Relationship Detachment

[Confused_84]

My kids’ dad (not the ex I have been posting about on here) is an alcoholic and a narcissist. Dealing with a recovering addict is hard. I am the codependent one in the relationship because I so badly thought that because I loved him then he should get better, but he never did. It’s a twisted cycle.

I’m sure my own codependency is why I am on here trying to find a reason why my most recent ex and I broke up. I know he has PTSD. I know I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship because of it. I just want answers I will never get and an apology from him I will never get as well.

 

[master z]

My kids’ dad (not the ex I have been posting about on here) is an alcoholic and a narcissist. Dea...

May I privately dm you? I have questions and rather have some of my comments private

 

[Confused_84]

May I privately dm you? I have questions and rather have some of my comments private

Of course.

 

[Confused_84]

My inbox says it’s full and I can’t delete them for some reason.

 

[master z]

My inbox says it’s full and I can’t delete them for some reason.

K. As a CD did you ever push good people away? Have you ever asked for space?

 

[Confused_84]

K. As a CD did you ever push good people away? Have you ever asked for space?

I have never asked for space from good people, but I definitely try to cling to people who aren’t good for me.

 

[master z]

I have never asked for space from good people, but I definitely try to cling to people who aren’t...

Have you ever gone to therapy or rehab to recover or treat co depedentcy?

 

[Confused_84]

I actually started counseling a few months ago regarding it. It has helped but I think that’s part of the reason my most recent relationship didn’t work out with my ex with PTSD. I started to address my needs that needed to be met, and it stressed him out. Normally, I would let my needs go because I would value his needs more than mine.

 

[master z]

I actually started counseling a few months ago regarding it. It has helped but I think that’s par...

K you are in a diffrent stage than her. She is learning to put herself first while still not over triggers and fears. Because she is confused she has been distant

 

[Confused_84]

K you are in a diffrent stage than her. She is learning to put herself first while still not over triggers and fears. Because she is confused she has been distant

Well this is where it gets tricky because his refusal to meet my needs also triggered me. He is emotionally flat and shows little empathy for others. I kept asking him for reassurance because he didn’t show affection to me, he would put me down sometimes which made me feel like I needed to walk on eggshells, and wouldn’t communicate.

 

[master z]

K hope this makes sense. My friend was in the abusive relationship and co dependency. But during her recovery she has treated me the way you were treated. I may have triggered her with relationship talk, but she understood why I mentioned it but uses it as a excuse not to see me. Feels like she has taken the role as the manipator n narcissistic

I got upset with her and let my hurt feelings get the best of me. Just not sure n scared if she will forgive me for telling her how bad she has treated me

 

[Confused_84]

From my perspective, you have taken on the codependent role in this relationship if you want her to forgive you for telling her she treated you bad. Someone who truly cares for you won’t be upset for you telling them how you feel. They will be understanding and want to reassure you because your feelings matter to them too.