Still Standing
Diamond Member
I am happy to have found your site. There are many times when I feel like I am walking this journey by myself. I am entering into this journey as an older person...the "grandma" stage in life. Earlier this year, while in a doctor's office, I suddenly had a panic attack and put my arms up in front of me to protect me and broke down and cried like a little girl, all because he wanted to put (yet another) needle injection into my shoulder. It was tremendously embarrassing. Because of the shock of my reactions and the unsettling inner turmoil, I contacted a psychologist, that day. Long story short, I have delayed PTSD complicated by childhood abuse and years of invasive medical procedures and surgeries. The panic attacks and triggering events are aggravating and many times I want to run away. I have even had suicidal thoughts, but have been able to work through them. I have now been in counseling for about 4 months, utilizing Cognitive Behavorial Therapy. It is pretty tough trying to rechange one's thinking but, I think there is some progress. I also have an emotional support dog now. He helps quite a bit to calm me. There is still a lot of unrest inside of me and am not sure where this CBT goes. The one thing that has held me together through the years is my faith, but even now, there is a struggle balancing out the trust in God with the therapy given. Right now, I am trying to calm my insides because of having been recently triggered by hearing the screams of a woman, on a TV program, someone was watching. This, I don't know why it has made me so upset, as I do not remember a woman screaming, in my life. This PTSD stuff is very confusing, at times. The Golden Years seem to be a bit tarnish, at the moment.
