Dealing With Self-diagnosers?

[NicG]

You guys know the type, right... "my boyfriend broke up with me and I was really sad so now I have PTSD" or "somebody said something mean to me this one time and now I have PTSD" or "oh my gosh you have PTSD? Me TOO! Like this one time, I was really embarrassed because..."

Admittedly, my journey through therapy started when I was confused about what was happening to me, and after some internet research PTSD seemed like a possible fit. But I only started using the term to describe myself AFTER three separate professionals pointed me towards it without me even suggesting anything.

I know the logical solution to dealing with people like this is to just ignore it, stop talking to them... but it's just so invalidating when someone cheapens your mental health issues that make everyday tasks such as getting out of bed, doing homework, doing the dishes a colossal effort. So much of me wants to snap back "oh, so what was your life threatening trauma that caused your brain to repress memories and overreact to anything and everything that could possibly be perceived as a threat?"
...But that probably wouldn't be a good idea.

So I guess this is half question, half rant... it's so hard to just ignore. Especially when someone doing it is supposed to be one of your close supporting friends. What do you guys do?

 

[Chava]

I might say something like, "Really, are you seeing someone for it? PTSD is a pretty serious diagnosis." But really, I'd avoid telling people what I'm going through unless I felt they could sympathize without trying too hard to understand or relate (some people really think they have PTSD from a regular stressful break-up, and maybe they also think they need to empathize or "relate" with you when that's probably not exactly what you need. ?). I'm not really one to talk, because I am so avoidant and my friends only know little pieces of what I am going through. But I can't afford to scare anyone off or feel invalidated. So I only talk about this stuff here, with my therapist, and in some part at my 12-step meeting. Not that our friends shouldn't be included in our struggles, but I'd suggest not telling any regular person what you are going through and don't go further into it with friends who minimalize it or have a trivial understanding of trauma.

 

[greenleaf]

I have tried a more gradual approach based on sharing "small" examples of traumatic things that had happened, rather than mentioning diagnoses. If the person seems able to have empathy and be helpful, that can feel good. Most people have had something traumatic happen to them but may not have PTSD.

If the person is pretty empathetic I figure maybe I can try sharing a little more at some point, but I don't like the feeling of people viewing me as "different". If they don't react well to small examples, I can still often have a friendship with them based on other things that we might have in common, as I won't have (let?) them invalidate anything that feels too awful for me. I hope. I appreciate lots of other things in some other people esp. when trauma issues aren't flaring up for me, and value good friendships highly in general; sometimes ability for certain people to also understand trauma would just be so helpful to me though... I don't know, maybe they feel similarly about some other issues? Hard to know.

I also sometimes try to "educate" people about trauma without disclosing anything personal, and see how their reaction feels. It feels a little weird but I use (impersonal?) scientific study results so it doesn't feel completely dishonest to me. Just a little sneaky but no one is harmed.:ninja::ninja::ninja:

 

[Recovery4Me]

don't go further into it with friends who minimalize it or have a trivial understanding of trauma.

:clown: Honestly, I have over a half of century living with PTSD & still I have a trivial understanding at times of where it stops and I begin. So although, I may roll my eyes (incognito:ninja:) at other homesteaders, their self assessment does not change mine. Crap, wish it did: I give them mine! lol

Like, OMG I broke a nail I must have PTSD!:wacky: Yup, that's it alright...:wtf:

 

[Tinyflame]

I have to confess I feel a bit judgemental- well actually I end up feeling sad & isolated/ more alone, when I hear people speak of, for example, how traumatic being up with a new baby is, etc. I realize lack of sleep is awful, & gosh-knows whatever else is going on, or their histories, but I think "don't you realize, those are the good times!" I do (likely unrightfully so) not relate & find myself thinking "this advice sounds great until the real cr*p hits the fan"! But then again, I hope they are spared those experiences or understanding. Otherwise though, I consider it a (poorly used) figure of speech. There re many.

 

[darrenS]

i would be careful of sharing , PTSD has a nasty habit of wanting to draw people closer, only to attack them later because theyve become a threat by what they know about you

 

[Justmehere]

I used to joke about being OCDish. Then I met someone with OCD. I actually do have times where I qualify for an OCD diagnosis, but after knowing my friends hell with OCD better, I don't joke about other times, like my perfectionistic moments being OCDish.

So I can see how people can slip into doing it. I have seen people do the same with physical illness. One of my friends is blind and one day, a couple of mutual friends were joking about having crappy eyesight. Someone said, "I'm so blind, I can't read anything without my glasses." I had been watching our friend who was blind who has so patiently enduring the complaining about glasses, until that comment was made. Then he said, "hey... ". Because his blindness is so visible, everyone paused and apologized. He validated having glasses is a pain but no, it's not like being blind.

PTSD is harder because it's mostly invisible.

I get frustrated that people will say they have been traumatized or have PTSD and yet turn around and make really messed up assumptions about people with severe PTSD - like that we are violent or whatever. If people with PTSD are so awful, then geez, why would others want to say they have it too. (Which I know being violent isn't a symptom but just stigma that comes with PTSD.)

Mental health problems are sometimes so stigmatized and yet also so lightly applied. I think both are done to avoid reality. Annoys me to no end.

 

[GWhizz]

I have yet to meet anyone (other than a few patients I've nursed) with ptsd. I don't know just how common it is as a diagnosis (I probably should read up lol).

But anyway, my point is that none of us should in any way undermine another's individual definition of trauma.

For example, I was told that I would most likely experience flashbacks etc after the apparent 'traumatic' events of my son's birth. But to me, in the grand scheme of things, I didn't find it traumatic at all. In fact, I was just so happy that the outcome was positive.

While my ptsd was possibly triggered by parenting which brought back my own childhood experiences, and while I would consider my own trauma history to be somewhat complex and have been told it is considered pretty severe, I can not say that someone else who finds a ''lesser'' negative experience to be traumatic, unworthy of being considered traumatic to them. By the way, I'm not referring to people who consider a broken nail traumatic lol. I just think we need to be mindful that some people will/can potentially be traumatized by someone saying something nasty to them etc. We all have different sensitivity levels. I don't want to sound all politically correct or anything and I know no one here is looking to debate this so sorry if I come across in any way argumentative.

 

[darrenS]

I fully understand, however could it be that the persons is already traumatized and therefore is sensitive to what people say , rather than the other way around. I also understand how some actually want to label themselves with something and then start using that label as a self identifier. I have had ptsd for years and can see how my actions were influenced by it, i went to Nigeria , alone , to work , never seen another westerner the whole time i was there and because of my ptsd i put myself in danger, only to become more traumatized. I do know the difference between what can become a traumatic memory and just simply a difficult one. But is easy to go overboard and blame all on your label, and i fully understand where you are coming from

 

[Hashi]

Very much agree with what @Justmehere says. Even down to having been diagnosed with OCD myself, then hearing other people describe all sorts of things as OCD, that aren't.

Things like this are always going to happen. Like people being sick for a few days with a cold and calling it flu. Or having a hard time and saying it was "literally" torture.

Especially when someone doing it is supposed to be one of your close supporting friends.

This is what I'm wondering about. I'm wondering who is identifying this person as a supporting friend - both you and them? Supporting as in knowing you have PTSD? Could you say more?

 

[shimmerz]

I don't know, but I have kinda a 'spidey sense'. I seem to be able to tell when one has a traumatic past. It is almost like they speak the same language as me. Little nuances in what they say or how they say it. I have been dead on most times. I never ask, I just know. I can feel it in their words. So to answer the OP's question, if I don't feel it, I don't address it with the person. I have a difficult time at this point relating to many who haven't suffered a significant trauma. Because I know they know there is something different about me. Something haunted. Something serious.

 

[ghotiff]

The thing that gets me is when people say "he raped me" to describe some trivial boundary crossing. For example, once it was because a colleague took a company pen from her desk without asking.

I said nothing, and it was maybe 2 years ago, and I still remember it as she was a "friend" and she knew about my Csa.