Depression Has Hit Me With A Thud :(

[bright future28]

So iv been having therapy for the past 13 weeks now for ptsd caused from sexual abuse. I have bottled up alot of my feelings for many years and have only told a few people besides my therapist. So I feel like iv been coping quite well at therapy with opening a book that has been closed for so long well thats up until now that is. The past two weeks have been a downward slope of nervousness anxiety tearfullness and depression. I am so tense sometimes i find it hard to talk like i phyiscally cant get the words out and the past two days iv been feeling more and more depressed. I told my therapist at my last session on monday that i had been feeling a lot more anxious and she said its where maybe we have touched on subjects we didnt discuss before and that all the feelinsgs iv blocked out for so long are started to come out. i was coping reasonably well with this up until the past two days iv been becoming more and more tearful and agitated and feeling very down like i want to be byself even though i have two young children who are fully dependable on me. Im finding it a real struggle at the mo and just wondered if any others had felt worse towards the end of therapy and does it get better? It was the first time i really cried on my last theapy session so maybe these are just more trapped emotions coming out all i do know is that its crippling as I am usually always out and about with the children but feel like i have no motivation right now and just want to lie in bed and do nothing :( iv tried talking to my partner but he gets angry/upset when he thinks of the abuse i suffered so sometimes i have to bottle it all in x

 

[Saint Nik]

Hello. Sorry to hear about the tough as f*ck time you are going through! It sounds horrible. I don't know if this is of any hope for you. . .but I emotionally was where you are now in January this year. . . it seemed to trail off and ease a bit through February right through to June. . .then this month I got niggles of it again, but it was no where as bad as January. I hope you notice that your emotions do pass, and so do the symptoms. You do notice that, do you? I know it sounds like your partner isn't being the most supportive. I get that from my sister all the time too. I think it's because when people feel helpless, they become scared they can't help you, especially if they don't see any progress!

All I can say to you is that it will pass. Honestly, nothing lasts forever, not even thoughts, bodily sensations or symptoms and neither does feelings. They all pass. . .they feel like they stick when you start building a story to it though.

Right now your body and mind are so out of sync, but are now trying to process the abuse you went through. Like me, we both are at the right time to allow this abuse to process itself and the rest will take care of itself. Don't bottle up, even if people moan at you. It's their problem. Just find these right people to talk to. . .or try again with your partner. . . but don't bottle it up. It needs a release and it will continue to release the more you speak about it. Unfortunately though, with release will come pain, anxiety, depression and hurt. . . like that saying, it gets worse before it gets better!

It's going to be okay. You will be okay. You have been through so much and your body is now showing you how much pain you are actually in. So cry, let it out and cuddle yourself and allow this to happen and surround yourself with people you trust. Keep doing all the things you are advised from doctor's, therapy, from loved ones. But mainly, you take care of you and give yourself so much permission and compassion that you are a human being that is hurting and only needs time to recover and there is no time limits. Your mind and body will heal in their own time and you just have to allow it and nurture yourself the best way you can.

You have got this far. . . it's just a feeling and it's going to pass. x x x x :hug:

 

[bright future28]

thank you for your reply @Saint Nik im really pleased you got through the tough time :) it gives me alot of hope. Iv never experienced feeling this depressed i guess thats why its hit home so hard but your right it just all needs to come out and then eventually the feelings will pass. thank you for your kind words it means a lot. xx

 

[Saint Nik]

thank you for your reply @Saint Nik im really pleased you got through the tou...

The problem with being human. . .we get this uncomfortable yukky feeling fromany kind of trauma and your brain tries to work it out. It's not your fault and you are not in control of the process. . .so the symptoms of this process is anxiety, depression, worry, fear, scared, lost, confused, etc. . . let it all ride it out. You don't have to work out anything. All you have to do is get in a cuddly chair, or a hug from a loved one, allow this feeling to wash and overcome you as much as it likes (and yes it can be terrifying, but it's going to pass!)
I know it's a bit mad, but it sometimes helps me (I say sometimes, because other times it doesn't mean shit lol) but I think of nature, like tree's. . .they are stuck there in their roots and a storm comes along and they have no where to go, to move and the rain can batter it, drown it. . .though that rain is nurturing it, nature is so mad at times. . .but the storm eventually passes and out comes the sun. . .and did that tree have to work it out what that feeling was? Okay, I don't mean to compare you to a tree, but just giving you a different perspective that you don't have to work out these feelings you are going to feel. Let them wash over you and though it's difficult, stop analysing these feelings and let them come and go as they please, even the intensity of them. . .just make sure you turn to someone and say, oh shit, it's happening again, get a great big hug, cry through it. . . and it will leave you. And remember, no time limits.

Hope that helps x x x x

 

[bright future28]

thankyou @Saint Nik i like what you said about the tree so very true :) will definetly try and not worry so much and over analysis everything and just ride through the storm xx