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Defeated

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Dear Desi I came back to say, Christmas holds it's own challenges, especially when you can't cope in the ways (for now) that you wish.

But no matter what one's beliefs, 'Christmas' came from the story of 2 people on the run for their lives, unwelcomed/ excluded (no room at the Inn) & struggling, everything unknown, mentally & physically at a loss for full understanding or much help, really with only their 'God' & each other. If they didn't get ptsd nearly no one would. Christmas is not what is promoted, Christmas is, in it's reality, very suited for people like 'us', I think. :inlove: :hug:
 
Whether it's a battle or a war, losing it is a temporary thing.

Retreat. Regroup. Revenge.

Or ;) Ahem. Rebuild. Losing a war can also be known as Armistice. Ushering in (a broken, bloody, limping) era of peace. Peace sounds good, but it's bloody painful, and tedious, and exhausting to get up off the ground, and down to the ground. The demo; clearing away what no longer works. The grief. What was lost. What will never be again, what could have been and isn't. The anger. The heartbreak. The friction. The shame. The people who will never understand. The starving years. Peace. Sounds so good. But it's built on wails and keening, stayed hands, & broken hearts. It's only later that things flourish, once more. Often much later. Becomes practices, solid, steady. Peace never feels good in the beginning. If it feels good? It ain't peace. Peace is hard ass work. It's joy.

I wish you much joy, Desi. :happy: Fighting or Rebuilding. Joy in effing spades.
 
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