Sufferer Dealing with retraumatization

[Briar Rose]

Hi!

I was a silent reader over the last month, and now decided to join the forum. First of all i have to say, englisch is not my mother language, and i’m a bit nervous about writing here to be honest.

I got diagnosed with Ptsd around 17, and went to therapie many years, wich was very helpfull for me, until i got retaumatized last November.
My trauma starts in my early childhood, was ongoing till i was about 20 and is about medical issues, procedures, and my parents. I don’t want to go into detail right now, because it’s hard for me to talk about it at the moment, and i get triggered far to easy! Also it’s really difficult to explain because i lived through so many traumatic times and situations, i don’t now wich to point out.

Since my retraumatization, my life felt like a walk through hell, and things a worse than ever. I had my 30th birthday a few weeks ago, and can’t belive i am back to step one…
I started Therapie again, right after the latest event, but it is all too much right now!

I am really glad i found this forum, because i think no one can understand like other sufferes.

 

[littleoc]

Welcome to the forums!

And don't worry -- though I can tell English isn't your first language, I can also tell that you're good at English. I can understand you. :) Practice makes perfect!

I've tried to learn other languages. I have some success in Spanish, but not others. Besides some phrases. I'm impressed but anyone who can speak more than one language!

Anyway -- welcome. You will find support here. :)

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I can go along just fine and than WHAM a major trigger sends me back to therapy and I feel as if I'm starting all over again.

Welcome to the forum!

 

[ladee]

Hope you find us not caring about the English, but very caring about the content. Welcome. Very happy you decided to join.

It takes courage to let others know we are here and needing help. So, one big 'proud of you' to start your healing journey with others who understand. If we use phrases you aren't familiar with, just let us know. We will help in all ways. Glad you are here !!

 

[jade53]

I'm not an expert, but I decided that escaping and going through what I had to for teaching business English in Asia would probably be better than any kind of BS therapy was doing to at least help get confidence back.
All that BS just to say you write English OK.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

 

[Briar Rose]

Thanks for all your welcoming words!

@littleoc: I speak Spanish as well.
We have to learn two foreign languages in German schools. But if you don’t use it right away, it gets lost really fast. The hard part for me is to speak and write myself. Understanding others or reading isn’t a problem at all. Don’t know why that is. :D

Sorry to hear you are in a similar situation, congruency. I said to my boyfriend the other day it is like someone turned back the clock!
I had to go through a situation similar to a huge part of my trauma, and even if nothing ‘bad’ happened it was a constant trigger for weeks.

@ladee: You made a good point, realizing that I am not “fine” is though.
Even more because part of my parent’s poor treatment was that I wasn’t allowed to show pain, fear or any kind of emotions except being ‘the strong girl’. I am working on that.

 

[Swift]

Welcome!
Funny thing is, I guessed you were German from your post!
Your English is great! I can't see anyone giving you a hard time even if it wasn't.
Welcome aboard.

 

[jade53]

@Briar Rose
Revisiting and I don't want anyone thinking that I got this out of the movie "A Beautiful Mind", I just want to share that way back when anyone diagnosed me in a somewhat buried report that surfaced and my family doctor who was wanting me to concede everything I'd been telling about my career with a government were symptoms of bipolar disorder, because he'd never heard of PTSD, the only thing I could find about was a web site in the UK run by somebody I think was Tim Little.

I think it helped me when looking at it as just another person that had to cope with abnormal situations as normally as I could, did and can,or something like that. It helps having a forum like this to remind us that we're all normal people that have dealt with incomprehensible situations.
and still do.

 

[Briar Rose]

@jade53: I think you are right. As bad as it sounds, it helps to see that other people experience the same. I like to think about it as an ‘mental injury’ and that all the things are normal, our brains are just trying to deal with all these stuff.

 

[jade53]

@jade53: I think you are right. As bad as it sounds, it helps to see that other p...

Strength in numbers

 

[Swift]

Someone on here (I can't remember who) uses the phrase "moral injury" about trauma. I think that's awesome.
And yeah, PTSD is definitely a mental injury.
It's a deep, deep wound.
I have C-PTSD which is a tiny bit different, but:
Sometimes I think of the traumas like cuts. Some of them are very deep and have severed tendons and muscles.
The PTSD is like complications from an infection - like nerve loss or organ failure from sepsis, or something similar.