing my personal information. And everyone seems to hate me there even though I don't know what I did to make so many people dislike me. Same as real life. This has been my story all my life I seem to make enemies and I don't know how. It's so frustrating.

 

[squireparty]

There have been some really powerful words posted here, at least for me. I like what gizmo said about our childhood survival working against us - that which got me through those awful years - especially for me learning to be ok with and prefering to be completely alone - very much seems to work against me in the adult world. I am among other things very much an introvert and keep to myself mostly and in the world of work this has really caused me issues with others disliking me for what I consider an odd reason, just me just being me. I have learned in the past to mingle as much as I dislike it and to go to a work party or two, as much as I dislike it, just to take some of the mystery away from me and to say yes, I did show up to whatever event.

But then the PTSD clobbered me and right now I am glad to be single and starting working for myself. But I do understand what has been posted, and how horrible it can be to deal with people. I also believe there are good people in the world too, and I have not been here long but there do seem to be kind and understanding people here, too.

Cat Herder, I wish you well on your journey.

 

[just me here]

My contact with the non PTSD sufferers is mostly in traffic. I work with a small group that I see everyday, and maybe another two or three dozen I work with maybe weekly or monthly, really pretty limited. In traffic I have to deal with society in general and it doesn't go well. Once home I tend to stay here, out on the farm beyond the reach of people I don't want to see.

Too bad for me my triggers are mainly traffic related. I served as an EMT on the local fire department, almost every corner, intersection, dip in the road etc. has a bad memory, I can't drive at all without the extreme anxiety caused by all those events.

I think bad drivers are just drivers that haven't been in an accident yet, drunk drivers are worse. Drunk drivers are capable of deciding to endanger the lives of everyone they share the road with, including me. And I get very angry about that. Enough to get triggered by just a dumb move by another driver.

My interaction with non PTSD sufferers is basically my interaction with a limited number of coworkers and all of the drivers I share the road with, and it is basically very very bad. My T and this forum are my only real contacts with others that understand PTSD at all.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I find it very hard when I am having a rough time and I mention it and the other person glosses over it. I accept that this person is not safe to talk about what is bothering me. I find myself impatient with the person and glad to get away. It leaves me feeling sad. I had hoped for more but the person does not understand and I have to accept that.

That is why I am so grateful for the kind and gracious people on the forum. There is none of that here. It is safe here to be me.

 

[Gia]

Hi Cat Herder,

A couple of observations-

I think I understand your experiences. From my observations, other people do not know you have ptsd unless you share it or share your past. Their rudeness or inconsideration is just the result of being clueless.

I have had negative experiences all of my life- bullying in school, obnoxious coworkers etc. Some years were worse than others and there was a period of about ten years where it seemed like I had finally broken free. In retrospect, the obnoxious people were still there, it is just that (1) I had more balance and fun in my life so they were more of an annoyance than anything and (2) I had the ability to change jobs and change the environment. Of course, eventually there were new obnoxious people, but I just moved on to the next job or career so I managed to advance along with escaping from them.

Over the past ten years, things have been pretty rough for several reasons. Mainly, my old coping mechanisms dried up. I am in an awful job that pays well and I am too old to change careers or get a new job. Therefore, I am stuck with a whole gaggle of obnoxious people that I cannot escape from. Secondly, I have gotten way off balance and my life was consumed by worry and fretting and being angry at all of the trauma. Therefore, it made the routinely obnoxious and rude people seem all the more tormenting.

I did have two experiences which is very frustrating and nasty. I had had a two friends (or so I thought) and I would often call one of them up and go to dinner of for drinks as a way to vent and blow off steam. I know I would get pretty intense because basically I was really unhappy and upset. For awhile it was ok, but then out of the blue I got slammed and pummeled and was treated horribly adding insult to injury. I agree, there seemed to be some kind of sadistic pleasure in being hateful for some people.

So anyway, here are my lessons that I learned:

1. There are always going to be rude and mean people. You need to have a balanced life as much as possible so that their nastiness does not get to you as much and they do not seem as powerful. You also need an escape route if possible so you can get out of the situation.

2. Like someone said, there are also some really good friends and I have been blessed in many ways.

3. Sometimes our emotions are really intense and hard for others to take. The natural urge is to try to make it better for us and we all know that it is not always possible. Even though we may not be at all ranting at them, it is very uncomfortable and they move away just because we tend to burn white hot. It does not mean they are bad or we are bad, it is just that people have different levels of tolerance for tension. With one of the persons above, we initially knew each other when life was fun and I was enjoyable to be around. When things took a nosedive, the new me, the grouchy, angry, depressed me was not a whole lot of fun. Now granted, friends should stick by you, but I think that it was just too much.

I wish you the best. As I said, there was a wonderful time in my life that I dearly miss and mourn. I hope at your relatively young age, you can capture the good things life has and emerge from this a happy person.