Deciding on new therapist

[EveHarrington]

Let’s us know how it went!

Hugs.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Let’s us know how it went!

Hugs.

I shook for the entire time. It was like that with my first therapist, too. It never got better and I saw her for 2 and a half months. But she was not good or respectful. He seemed really nice. And calm. And ok with my nervousness. We joked about it. I drink a lot of water when I’m nervous. I use that as a gauge. With my first therapist I drank all the time. I would screw back the top on and then 5 sec later I would be going for another sip. And on and on. I did that tonight. Yesterday with the other t I didn’t drink ONE sip. I was comfortable and in control. I talked about the goals I wanted to tackle and she was on board. This guy doesn’t really believe in goals. Things change each week, he says. “How will we know when I’m done?” I ask. “You’ll just know.” I oddly liked that idea and also hated it. I don’t know what to make of it. One of my goals is decision-making and I’m often unsure. I made another appointment. I was very honest about seeing another therapist yesterday and not being sure if I can do therapy with him. I feel like there isn’t a bad choice between the 2. If I go with the first therapist I would be in control and I would talk about what I’m working on. I don’t think she would challenge me. I think she would be more of a support. Through nervousness things come up that you wouldn’t ordinarily say. Just to say SOMETHING. I’m oddly intrigued by it and want to explore it more. I’m still shaking a bit. When I see him next week I think I’ll have something written about why I think I may be so nervous. Would help to have something written. I’ll still keep the other appt with the first therapist and see how a second appt goes when there isn’t something prepared like there was yesterday. I liked how she listened but she interrupted a lot and I interrupted back. I like moments of silence in between. They’re scarier but I feel that’s where the good stuff lives.

 

[EveHarrington]

Can you explain more about how he doesn’t believe in goals?

I 100% agree with just knowing when therapy is done. Goals are always a good thing, but things are always popping up out of the blue so I can see why it wouldn’t be a matter of “goals set on day 1 are accomplished, you’re done!”

I’d look closer into whether or not therapist #1 can challenge you. If she can’t, and is only there for support, then I’d think your time with her would be somewhat limited.

 

[Scarlet13]

I can't tell, which one did you like better?
Also, I would try not to fear the attachment thing if it happens again, it could be different this time, less consuming.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Can you explain more about how he doesn’t believe in goals?

I 100% agree with just knowing whe...

He just thinks that things continually change and said what bothers you one week may not bother you the next. And I get that. So what do we talk about. And he said something about the week that you think of. And what’s here presently. Cause it’ll all come back to the present, he said. He thought 2 and a half years with the last therapist was a long time so I don’t think he’s saying no goals as a way to get me there for a loooong time. I didn’t want to talk about about a lot of things I said. I feel like nervousness can be an asset, you know? Cause I’ll blurt things out. But omg I don’t want to shake every single week. But we will see. I want to try to talk about why it might be happening but that’s like some IMMEDIATE discomfort. Discomfort isn’t the right work, more like hell! So I’ll save it for next week and we will see what comes from that. I mean, I figure if I’m going to be super anxious I may as well talk about it in depth and try to figure it other, right? It’s not the therapy I went in for but I think a lot can be gained. And if not, I told him I may call it quits after any session.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Can you explain more about how he doesn’t believe in goals?

I 100% agree with just knowing whe...

And yes! I for sure want to have another session with first therapist and see how that goes and if she asks me any questions that make me think or just agrees with me or what. Cause yeah, support is nice but kind of expensive to just have someone to talk to who doesn’t offer you anything.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I can't tell, which one did you like better?
Also, I would try not to fear the attachment thing if it...

I liked the first one, the woman because she was comfortable. But she knows my last t and I don’t think I could talk about the attachment with her. I did with t number 2 (didn’t want to but it just came out). They both seemed like good listeners but he never interrupted me. But it’s so uncomfortable. Do I go toward the discomfort or is it too much? Is this a time to be gentle and easy with myself? These are questions for myself btw lol.

 

[EveHarrington]

He just thinks that things continually change and said what bothers you one week may not bothe...

Is therapist #2 a trauma therapist?

I guess I ask because it seems to me that when dealing with trauma, it’s not usually a matter of what bothers you one week doesn’t bother you the next. When getting into deep seeded trauma issues, these are things that will take weeks or months or even longer to work through.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Is therapist #2 a trauma therapist?

I guess I ask because it seems to me that when dealing with...

I don’t know I didn’t ask lol!!! But I guess if the same thing bothers you each week then you stay with it, right?

 

[UnicornSightings]

I don’t know I didn’t ask lol!!! But I guess if the same thing bothers you each week then...

I believe trauma/ptsd is on his psychology today profile. But I was nervous!! So I asked random things and didn’t listen to much of it, just tried to keep it together.

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m guessing he’s not a trauma therapist, as they usually have to be sought out. I’m guessing he’s more of a run of the mill generalist given his week to week stance. Is he going to be able to give you what you need/want? I guess if you’re not dealing with PTSD or trauma issues then a generalist is fine, but if you want to dig into the trauma, it’s best to have a specialist as generalists can actually make you worse——what helps others can actually hurt those of us with PTSD. I’ve had it happen to me before.

Sorry, cross posted.

Definitely ask for clarification.

A LOT of therapists are merely “trauma aware” so they list trauma/PTSD on their psychology today profile. It doesn’t necessarily mean they know how to handle deeper PTSD stuff.

Definitely ask him about how he handles trauma!

 

[UnicornSightings]

I’m guessing he’s not a trauma therapist, as they usually have to be sought out. I’m guessi...

Ugh this is hard. Ok I’ll be sure to ask him if he has experience in trauma. He does use a certain type of therapy sometimes I was interested in but he said it’s not good for trauma and he gave me reasons. So I don’t know. And I have no idea what I want or need. I don’t. Ok here’s what I know. I went to therapy initially because I felt stuck and wanted to be put on Zoloft to feel better. The psychiatrist was also a psychologist and recommended I talk to someone after I choked out some of my past, I decided on her because she was there. She treated me poorly but I didn’t know I deserved better until therapist number 2 who u saw ONLY to piss off the first therapist. Who didn’t care. So after awhile of seeing both I switched to #2. In the 2 and a half years with her I was able to get out everything I had never said to anyone and learn how I deserved to be treated. Now, after that was over, I feel strong. I have goals I’m working on and am proud of myself a lot. Why am I seeking out another therapist? I wonder that. Because I’m capable of continuing on and improving my life and challenging myself and being kind to myself along the way. So why? On and off I feel weak and scared. Like maybe I can’t do it. Like maybe I just need some support. Sometimes I miss my last t so very much and just want something. I want something you know? And someone to talk to fits the bill. And I don’t want more attachment as that really sucked. But I’m on a mission to know myself and be there for myself and treat myself gently. So if I have hard moments then I deserve support. So I wrote up some goals for therapist 1. On the fly. To care less about what people think, to be better at decision-making, to maintain my own power throughout therapy and to communicate better with people and form deeper relationships. I have a ton of goals but figured those would be good ones. And I’m working on all of those on my own. I have a pretty dang good idea what’s holding me back in those areas. So she would be someone to report to. To help me think of ways to challenge myself between sessions. But I can think of really good ways to challenge myself on my own. So she would be there to report to on how it’s going. Which is cool, having someone to talk to about your life and progress who will just be there for you and root for you.

So I didn’t even know what to write down on the sheet at the other t’s office. I wrote the same ones because I wanted to write something but they seemed so silly there. I mean, I can really work on them myself and have been. So why then? Why do I want to try him again? I’m intrigued by my nervousness. It seems, if I’m going to be nervous around men, he’s a decent one to explore that with. I mean, it’s not gonna get much more uncomfortable. And how cool if I ended up not hating guys, right? Or fearing them. Or thinking the worst of them.