Dependant On My Boyfriend.

[izmo]

I play a lot of video games too..And I rely on my partner's company. I've lost contact with a number of my old friends. I also do things like research on issues I care about as I want to apply for further studies and I also listen to soothing sounds (one of my favorites is soothing underwater sounds).

Do you find online forums to be a good mode of communication? Obviously it's not the same as communication or making new friends in person. But at times we never know who we might come across online. You might meet a friend someday whom you can skype with and who turns out to be someone you can trust, before finally meeting that person. Do you feel you internalized shame though for feeling that you're 'depending' too much on your boyfriend or is it something that bothers you personally? Do you feel yourself more of an introvert or extrovert?

Apologies for the questions, you don't have to answer a number of them if you don't feel comfortable. Just offering a different angle.

 

[Liana]

To answer your questions izmo;
I do like the majority of online communities, however, I tend to stick to sites like this one as I am confident that most of the users are nice and genuinely care. The problem I have with making friends, is that, at college for instance, I am not one to actively want to make friends. I know that when I go to college I will make friends, I am going to, I know that and am willing to. However, I, firstly, wont enjoy it and secondly, I don't feel comfortable having friends because I am that much different to almost everyone I have met. I'm not a typical girl and would much rather play video games than talk about boys or make up.

I do also have that sense of shame, I shouldn't be having to rely on my boyfriend to do things I should be able to do on my own. And most of the time I feel like a bother and a hassle, and I don't want to tell him that I am afraid to go outside unless I'm with him incase he doesn't understand. I don't want to be that clingy kind of girlfriend, but I feel I am becoming that way due to my own personal problems.

And I know for a fact I am an introvert. I don't know whether that is my personality, or some form of anxiety.. To be very truthful, I have no idea who I am. Half of the time I don't know whether I am being myself or acting the way I do because I am afraid of the world. I could just have a general dislike of the company of people, or it could be my anxiety taking a hold, making me nervous and anxious around people. I have no idea any more, and frankly, it scares me. My therapist doesn't seem to understand or care so I'm stuck for what to do. My boyfriend doesn't understand, he wants to but doesn't know where to start. And I can't hand him a leaflet on PTSD because for starters, I'm not diagnosed and therefore can't presume I do actually suffer from it (despite being adamant I do).

Sorry for the long reply, and the fact half of it has gone off topic. I'm in a bit of a state and needed a vent.