Depersonalization Distorder
(Note to mods: This is part of PTSD.)
It can include:
1. Continuous or recurring feelings that you're an outside observer of your thoughts, your body or parts of your body
It's subtle not overt but it is true of me. It's not just people that think they are outside their body looking at from a distance. It's when you can see your body, or someone else's, such as me knowing it's not my body but what I inherited, inside watching what it does but you are the one controlling it. I can imagine I am anyone I choose and can create anyone I want. If I wanted to, I'm sure I could look in the mirror and see something different that what's there if I wanted to. But, that would be insanity so I never went that far that I didn't know reality (what's around me and what's happening). I did block out my sex abuse for 23 years and most of my childhood for even longer.
2. Numbing of your senses or responses to the world around you.
Yes, it's true. I've numbed so much and so many times growing up because of sex abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse, I'm numb, cold emotionally, all the time. Due to being abused more by my sperm donor, I don't cry or feel. He didn't allow feelings. They were wrong.
3. Feeling like a robot or feeling like you're living in a dream or in a movie
Robot, life as a movie is me. I even only see in 2D not 3D, which was confirmed by vision tests time and time again.
4. The sensation that you aren't in control of your actions, including speaking.
That's not me. I control the body, or an alter is with generally co-consciousness or co-knowledge.
5. Awareness that your sense of detachment is only a feeling, and not reality.
Not sure what that means. Denial maybe?
Episodes of depersonalization can be frightening. They can cause:
1. Difficulty focusing on tasks or remembering things
Yes, I have a lot of problems staying on task. At work, I'd forget what I was doing all the time. Unless it was creative work, my quality sucked. I couldn't remain focuses, or thought I was and turn in incomplete work. I excelled at school because I liked it (some of it) and when it engaged me.
My IQ was tested at 193 (Rachel, former main person now my alter) and 226 (me in 2004). I would say Allie, an alter, is probably near Rachel's IQ. Somehow she found me.
2. Interference with work and other routine activities
Yes.
3. Problems in relationships with your family and friends.
I've never had any really, and don't know how to act. I used to think my parents weren't my parents. I didn't belong there. Hell, nobody did, but on all levels I sometimes thought they weren't mine like I didn't know who they were. Are they really mine?
Desomatisation is diminution, loss or alteration of bodily sensations, sense of disembodiment; there may be a raised pain threshold.
A lot of the times feelings, if any, aren't felt by the body. So, Desomatisation explains that.
These are all "tricks" abused, usually sexually abused, kids learn and learn all too well to escape the abuse.
In fact, if not for all the sex I've been into in the past (and present), I seriously doubt I'd be here. Sex was the only thing that kept me from killing myself as a kid. It's a total escape. It kept me grounded in reality.
(Note to mods: This is part of PTSD.)
It can include:
1. Continuous or recurring feelings that you're an outside observer of your thoughts, your body or parts of your body
It's subtle not overt but it is true of me. It's not just people that think they are outside their body looking at from a distance. It's when you can see your body, or someone else's, such as me knowing it's not my body but what I inherited, inside watching what it does but you are the one controlling it. I can imagine I am anyone I choose and can create anyone I want. If I wanted to, I'm sure I could look in the mirror and see something different that what's there if I wanted to. But, that would be insanity so I never went that far that I didn't know reality (what's around me and what's happening). I did block out my sex abuse for 23 years and most of my childhood for even longer.
2. Numbing of your senses or responses to the world around you.
Yes, it's true. I've numbed so much and so many times growing up because of sex abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse, I'm numb, cold emotionally, all the time. Due to being abused more by my sperm donor, I don't cry or feel. He didn't allow feelings. They were wrong.
3. Feeling like a robot or feeling like you're living in a dream or in a movie
Robot, life as a movie is me. I even only see in 2D not 3D, which was confirmed by vision tests time and time again.
4. The sensation that you aren't in control of your actions, including speaking.
That's not me. I control the body, or an alter is with generally co-consciousness or co-knowledge.
5. Awareness that your sense of detachment is only a feeling, and not reality.
Not sure what that means. Denial maybe?
Episodes of depersonalization can be frightening. They can cause:
1. Difficulty focusing on tasks or remembering things
Yes, I have a lot of problems staying on task. At work, I'd forget what I was doing all the time. Unless it was creative work, my quality sucked. I couldn't remain focuses, or thought I was and turn in incomplete work. I excelled at school because I liked it (some of it) and when it engaged me.
My IQ was tested at 193 (Rachel, former main person now my alter) and 226 (me in 2004). I would say Allie, an alter, is probably near Rachel's IQ. Somehow she found me.
2. Interference with work and other routine activities
Yes.
3. Problems in relationships with your family and friends.
I've never had any really, and don't know how to act. I used to think my parents weren't my parents. I didn't belong there. Hell, nobody did, but on all levels I sometimes thought they weren't mine like I didn't know who they were. Are they really mine?
Desomatisation is diminution, loss or alteration of bodily sensations, sense of disembodiment; there may be a raised pain threshold.
A lot of the times feelings, if any, aren't felt by the body. So, Desomatisation explains that.
These are all "tricks" abused, usually sexually abused, kids learn and learn all too well to escape the abuse.
In fact, if not for all the sex I've been into in the past (and present), I seriously doubt I'd be here. Sex was the only thing that kept me from killing myself as a kid. It's a total escape. It kept me grounded in reality.
