Dealing With Self-diagnosers?

[NicG]

I just want to say, thankyou SO much everyone for your responses. I've been diagnosed for about a year and so I'm still a bit of a "rookie" (not that I'm saying it gets any easier, just that I lack experience) and it's great to have so many wise people to help me :) :)

Mental health problems are sometimes so stigmatized and yet also so lightly applied. I think both are done to avoid reality.

That is so true. A lot of people who I considered amazing friends, I know I shouldn't share anything with, because I can see how much they don't want to face mental health issues. It's really frustrating, but at the same time I can't blame them for it, if their lives haven't been touched by mental illness then good for them, I hope they never experience it. Or maybe it's their way of coping with something they've already seen, but don't understand.

But anyway, my point is that none of us should in any way undermine another's individual definition of trauma.

Good point. Difficult to remember when one is stuck in ones own head, but important nonetheless. Reminds me of that false idea that because other people have things worse, I shouldn't complain... if that were the case, only one person on Earth would be allowed to be sad at a time - whoever had it THE worst.

I'm wondering who is identifying this person as a supporting friend - both you and them? Supporting as in knowing you have PTSD?

Sorry I was pretty vague wasn't I. I'm talking about someone who knows I have PTSD and is happy to have me lean on them for support. There's two of them, one who was there for me when I got out of my traumatic situation, and another who I had grown close to and we had a very trusting, safe relationship. Past-tense, because she really changed and hurt me so I don't talk to her much now, but you get the point.

The thing that gets me is when people say "he raped me" to describe some trivial boundary crossing.

THIS. People do it so casually as well without even realising. I kind of think "if only you knew what rape really is"... but it's not like I want them to experience it. Really bothers me, too.

 

[joeylittle]

Yes, those casual phrases -

• I'm so depressed (about missing out on something like the last soda)
• It was torture (about waiting on line)
• He's really manic (about someone energetic)
• That's abusive (about nothing at all)

When I'm feeling agitated or prickly, these things fly right up my ass sideways.

 

[Notsowild]

My "close supporting friend" said didn't you have enough holidays?
when I was on stress leave from work. Yes my holiday in hell thank you.

 

[greenleaf]

It's totally valid for people without PTSD to use the word "trauma" for all sorts of common, awful experiences. There are several definitions of the word too. Don't forget that most trauma doesn't actually lead to PTSD; I'd be careful to separate someone's use of "trauma" from their use of "PTSD".

There are studies showing some factors that reduce the chance of people exposed to a particular trauma getting PTSD, like having lots of good social support (i.e. family members who aren't total nutcase whackos), and so on.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@greenleaf

I agree. Denotation and connotation of definitions can often separate or isolate folks during semantic debates. Pointless at times to pounce but can be good to air grievances. :D

 

[Friday]

Most of the time I put on my idiot-goggles and just blink and smile and ignore. In one ear and out the other.

Sometimes I'm feeling really charitable (And there, but for the grace of god go I), and am wicked grateful that I'm not torn up over minor-ridiculous-thing (not that I'm happy to have gone through XYZ, but damn if I'm not grateful that minor things aren't earth shattering!). Ditto for not using the wrong words to describe something. ((My son as a toddler used to say the most outlandish stuff! Like kids at school beat him with bricks! Waaaaaaah. Bricks! Until he was just bleeding and alone in the dirt. Um. Nooooooo. They didn't. But he was trying to describe how something made him feel, and didn't feel that the facts were convincing enough . Or he'd tell his teachers that his house burned down, and we rode in ambulances, and, and, and... Um. No. It didn't/we didn't. Took me ages to get him to use similes instead of metaphors and the preface "Wouldn't it be _____ if?" (In this case, exciting. We'd had a boring weekend and he wanted something lively for show & tell. Whole cloth it is!). Rolleyes. LeSigh. Kids. Giving parents grey hair since the dawn of time.))

Sometimes I'm feeling really touchy and it just pisses me off. I don't want to be a member of this club, and people glomming onto something I hate just makes my teeth itch. Eff off. It's just adding insult to injury.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

What you do is that you turn a self-diagnosis into a self-fulfilling prophecy. When someone tells you they have ptsd because their boyfriend of two whole days has dumped them, you smile, nod, and offer some fake yet convincing condolences. After sufficient time has passed, you sneak up on them, incognito, and with one swift kick to the groin area you render them unable to have children. This sort of assault would be enough to cause ptsd. Hence, the person's wish actually has a chance of coming true, and they have learned a valuable lesson. DON'T CRY WOLF.

I hope that made someone laugh. But in reality, pity them for not only being ignorant but also pathetic. It's like those people who fake cancer. There is no hope for the scum of the earth.