Despondent

[Pixie]

That is it. Simply... despondent.

Partly my fault I guess. I ran out of my anti-depressant meds the other day and totally forgot to get the script re-filled today. I was feeling fine. Great in fact, after good news about my ankle... managed to tidy up the house and do a few chores that had been left undone because I simply couldn't manage it on crutches... and now I've crashed and only in the last 20 minutes or so.

It is so quick to take hold in my head, in my heart, in my body. I feel desperate to escape, perhaps into a mindless and dreamless sleep.

This time of year is always terrifying and hard. Not helped by trying to talk out some of my "seasonal" symptoms which only made things go from good to bad and then finding self harm on my body a little while later.

This is shit and I hate it in this darkness.

Rell

 

[Deleted member 541]

Totally understand what you are saying and feeling. I am in a state of depression myself, and would just love it, if I didn't wake up in the morning. I have S.A.D and I also think that the month of March is a trauma month for me, but for the life of me, I can't figure it all out.

Rell, all I can say to you is this......Try and hang in there, fight witth all that you have, and be kind to yourself.....Hopefully the darkness will lift soon....

 

[anni]

Hi!

Oh it sounds awful! I don't get the S.A.D. but my husband does a bit and if even someone as even as he gets it, I can't imagine what it must be like for you, with the other things going on. I have to say I'm really impressed that in the midst of how terrible you're feeling, you're still able to intellectualize what's going on with the meds and the seasons.

I hope you're able to get to the pharmacy and get your levels back to something managable for you. I do know what it's like to be feeling nicely put-together and somehow let the meds run out once in awhile. Take heart, be kind yourself, and know we're here! :) It's going up to 50 today in our neck of the woods, spring is almost HERE, your meds will get things back to even and you'll be peeking out of your shadows very soon. You always do!

Keep coming back for hugs, like you always give everyone else!

Hugs for now and take care, ok?

Anni

 

[gdf]

I hate to hear that you are down. It sounds like getting the script filled and back into your med routine will help. Hope that you can get it filled and that you are feeling better soon. Hugs for you and kindness for your gentle self.

Gina

 

[Pixie]

Thank you to everyone... I know that sounds trite... but really, thank you.

Turns out it wasn't a dreamless sleep as I had hoped. In fact, I feel like I have had no sleep whatsoever, despite waking up late this morning. I really should go and get my meds. I might take a very slow "walk" to the pharmacy around the corner and get them ASAP. I should... I know I should.

Rell

 

[rjtransient]

Rell, I'm sorry to hear it. S.A.D sucks. Hope you can muster up the energy to get to the pharmacy, and I hope you'll be able to sleep better tonight and wake up feeling closer to baseline. Thinking of you.

RJ

 

[suzie q]

Hey pixie!

Yeh, running out of meds is the pits!! Like everyone around, I'm counting the days to sunny warm skies. Soon summer will be here and we'll all be gripping about how darn hot it is.

Just a thought......since you live pretty close to the pharmacy, would they deliver? That way their records will signal when you are due for refill and they could keep up with it.

Get feeling better soon!! suzie q

 

[Pixie]

Got my meds today and took them straight away so hopefully that will help.

I don't think it is S.A.D though. While this always happens at this time of year, it is the onset of the upcoming holiday in April that is a major trigger for unusual "symptoms" that appear only at this time of year. I don't know what this means yet and while it has been happening for as long as I can remember, it is something I may tackle with my psych this year. But hopefully the meds are now working their way into my system and it will help...

Thank you all for your thoughts... I just hate the increase in vivid and stupid dreams right now...

Rell

 

[anni]

When I read your post yesterday it did make me think of my sister. I didn't mention it at the time because she really doesn't have trauma issues so I can't make a connection with your problem right now but I think it might be worth a sentence or two.

Every year she has an awful time with spring. She genuinely is baffled as to why, and we've had quite a number of discussions over the years. You do have an anniversary coming up, which she does not, but she just finds herself terribly unsettled, sleepless, sad for no discernable reason and anxious. She's written it off as a mere change of season, baffling phenonmenon and shoulders through it every year but it's a consistant 'thing'. Maybe there's a change in routine associated with winter/summer that is terribly unsettling, I don't know.

I do hope that maybe your meds will at least allow you some sleep, so you have the energy to begin feeling a little better. At least please know we're here for you like you always seem to be for others,

Hugs,

Anni

 

[Sasha]

Pixie, I completely understand how you feel about the seasonal change. Each October as everyone is raving about the cooler autumn air and the beautiful leaves setting in, all I can think is - soon there will be no leaves and the mild days will soon terribly cold. It's been a terrible winter with so much snow. I've been complaining about it on this forum for months. Our spring is starting now and couldn't come soon enough. I wish I could help or have some advice, but the best I can do is know that I completely understand. I always say I need to start antidepressants in late summer for some help.

My husband bought me one of those SAD lights, but it triggers the auras in my ocular migraines. I may try it with my back turned to it and see if that helps, maybe next year. When my attention is ok a good book helps or TIVO'ing a good tv show to pop on when you need a distraction.

My space heater saved me this winter. Cause although I keep the house quite warm, I still wear a coat or jacket inside because the cold just penetrates to my bones. Our heating bill can be pretty high, but I'm grateful my husband is tolerant of this side of me. If you have a fireplace, maybe lighting a fire will be nice. Kind of embrace the coziness.

One thing I always say I'm going to do is plan a vacation to some place warm during the winter so there is something to look forward to. It's hard to plan a vacation while school is in session, but maybe you can try that too. Having something that you love to look forward to may really help. Making crock-pot meals help since it's simple, and keeps the house smelling good all day . I don't know about you, but I have no motivation to cook when I feel blah, so that has really come in handy and taken the stress off. Sometimes I will bundle up when it's not too bad, but sunny - and try and sit outside for about 10 minutes with the sun on my face.

Pixie, if you can find a way to get through the shorter days and colder months a bit easier, definitely share them with me. I go into hybernation mode and have no life and many things gets put on hold for months. What a sad way to be, but it's true. I hope you manage well and know you can always write me when you feel bad on this subject, because the winter months is a true obstical in my life and I will understand.

I pray for a smooth transition through the months for you - and something fun will happen to help you enjoy it.