Depression And Triggers

[sunnyd]

I often wonder when i hit a depression should I just cut my family out of my life.

I believe being treated one way abused and neglected while having a sister obviously favored but with no one in the family admitting it, I may be better off having no more contact.

The one time I said I wanted no more to do with any of them I really didn't think they would care, after all they had got what they wanted despite my complaint of it not being fair for over 20 years. (I'm never right or valid she is even when she is proven wrong she is right)

Today I'm feeling depressed as a small trigger such as my 17 year niece old getting driving lessons payed for her, a flat in another town payed for her while she studies and no job. her father also stacks shelves at a supermarket and they have not long managed to get my dad to sign over his house for a low price, they may as well have bought it for a song. Now they have the house they also treat my dad so differently!

My dad also does things with my sisters one child while I am a single parent with 3 children and get no helps. I'm fact despite my dad having a really well paid job I had to work to buy a car and insure it myself and pay for my own driving lesson's. My own 21 year old son worked his socks off to pay for his driving lessons and travel fees for uni as well. With no help or praise from them even when he passed with top grades in is year. It hurts me

Confronting them gets me know where.When i did cut off with them I got into such a deep depression I thought I would be put in hospital.(that would suit them)

When I lost my fiance of 8 years in a horrific car crash with a bull on the road. my partner and kids were in the car and he died in my arms. I got PTSD as did the kids. It happened in December and three weeks later with snow on the ground I asked my sister to do some food shopping because I couldn't face going out in the car driving in the dark and in snow became a problem for me. As well as the medicines. She pretended i was going to a nearby shop with me in the car, Even getting in a car I wasn't happy with then she got her husband to drive all the way to a shop in a town 15 miles away (I had been in that town Christmas shopping and was on the way home that night) HOW CRUEL I SCREAMED AND CRIED! but point taken she didn't want to help do any shopping for me....got it loud and clear

I had to live in refuges with my children and after many abusive relationships, before I met the right one who I lost in the crash. I couldn't go home to the family home as there was no room because I had kids.

So does my sister but she has never had to work a day in her life, But she has had two husbands moved in and has a child and they just give her the house for a song.

She isn't even my dads biological daughter but she calls her self the sitting bull. I call her a coo coo (the bird that pushes the real eggs out of the nest)

By this stage my non religious father cares only about the state of the world and the evil in it and is all religious but fails to see treating us so unfairly is a act he will need to seek forgiveness for.

I don't do drugs or drink so there is no explanation of that sorts. I have a job and work long hours and still could never afford to provide nearly as much as my stack shelving BIL.

My brother is now in jail he ended up drinking to numb his issues with the unfairness. I am just brewing for a fight next time I see my dad.

I have chronic pain conditions FM, CFS, moderate depression. I think although I would have had a disposition to these things. But if I had the same treatment as my sister and offered a house then I'm sure I would have attracted someone better than my abusive first partner and found life easier. Most likely I wouldn't have all these stress related painful conditions that are with me the rest of my life.

This is just where I am at right now today. I would like to start a diary to go back and see how I have got to this point. I'm not sure if I have posted in the right place as I'm fairly new to forums. Advice welcomed.

It does go deeper that the surface of the triggers upsetting me to day

 

[sunnyd]

I have came out of the black place, was only there a day this time. I hate the dark place when my mind goes like yesterday in the last post.

How did I come out of it so quickly this time, I am not sure. I did have a rant about it took my pain relief and sleeping pill and kept myself busy cleaning the house as it was my day off today.

The sun was shinning also, it seems to help somehow.

 

[Loveneverfails]

Sounds like your family is as toxic as mine. I'm so sorry you and your children can't count on your family to help. You deserve so much better than that. Your kids are blessed to have you working so hard to provide a life for them. That is so wonderful. I really do hope you are able to get help and support from somewhere. You've lived such a hard life and deserve help when you need it.

 

[sunnyd]

Family kick off today with one daughter (B) coming in with a threat from another girl or should I say woman directed at my other daughter(A)

I told my youngest daughter she did the right thing telling me and I would chat with her sister about the alleged offense that this woman who was actually poking her nose in on behalf of HER younger sister about a squabble that was according to my threatened daughter(A) months ago and resolved by the girls.

I felt the tension, as the woman had passed the message that she would be round to our door and did not care if my daughter(A) was under age and she would be arrested for taking her out of the house and giving her a good kicking in.

Well of course my defenses were up. The last time I was physically abused by my ex partner I vowed if anyone tried to hit me again i would just get a knife and not wait around to get beaten like previous occasions. This woman is great big and over weight my daughter laughed when i said let her come and obviously I will be stepping in to protect daughter (A)

Daughter (B) feared for me with this woman's size I also said this woman who I know speaks rubbish anyways and should keep her nose out of a silly teenage exchange of words on a social network site.

I had so much stress last year with my daughter (A) ending up being expelled from school for her safety and the safety of others. I think she is as bad as the other girls but somehow always ends up with gangs of people out to fight her. All I can do is advise her but it gives me great anxiety. I have gone into my bedroom and can am very quiet with both girls.

Daughter (A) started to talk and I walked away after I said enough talk about it and she laughed. She is a lot like her biological dad. She doesn't seem to have the skills socially and does not care about any stress she brings my way. Normal teenager??? with a mum that has resorted to medicines to calm down when she kicks off. We both have PTSD.

Doctors and Social workers have been useless helping me with her. I never know weather to believe her stories when she gives me explanations.