Detachment

[VioletButterfly]

Finally talked with my mother's MD this week. She provided a good deal of info, although some was confusing so I will follow-up with others in her team. So, well, she was lovely and caring - I want one of her! I also had a good conversation with the unit manager where M lives. It sounds like she's on top of things, unlike before. The problem I still have is the unit making calls to me when she's irate - um, that's their job to redirect!!! The MD and unit manager reassured me greatly in terms of sending my mom IOP at a general psych unit as a last result. This should be totally unnecessary in light of appropriate med mgmt.. It's just bee a lot of extra work for me and a lot of extra drama/trauma for me and for my mom. This should not have happened. Lack of training! Also, communication with administration has been unacceptable.

I have the care manager working on different units for my mom. I spoke with one that is on the same campus as my uncle and she was lovely . It is more expensive, but I think might be better for her in the long run. I'm working with the atty on Medicaid, finances, and timing. Good grief!

So, for now, it seems that all is holding tight where Mom is living. It is a lovely facility, but I've got psych responsiveness concerns, plus it doesn't have Medicaid beds. So, timing issues, financial issues, behavioral issues, political issues.. Good God, it never seems to end. Had a great conversation with the director at one of the new facilities, but they are very expensive! It is on the same campus as her brother though and their sister makes an effort to see them. God, I wish I had a functional family!!!! This has all fallen on me and has devastated every sector of my being., Yes, there is anger and there is damage. I just want it to be over.

I want to move on, disengage, and heal - whatever that means. I'm just tired of wasting my life by running away from it with alcohol and Xanax. There has got to be more to life that this. I asked and talked to God about this this mourning. I know He doesn't want this for me. At least I'd like to think so. I keep asking Him , though, what I am to learn from all of this. Yet, I feel that I'm still dying more each day.

Heck, I don't know anymore. I don't know where to begin. Therapists don't seem to be the avenue for me as they doesn't work out. Sorry to be such a downer.

 

[VioletButterfly]

The fun still continues with my mom's current facility. I have my care manager researching other facilities to get my mom moved sooner rather than later. Communication seems to be an issue between staff, care providers and administration, and me. I'm still getting the cold shoulder.

I was so frustrated that I went to very good a facility where I live and found out that the laws are wildly divergent, as is pricing and the licensure/oversight process. It's locked down like Ft. Knox where I live. Also, legal documents might not transfer from one state to another. I spent a good hour and a half with this wonderful woman yesterday. Wow, I wish my mom had a place like that to live. I am hoping my care manager can find another facility in my mom's state that has a better approach to dealing with family and the POA. The Executive Director I spoke with yesterday was flabbergasted at how I've been treated, the level of care my mother hasn't received, the amount of time I've spent coordinating care and having to jump in and take action to secure Mom's safety, how the administration has responded, and how the laws work in my mom's state while I'm 4 state's away. Another issue will be to consider how Medicaid is going to work, and how that will affect the finances and trust. It is different from state to state and facility to facility. Good Grief! I'm earning a Jurist Doctorate and a Masters of Business Administration, along with a Masters in Healthcare Administration through this process. Mercy, I have a conference call with the lawyer next week.

I've stayed away from the boards because I've been trying to get myself together. Not doing so well, but trying. Very depressed and trying self-care, but not winning that battle. My goal this week is to look for jobs, get to an Al Anon or Alz support meeting, and to take care of my nutritional needs. I'm too isolated and food is foreign to me, plus I have to pay rent. Anyway, just jumped on because I wanted to respond to another post I saw yesterday and wanted to offer support. VB

 

[The Albatross]

All good goals, you have other priorities. Somehow missed this thread or confused it with another... hang tough Violet, If you are over extending... not doing self care, you are coming from a place where deficits compound. Sending you intentions to your highest good... take good care (of yourself) and know that the situation is tough under the best of circumstances?