Des And Sdq20 - Psychiatrist Overlooked?

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Someone on another forum recommended I try to seek help from the Pottergate centre in the UK which is a specific group of professionals dedicated to Trauma and Dissociation. But as they're half-way across the country and I have neither the means nor method of getting there I followed their advice and when I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist at the beginning of the week took along a filled in DES (Dissociative Experiences Scales) and SDQ20 (Somatoform Dissociative Questionnaire).

Now overall the session went neither well nor terribly. I was supposed to be there with my social worker who has seen me more and new why was going but not only had my appointment been cancelled with him two weeks earlier, but he was not present in the session either (apparently he's still unwell). I didn't know what to expect and wasn't relatively aimless during the session. However when I gave her the two questionnaires, she glanced at them for about 10 seconds and said nothing about them despite scoring incredibly high on both, other than noting that they were both about dissociation. However she did ask if I wanted them back and when I said that I didn't need them, she said she would scan them into my file.

She didn't ask me anything about my responses or go on to talk about anything to do with dissociation, despite in my last session saying that I had some kind of dissociative disorder and instead recommended that I wait until therapy to seek a more specific diagnosis (that part I am actually happy about). She also said that dissociative symptoms are common with trauma or prolonged anxiety, and I was obviously struggling with anxiety. Despite the fact that she knows on my record that I was abused as a child. Plus more than struggling with anxiety, it is painfully obvious that I am struggling with dissociation. But she pretty much overlooked the whole thing which was mostly why I was there. The only reason I can see her need to explain this to me was because there was a medical student in the room (I wasn't comfortable with that either).

Should she have at least read through the form or asked me about my responses? Or was I expecting too much from her. She recommended medication, one that I had previously had enormous problems with (something which I discussed with her in the session) and another, although she agreed that it may or may not make a difference, so it was a personal decision and that her primary course of treatment is still therapy.

Mostly it went better than I thought it would, but not brilliantly either. It did leave me with questions and glad to be out of there.

 

[Springer80]

Hi Kas,
?
Just to clarify is the above what happened at The Pottergate? Or at another place with a stand in social worker?

X

 

[Leah123]

I'm sorry you did not feel heard. It sounds so uncomfortable, without your social worker there, plus having a random medical student there. I would have felt so awkward, and worse, with her lack of response. I don't know what one "should" expect in that situation, from a psychiatrist, but... I would hope for more attentiveness and concern than you received. Seems to me she could have said, with no cost to her, that she saw how high you scored yourself and while she couldn't go further in her role into diagnosis or other support, that she knew how serious and distressing it was to you, etc.

I hope you have much better luck with therapy. It can be hard, sometimes professionals in the medical setting are SO clinical!

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

To be fair the DES was scored on the computer before printing but the SDQ20 had no score on but seeing as most of them were marked high or very high, so it didn't take a lot to work out. But I don't even know if she read any of it. I mean 10 seconds for 2 questionnaires each about 3 pages long, it was barely long enough to flick through all the pages. I don't know, it's just disappointing although in a way it's just what I wanted - to be ignored - to not be noticed - it's no where near as relieving as I thought. :S

 

[maddog]

In my experience, psychiatrists have next to no interest in psychometric tests and I am actually not at all surprised that she was so disinterested in it. I have always marvelled at the divide between psychiatry and psychology in the mental health field, and this would seem to be a classic example.

I felt uncomfortable and ambivalent on your behalf reading your account and can well understand your confusion. But to be honest, I think that she is right on some level to encourage you to further explore your dissociative experiences and their treatment in therapy. It sounds as though she intends to work specifically from the medical/medication angle, which is reasonable to a point and is perhaps the best way to approach your future sessions with her if she has indicated that she doesn't wish to pursue your treatment from a therapeutic perspective. Ideally she would have engaged more with you about the medications of course, and ideally there would be some collaboration between a medical and therapeutic intervention, but at this stage, as disconcerting as it no doubt is, I would probably adopt a wait and see approach.

I'm sorry, you've no doubt mentioned, but what is your therapy status? Are you seeing a therapist or are you about to? Is this why you were asking about Pottergate?

Maddog

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Springer - I'm so sorry, I seem to have forgotten to reply to you - it wasn't rudeness just clumsiness mixed with a generous portion of forgetfulness! This was at a local Mental Health facility - not the Pottergate Centre - I was only following the advice given to take along these forms. I was supposed to be seeing the Psychiatrist with my Social Worker, however he was absent due to illness.

That's no problem Maddog - I've been awaiting therapy since last august around the same time I finally took action and sought a correction in my diagnosis from Autistic Spectrum Disorder to PTSD. In February this year I went from being on 3 sets of waiting lists for short-term therapy (6-8 weeks) to one set of long term therapy (12 weeks-indefinite). I am still waiting and despite being told for the past three months that I am at the top of the waiting list am still not being seen. This was apparently caused by their lack of staff suitable to take on my case. But a few weeks ago I was assured I would start therapy within the month.

At some point on another forum where I posted before here originally, I was told by the sound of my message, I should have posted in the dissociative forum. There (on the dissociative forum), I received quite a lot of help regarding my confusions over different types of dissociation, ptsd and what I was experiencing. When someone recommended the Pottergate centre as they don't disbelieve in some dissociative disorders, which apparently is incredibly common in the UK. Their recommendation is if you're seeing someone and you aren't local to take your results from the two mentions tests to your diagnosing practitioner to give them some idea of what you are struggling with - something I found incredibly useful as despite being quite literate when nervous I seem to barely be able to talk let alone make any sense.

I'm not incredibly shaken by the fact that she didn't really pay them much attention - like I said I didn't know what to expect. Plus when I left I was just glad it was over with and it was only today that it dawned on me that it bothered me - well there's nothing I can do about it right now, but I wanted to ask, because I had no idea.

 

[Springer80]

Hi Kas,

I've done both those tests too....at a Trauma Centre in Scotland....in a way I didn't paricularly wanted to do them nor was that bothered about what the result meant. I felt I had to do one for the purposes of having an accurate diagnoses, due to NHS GP ignorance since 1999 and being on lond term sick.

In a way I dont know how accurate they can be, cos if your very dissociative or have DID, how the hell do you know accurately how dissociated you are? When I'm good I think I'm fine and when I'm not I can't cope, block it out and cant relate it to anyone?

I just asked about whether you were at Pottergate cos I have heard of them too and and am aware of the work of some of the people associated with it and was surprised that they had been so inconsiderate of you.

I would definitely send that person/their department an email about how they made you feel. It's not good enough.

You know you say you cant afford the fee or travel expenses to use Pottergate....well if you told them what situation your in they may know people in your area. People who work their are part of a european wide research and support organisation and anyone in the know in this field is in contact with it. Also a lot of people with this condition are in the same boat work/money wise and alot of professionals in the field will find a way of providing help, discounts etc.

I am sorry, I do know that feeling of how much it hurts to be me with more loneliness even when after a long, horrible and hurtful amount of effort, rejection and disbelief your still not met with acknowledgement and compassion at the point of correct diagnoses. In the end and after a massive burnout which began two years ago (I'm just about recovered now) I just found the most qualified person I could and went to them.

I suppose what I'm saying is you deserve better....you deserve the best. Dont give up till you get it cos your right,... they are wrong.

:hug:

 

[Springer80]

I'm not incredibly shaken by the fact that she didn't really pay them much attention - like I said I didn't know what to expect. Plus when I left I was just glad it was over with and it was only today that it dawned on me that it bothered me -

I'm so sorry Kas, I remembering running home from the GP and bawling my eyes etc....

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I remembering running home from the GP and bawling my eyes

I keep such a closed lid on my emotions, I can't interpret them any more. I have been nearly crying, I have been visibly shaking all over the place, I have felt worse. But I don't know for certain that I came away from that with that worseness. In all fairness I went straight from my appointment to stay with my friends in another part of the company - and everything is always so much better here, so I can't tell.

When I'm good I think I'm fine and when I'm not I can't cope, block it out and cant relate it to anyone?

Jinx. It doesn't make anything very easy does it?! Unfortunately whether intense denial or something else, I've taken a huge step back in the past month and I feel very uneasy and confused about it all. It sounds silly if I say all the voices in my head have shut up but they have. Except I think I've been talking to them internally and yet when I realise it I'm pretty sure that I'm pretending to myself. I have little to no support with this area and I really could have done with my social worker there who I had at least began to talk about this with. In the session I said I was sorry for wasting her time, because I didn't know if they were there anymore, or maybe I had always been lying and that I didn't want to lie and I don't. I do so desperately wish that someone could definitively prove that they were there or at least that I wasn't lying - and everytime I find what should be that proof I then convince myself it's not real. OMG It's so confusing. The daft thing is that through all of this I'm still certain that they're there?!!! **crazy**

I am so deeply confused I don't know if trying to get help at this precise moment would be pointless. Hence why my partial belief that I should get started with some kind of therapy, for which I am told I am seeing a trauma/rape specialist (for which they only have two, another reason things have taken so long to sort, for which they have apologised deeply and now started phoning me for instead). I seem to not know which problem I should tackle first and really I don't care as long as I start trying to resolve something.

I suppose what I'm saying is you deserve better....

Thank you, I think I need people to tell me this from time to time, I have very little self-worth and find it difficult to believe that. Even though I barely believe you telling me it, I know you're probably right. For me knowing and believing are two entirely different things and they are (like most everything else in my life and head) are at odds with each other.

Thank you very, very much.

 

[Abstract]

or maybe I had always been lying and that I didn't want to lie and I don't.

I am starting to think this often comes along for the ride for most people who are dissociative. If you think of the fog and the removal from reality I guess it makes some sort of sense that it is easy to start doubting what is real and what isn't. Unless I am experiencing something in that moment I almost always feel I am lying. And it also sets off internal conflict that is just not funny.

Springer is very right that you deserve more. I do think MD is probably correct about the motivation here but there are ways of approaching things that dont leave someone out on a limb like this. Just doing the tests themselves is very scary and deregulating I am sure.

Thanks for sharing about the SDQ20. I had not looked at that before. And :wideeyed:. I don't have DID or anything but was shocked how high I scored.

Hope you feel better soon Kas.

 

[Springer80]

I have been nearly crying,

I think that's good....there have been times when I knew I needed to and really wanted to cry, I felt like I had a volleyball in my chest so I couldn't. You have stop and feel it, no distractions. But it will come I'm sure, the body is a wonderfully mysterious thing and I think if you listen to it and your emotions it will keep you on the right path.

I've taken a huge step back in the past month/...It sounds silly if I say all the voices in my head have shut up but they have....and I feel very uneasy and confused about it all.

Except I think I've been talking to them internally/...and yet when I realise it I'm pretty sure that I'm pretending to myself.

I have little to no support with this area and I really could have done with my social worker there who I had at least began to talk about this with. I'm angry about this for you and I won't go into a rant for he sake of both our blood pressures but oooo I'm really tempted. :mad:

In the session I said I was sorry for wasting her time, because I didn't know if they were there anymore, or maybe I had always been lying and that I didn't want to lie and I don't. You don't lie Kas...your confused becuase this is difficult. I'm sorry you felt you had to apologize...that must have been sad for you.

I do so desperately wish that someone could definitively prove that they were there or at least that I wasn't lying...It's not neurologically/scientifically possible to prove I don't think..the existence of what dissociation is has been proven but that it causes dissociated internal emotional structures, even when I've seen people who have DID interviewed, it can't be proven 100%

- and everytime I find what should be that proof I then convince myself it's not real.
The daft thing is that through all of this I'm still certain that they're there?!!! And your right, you put this bit last cos it's the bit hat feels it rather than analyses it and it's right.


I don't know if trying to get help at this precise moment would be pointless. No you do need help,...but you will do what you need when you are able. Look after yourself.

Hence why my partial belief that I should get started with some kind of therapy, for which I am told I am seeing a trauma/rape specialist (for which they only have two) TWO!!!!! :eek::mad: I'm gonna have a sit down.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Thank you Springer, your above post was incredibly helpful and though you probably didn't mean it too it made me smile and even laugh a bit! Thank you so, so much. You've given me a lot to think about and act with when I'm ready. I'll try not to delay too long though! Again thanks!! :) :hug: