Despair

[jesse]

I need some help. I have been feeling this overwhelming sense of despair for the past 3 weeks. I have struggled with severe depression and PTSD for 30 years and sometimes it gets so overwhelming. I am a veterinarian and at work today I had to sadly euthanise a farmers beloved dog. I usually am able to disassociate myself when I have to do that and not get really upset while feeling compassion at the same time. Today for the first time in my career I was crying with the poor guy. He and I were just a mess. So then I could not stop crying for a good hour. I rarely ever cry, like maybe once every two years so this really took me aback today. I'm always afraid to cry because of that very reason, once I start I can't seem to shut it off. I hope you guys don't think I'm heartless it is a horrible part of my job and you never get used to it but you do learn how to contain your emotions. I had a really incapacitating PTSD experience 7 years ago that required hospitalization. Since that time the symptoms have been more subdued but lately it is getting much worse. I can't figure out why and it is scaring me. Thanks for listening.
Jesse

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Oh dear Jesse,

I couldn't be a veterinarian because of this, the agony is too much. I hope I may send you a hug (((((((((((((Jesse))))))))))))))
My heart is with you so deeply I can't write, just shake in shared pain and grief.

I'm so sorry you're in such pain, and I'm so relieved that you have found this site. There are so many wonderful, caring people here, please keep writing and feel the arms and hearts open to you.
Welcome home,
deer_in_headlights

 

[jesse]

Thanks deer_in_headlights I appreciate your support.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Jesse,

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. OMG...talk about a job that could trigger those tears. Please hang in there and stick around this forum. You are welcome, accepted, and will find help through the rough patches. Glad you are here and shared your despair. Check out the articles and read through some of the threads. You will find you are not alone.

Hugs, PH

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jesse,

Welcome to the forum. Your feelings of being better and then have symptoms rear their ugly head is not at all unusual. As you read the posts by various members, you will see this is a common occurrence with this disorder.

I am sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed by despair. Do not feel bad for caring enough and understanding your clients loss of a beloved family member. It just shows that you are compassionate.

There is so much information and support to be had from this site. I wish you the best in your journey to recovery.

ITL

 

[Iam]

Jesse, I am sorry to hear of your pain. I understand the fear of crying. For me when I cry I dissociate so am terrified of it. It's good that you found the forum. You will find that many of us have the same symptoms and difficulties. It is unfortunate that PTSD can be controlled for a long time and then come back full force again. Do you have a therapist? There have been many discoveries in how to cope with PTSD in recent years so if you are not in therapy you might want to look for a good T who specializes in PTSD.

Glad you are here ((((Jesse))))