Dealing Without My T

[Hi there]

I find it hard enough often enough to deal without my T between weeks, let alone when he takes time off.

But whenever he says he is taking a week off or going on a holiday (I would rank this every 2-3 months) I always immediate react that it's okay and I will tell myself of the money I save etc.

In practice I find this hard. Usually if it is just one week I do okay.

I'm a 20 years old and female btw for what it's worth. I live away from my family because of college, which finishes soon for summer. My trauma type is ctrauma and really a lot to do with 'small' things that happened again and again and again and again, with a few slightly bigger things in there as well.

My T is on a one and a half week holiday and has arranged to see me as soon as he gets back. I only actually miss one session..

But at the weekend I disassociated so hard that I ended up writing the words "WAKE UP!" into my arm. I am so annoyed at myself. I don't know why I am finding it so difficult.

 

[DharmaGirl]

A lot of people with complex trauma also have problems with attachment. When I was seeing my T, I did everything I could not to become attached to him, but I did anyway. When he would take vacation, I would journal my feelings starting with- Day 1, I normally wouldn't be seeing him today, etc…and that would get me through. It is really tough, I know, but now is the time to use your tools to feel better.

Do you have a list of things that make you feel better, or help ground yourself before you cut? That's always important. Can you fill up your days with other things that keep you busy? When you start to dissociate, can you take a walk, or ride a bike or go swimming? I remember how hard those days were for me, but I got through. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

 

[watundah]

I have times like these. My therapist takes a lot of vacations, too, and like you, I look at the positive as money back to me. Usually I am silly and count the days.
I agree that Journaling or exercise or even reading a self help book may help as you continue your journey and focus on how you can use the time to work.on yourself while flying solo. Even finding articles to better understand dissociation may help.

Take care.

 

[mrsps]

I can relate to this. I have started seeing a new T (had about 7/8 sessions) and already have become attached to her and miss her between sessions, a week feels so long. I normally write stuff down during the week to take with me as I struggle to talk at times. She knows I miss her between sessions and suggested that when I do my writing that I write it to her as if she was right next to me and was listening to me. I think this will really help me to get through the weeks and feel like she is there.
Also it is normal to form some attachment as that's what helps us be able to heal

 

[falling_wave]

I also miss my T very much during the week especially when it's longer. I've been seeing her for about 2 years. I also count the days and when it gets to that day even the hours. I also journal everyday so I don't forget what I want to tell her. I think spending time replaying parts of our last session in my mind is most helpful both in feeling less alone and it reminds me of thing I need to hear that we talked about during the week. When it gets really strong I listen to a message she left on my phone that I keep saving or look at her picture online. I know that sounds creepy but it makes me feel less alone. Also going for a walk is the best positive distraction I've found if I can get myself moving. She knows and is sensitive supportive about it but maintains boundaries. It is comforting that she knows I struggle with attachment abandonment issues I think just because she's less likely to accidentally do it. Good luck to you!