Relationship Detachment

[master z]

From my perspective, you have taken on the codependent role in this relationship if you want her to...

Thanks. What I'm curious of is if she doesn't care or feels very guilty/ shameful

Codependency is a disease which is love addiction. Difference between what we are labeling codependency vs someone who is addicted to someone

 

[Confused_84]

If she’s a narcissist, I don’t think they feel anything and it’s never about you. They just look for people to fill their needs whatever it may be. Like my kids’ dad left me for his boss’s assistant who gave him real estate leads. He lied and cheated on her too. It’s whomever can get them what they want: money, power, and status. They often use drugs and alcohol to help them cope with not feeling like they are enough.

 

[Confused_84]

Codependency is a disease which is love addiction. Difference between what we are labeling codependenc...

Codependency is also the need to feel needed and to fix someone.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you’re trying so hard to find answers from other people by finagling their stories to match yours.

It doesn’t work that way.

 

[Confused_84]

I agree with you to an extent. That’s what brought me to this website in the first place was trying to make sense of what happened in my relationship with someone who suffers from untreated PTSD. It’s comforting to see that people are going through very similar scenarios, and it’s only natural for someone to want answers or closure that they won’t get from the sufferer.

 

[master z]

I'm not trying to match stories. Everyone is different. I'm trying to figure out the best questions to ask so I can seek the right help with the right questions

 

[EveHarrington]

At the end of the day this woman was just a friend who told you she needed her space, right?

Please just leave this woman alone.

 

[master z]

At the end of the day this woman was just a friend who told you she needed her space, right?[/QUO...

More complicated than that. We were dating we kissed and she went for treatment. She told me she was in a depressive period and needed space.

She isn't ready for a relationship which is why I don't call her my girlfriend. But because of past romantic feelings she isn't ready to hang out

 

[EveHarrington]

My point is that it wasn’t serious. A few dates? One kiss? Not serious in the least. I think you’re making this out to be a lot more than it is.

It’s simple.

She asked for space.

Give her space.

You’re guessing at waaaaaay too much!

 

[Confused_84]

More complicated than that.

Only you know how serious the relationship was. Maybe it was serious for you but not for her. One thing to keep in mind with a recovering addict is they aren’t going to want to jump into a relationship. Their recovery is their only focus if they want to truly recover. There’s a lot going on there. I would definitely give her the space she needs to get healthy. Let her know you’re there for her, and then let her seek you out.

 

[master z]

Only you know how serious the relationship was. Maybe it was serious for you but not for her. One t...

I feel awful for not understanding and knowing she was a recovering addict. It was a mistake I made.

I am giving her space. I am just angry at myself for a lot of things . While I give her space I need to move on from things I am emotional/ angry about

 

[Confused_84]

. While I give her space I need to move on from things I am emotional/ angry about

You have feelings too so don’t forget that part of it. You just need to grieve the relationship because you can’t force someone into wanting something you do. It might not even be that she doesn’t want it, but maybe that she knows she can’t give you what you need in a relationship because she needs all of her energy on staying clean.

I am grieving my relationship with my military ex. I love him, but ultimately he’s not in a place he can give me what I need in a relationship and I am not sure if he will ever be. This forum has helped me a lot. I was looking for reasons for his behavior and I found them. There’s a lot of people on here going through the same things I have.